You are talking about a fairy tale. Relationships that are healthy are not about living FOR another human or about consuming another.
That's obsession and that is not healthy on any level.
Your life should always be about finding someone that communicates, is respectful and supports you.
In a healthy relationship you are together very autonomous.... still having your own/ different hobbies, needs, ways. It's not about being someone's EVERYTHING. That is fairy tale and does not work.

Agree. Whatever is going on in your relationship that makes you believe he’s going to leave you is likely nothing to do with you not being enough but other problems occurring between you that you may be glossing over.

Loving someone and he loving you and being healthy with another person isn’t what you are describing.

You are not pathetic. I think you may just need some help managing whatever is going on with the relationship and what’s a healthy way of thinking

I want to be someone else too. Seems like every day I am the target of my husband's bullying. I want to be someone else for a while so I can just be me and not get yelled at, so I am not put down, made fun of or belittled... He does not do this to anyone but me and I am tired of it. If I were someone else he would put on his fake smile and just go about his day without saying something or doing something to make me feel like I need to disappear.
If the man you speak of does not make you wanna kill yourself then honey, you have it good!

Jackie this is a portion of what you wrote in your last post

" have a really hard time dealing with life when it doesn’t go exactly how I feel it should go ... I have been very critical of him and how I wish he would do more than what he’s doing."

I agree that some of what you've written sounds more like a fairytale romance or the beginning of the 'wooing' stage

If you're being regularly critical when things don't go your way it would be wearing

Maybe getting some help for you and how you're feeling on the inside could in time help your relationship.... No one can truly make us love ourselves except ourselves..... Some therapy may really help you...

Big hug....xo

Jackie
I understand how you feel. What you just said is the way I feel about my Ex, but she no longer has feelings for me. It’s nothing I wouldn’t do to get her back in my life. But someone just told me, no matter how much you may want to; you can’t make someone feel the same way about you that you feel about them. I wish you could, cause that’s what I’d be doing right now.

So I say:
stay strong
Don’t lose your faith in love
Keep reaching out on here
Keep working on you
Let me know if you ever what to talk about this.

Cause I tell you what , I plan to beat this thing, and I’m not going to let pain and hurt keep me down.

Focus on yourself, and see all the great things you can do.
Tell us what you have been doing to heal from this.
Those things not only help you but help us too.

Oh, JJ, what you write makes it sound like you want his whole world, his every thought, to be about you and how wonderful you are. What if this is not realistic or real life how people are going about their ordinary day and lives? And so, what if he tells you he is done? Think this through. Maybe you'd find your own self esteem, maybe you'd find what being your own best friend would be like, maybe you learn to love living alone and taking care of you. Are you saying you shouldn't have to beg him to stay? I kinda agree that begging someone to stay is usually not healthy for us.

Jackie I understand how you feel. I often felt unimportant, discounted , invisible and unloved thanks to a dysfunctional upbringing then turning to more unhealthy people leading to more of the same. I think that is why we wish for and romanticize about someone who loves and wants us as much as we want them. (And passion.... what I wouldn't give for passion instead of just empty words and promises )

I do think the others have a valid point though. We have spent so much time (forgive me if I am wrong to group you in this category with myself) basing our worth and opinion of ourselves and our value on what others say and how they treat us. You deserve to be happy and maybe that starts with you realizing that you ARE a warm, caring, strong, loving faithful woman who should not ever need to worry that anything you do will chase a man away. Instead be free to be who you are ( and quite possibly attract one who wants you just as you are) Whether it does or not, you (and I ) will be just fine and all the more stronger on our own 2 feet.

HUgs.

Hi veggiequeen thank you ... I know I have value but it’s not that easy to change the way I feel ... I wish I could focus on me and what is best for me... not wrap my whole word around one person. I wish.... but that’s just not how I feel right now ... I love him ... I love him so much that it’s even more than I love myself ... I know I shouldn’t I know all the right answers.... but I still feel the way I do... so I’m in a struggle right now... trying to get stronger each day... trying not to want to die.... sounds so dramatic when I put it in words ... but I’m so tired of hurting ... I just want relief ... I have put more of my energy into daily strength... I have found that a simple message with a stranger makes me feel less alone... thank you for reaching out and I hope you are ok and getting stronger each day as well

Thanks. And I have to share with you... that is part of why I did first come to DS... TO reach out to others. For me (and I think all of us) discovering we are not alone, that others understand and not only share , but encourage us as we also struggle with our issues. There is something about expressing what we went (or are going) through with others not quite there... helps us understand what may be coming, but it can be therapeutic for us to get it all out too. In "the real world" friends and family don't seem to really understand or want to hear what we are going through. Here that is different.

In my family ALL the women put their spouses and kids first... made them their whole lives and they lost all sense of themselves. Is only in the past few years I have actually come to realize I too have wants and needs and deserve someone who is willing to share that with me. My stbx is very content (with me as a roommate, cook, maid and nurse) and I have done everything and given 100% for 17 yrs, but I get little to nothing back and not one of my needs are met. I do also struggle with doing what is best for me. I started a divorce and served papers over a year ago. Over the course of time he always has a health issue or some other reason and I do pause and never followed all the way through. He is content, but I can feel the resentment building in myself. Now I am the one going through some health issues (one of which was to increase my dosage with my anti depressants . On my last check up I did break down and explain I was having a hard time and asked for the increase since I have been on a low dosage forever. She asked if I wanted to hurt myself... I explained I wouldn't. Don't want to die... just don't care if I live another day as things are.)

Here's to strength and courage and faith for the both of us (trusting that if we just turn things over and ask for guidance , He will show us the way and just what He has planned for us)

Hugs, Kim

I don't know what the last weeks have brought you since your initial post. I do hope that you've come to realize that you should be loved and appreciated for who you are and have to offer. I hope you find the person who will treat you this way be it your current partner or an other. Best wishes to you.

I feel the exact same way, I am begging him to come home and fix things, but he is out with other girls every night. Its killing me as I sit here taking care of our kids, and he is out cheating. We aren't even divorced yet, like how, how could he. I cant even imagine sneaking around with someone else, I gave my heart to him when we said I DO, and he just doesn't care about me anymore. He told me last night he didn't love me anymore, so now what? I told him if he didn't love me to just file for divorce but he said no. So is he just toying with my heart and mind?