Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I got an email today. About 15 minutes ago, actually. I won't retype it word for word because it would take too long, and you all probably have better things to do.
Basically, it was an email from a guy that says he is my ex GF's fiancee. You know? The "ex" that just became my ex yesterday? It turns out, according to the email, she didn't leave for SC to stay with extended family but, rather, to move in with this guy she met online, and then decided to get engaged to about six months ago.
In the email he lets me know he knew about me, and according to my ex, she "had nothing but really great things to say" about me. He is "sorry" that it happened this way, but he wanted to be a "man" and let me know, himself, that she is gone for good and that I should try to move on.
He also included that anything in my house that belonged to her can just get donated or sold, as she took what she needed, and "over time she sent things to him".
I text her to verify that this email was legit, and she said yes and that she was so, so sorry it turned out this way.
I wanted to curse him out, but what's the point? He doesn't know me. It's not like he is my cousin or something.
So, I also text her friend that's here...the one she left to stay with...and she told me that she didn't want to get in the middle of it, and that I probably should lose her number.
I feel like my life is becoming one of those horror stories you see on Jerry Springer.
Basically, it was an email from a guy that says he is my ex GF's fiancee. You know? The "ex" that just became my ex yesterday? It turns out, according to the email, she didn't leave for SC to stay with extended family but, rather, to move in with this guy she met online, and then decided to get engaged to about six months ago.
In the email he lets me know he knew about me, and according to my ex, she "had nothing but really great things to say" about me. He is "sorry" that it happened this way, but he wanted to be a "man" and let me know, himself, that she is gone for good and that I should try to move on.
He also included that anything in my house that belonged to her can just get donated or sold, as she took what she needed, and "over time she sent things to him".
I text her to verify that this email was legit, and she said yes and that she was so, so sorry it turned out this way.
I wanted to curse him out, but what's the point? He doesn't know me. It's not like he is my cousin or something.
So, I also text her friend that's here...the one she left to stay with...and she told me that she didn't want to get in the middle of it, and that I probably should lose her number.
I feel like my life is becoming one of those horror stories you see on Jerry Springer.
If it were me, I'd take the high road and not contact anyone concerning this. Be self-respecting and hold your head high. Don't let anyone see your tears.
Do what you need to do to stay healthy. Best to you.
This just gets more and more twisted. I feel so sad for you. Cant even imagine.
I remember how i felt when i had my " shock".. You cant even breathe, like it is not your life.
I really hope that you get throught this well, because this is not how it should be.. There is a new life out there, but when this crap happens it seems like there is nothing else.
Be strong. Hang in there
Aronia - if it weren't actually happening to me, I would say "Is this even real". I feel like I always thought crazy shit like this didn't happen to people, except on "reality tv", and here I am.
I don't know, but somehow there's got to be an upside.
She is bat shit crazy!
I must admit, it's hard to imagine a much colder way to handle this than what your ex gf has done here. I thought the same as Aronia - is this real? Unbelievable.
Well one positive you can take out of this -- there is no gray area. You don't have to wonder. Think it's clear that you can move on without wondering if she's coming back. Little solace but it's worth pointing that out.
As imperfect as relationships are, you can move ahead knowing that you kept your maturity about you. You'll be ok, I'm sure of it. She however -- I would not want to be her new bf. That has the markings of failure all over it.
I'm glad you are taking the high road and venting to us here. Let them have their...whatever it is. I have to agree with ManDown...this is NOT a good foundation for their relationship and I wouldn't be surprised if it failed sooner than later. But...that is neither here nor there.
You will find who you were meant to be with all along...and this pain you are feeling right now will lessen. It doesn't FEEL like it right now but it will.
I was "played" in a very cruel way but he kept coming back and giving me more and more broken promises. When the pain got to be too great, I broke it off for the last time. After I healed, I found my amazing fiance and could not imagine where I'd be had D kept me in his grips. Unfortunately, D killed himself May 2013. There was pain but I couldn't imagine where I'd be had we been "together."
(((HUGS)))
And surreal .
I hope you find some comfort in the support here.
Hugs
jc
She text me once today to ask how I was holding up, but I didn't respond. I might take tomorrow off from work .I would like to pack her stuff up and get it to Goodwill sooner rather than later.
" how are you holding up?"
Like a person who just had his heart ripped out by a heartless witch. What a nerve.
Sorry i am getting so angry.. I know you love this person and i shouldnt speak badly about her, but it just burns me up.
how were you supposed to know she was lying? She didn't tell you she was lying, or whatever, Instead it sounds like she told you she was NOT lying?
Sure you could have *not believed her*, but what kind of relationship is that (if you can't believe/ trust what your SO tells you?). Not a good one, When she said she was not lying, were you supposed to believe her, not believe her, or read between the lines?
In the end, she is the one who lied, not you, you gave her the benefit of the doubt. Who is in the wrong here (the one who lied-her, or the who trusted-you)?
Aronia - I appreciate that you're getting mad for me. What I mean is, I really appreciate that I am a stranger and you care enough to get burned up. I've thought some pretty harsh things about her.
I might look into counseling. Just to have a place to vent and dump my feelings.
I also think it's healthy that anger is part of your feeling right now.
( in fact..I think it would be really unhealthy if it weren't. )
Hang in there
Hugs
jc
The fact is...nice and thoughtful people do not do this to their partner of 13 YEARS. My ex-husband was very mean and I STILL didn't do this to him!!! Sure, you wasted 13 years but I eventually think you will feel thankful you hadn't wasted any more.
I think taking care of yourself is the best thing right now. Take that day off, get rid of her stuff...it is very cathartic to "let it go." Talk to a counselor if you can. Write a journal of your feelings. But DO NOT respond to her texts or send her any. Delete that email from him and promise yourself it is the first day of your new and better life.
(((HUGS))) Breakups suck so bad but I PROMISE it gets easier if you take care of yourself. Allow yourself to grieve naturally. It does get better, I promise.