Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I got an email today. About 15 minutes ago, actually. I won't retype it word for word because it would take too long, and you all probably have better things to do.
Basically, it was an email from a guy that says he is my ex GF's fiancee. You know? The "ex" that just became my ex yesterday? It turns out, according to the email, she didn't leave for SC to stay with extended family but, rather, to move in with this guy she met online, and then decided to get engaged to about six months ago.
In the email he lets me know he knew about me, and according to my ex, she "had nothing but really great things to say" about me. He is "sorry" that it happened this way, but he wanted to be a "man" and let me know, himself, that she is gone for good and that I should try to move on.
He also included that anything in my house that belonged to her can just get donated or sold, as she took what she needed, and "over time she sent things to him".
I text her to verify that this email was legit, and she said yes and that she was so, so sorry it turned out this way.
I wanted to curse him out, but what's the point? He doesn't know me. It's not like he is my cousin or something.
So, I also text her friend that's here...the one she left to stay with...and she told me that she didn't want to get in the middle of it, and that I probably should lose her number.
I feel like my life is becoming one of those horror stories you see on Jerry Springer.
Basically, it was an email from a guy that says he is my ex GF's fiancee. You know? The "ex" that just became my ex yesterday? It turns out, according to the email, she didn't leave for SC to stay with extended family but, rather, to move in with this guy she met online, and then decided to get engaged to about six months ago.
In the email he lets me know he knew about me, and according to my ex, she "had nothing but really great things to say" about me. He is "sorry" that it happened this way, but he wanted to be a "man" and let me know, himself, that she is gone for good and that I should try to move on.
He also included that anything in my house that belonged to her can just get donated or sold, as she took what she needed, and "over time she sent things to him".
I text her to verify that this email was legit, and she said yes and that she was so, so sorry it turned out this way.
I wanted to curse him out, but what's the point? He doesn't know me. It's not like he is my cousin or something.
So, I also text her friend that's here...the one she left to stay with...and she told me that she didn't want to get in the middle of it, and that I probably should lose her number.
I feel like my life is becoming one of those horror stories you see on Jerry Springer.
Yes she is a coward. Yes you are better off with out her. Amazing that there is people like this out there. My ex is one also. 17 yrs together and pretty much the same story as yours.
You are the bigger and better person. Don't stoop to her level. Don't bother to bang your head against a wall trying to figure this out or make any contact with any of her people. You don't need closure from her, you give closure to yourself.
Hugs. All the best to you.
I agree with Redheaddiva that the best course of action is to delete every email and text from her (and him). Block their numbers too. But, I also thought that if you had the urge to respond, you could say that you're actually holding up better than you thought and you feel like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Without going too much over the top (because then it might look like you're faking it) let her know that this has been the best thing for you. Unfortunately she would respond with an insult for sure so it's not worth it. Yeah - - just delete and forget about it.
I took the day, sorted her stuff. I made piles like clothes, dvd's, etc. The more I sorted, the more I can see where she did get rid of stuff. Not stuff I would have noticed with the naked eye, but stuff that I noticed once I went looking for it.
I took a lot of stuff to Goodwill. Some stuff, I took to the local dump site. I don't have all of it gone, but I got quite a bit done.
I am going to work tomorrow. I need to stay busy. I feel like I am in a survival mode; like my sanity depends on every move I make.
It never ceases to amaze me how low people can stoop in the lack of respect they show for someone they supposedly loved.
As horrible as it was for you to receive the email, but I think it was decent of the other guy to at least let you know what had happened. Not that I condone what he did by basically taking your girlfriend, but at least he considered how lousy it was that she had not had the decency to tell you herself, so he told you the truth.
Good for you for taking the action to get her stuff out of your space so quickly, and hopefully it was a bit cathartic to get rid of it and to even throw some of it away.
You need to allow yourself to feel the sadness, feel the anger, and all the different emotions that come with a loss like this, because then you can get to move on with your life all the more quickly and healthily.
You sound like a really decent, level headed guy, so you deserve so much better than someone who would treat you like she did. If the other guy was smart enough, he should wonder if she could do such a thing to you, what makes him think she may not do it again to him, if someone else interesting comes along.
As lousy as you feel right now, i know it is hard to think of it this way, but she may have done you a favour. You deserve so much better!
I had a similar thing happen, but I found out my ex got a girl pregnant and was marrying her via a Facebook post she put up- we were friends on Facebook, but never knew about their relationship. It was apparently going on for months under my nose. I was so hurt and when I tried to talk to him about what was going on he refused. I was mortified and hurt was not even the word to describe it. I can only imagine what you are feeling.
I can say that after a year of being alone I was able to take time to see myself and what I was worth.
Just know that you have a lot to offer, you will find someone who will appreciate your levelheadedness within a chaotic situation. Do well my friend and you are not at Jerry Springer Horror show.