Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
PLEASE HELP! I have been with my incredible girlfriend for 2 years and we both want to spend the rest of our lives with each other. For the most part our relationship is amazing and we love each other so much, however my behaviour and lies have put our relationship in jeopardy. Roughly 6 mnths into our relationship she found out that I had been having online sexual conversations with other women. It took time but we managed to build trust back up until she found out it had continued and I hadn't stopped engaging in this behaviour and continued to lie about it. This was 1 year ago now, so it has been 1 year since I have not engaged in any behaviour where I have messaged another person in a sexual fashion. I have continued to watch porn however, and have downplayed how much I watch it to my girlfriend. Trust was built back up until recently she discovered I had viewed a sexual instagram account and removed it from my search history. She says she doesn't so much mind that I did that, moreso that I lied about it. Then again today, I told her that I had viewed 3 instagram model accounts instead of just one, which I had lied about. My behaviour is gradually improving as I have not watched porn in a number of weeks, but it is the fact that I cannot be 100% honest that is the reason I have put our relationship in such a bad position. The most recent lie, where I told her I viewed one account instead of 3, is so insignificant, as I know she wouldn't have cared if I had viewed 1 or 10, but the fact I lied is the major issue here and I cannot figure out why I lie like this. I need help and I need to figure out how I can take actual action to correct my tendencies and stop lying. Thank you.
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So mad at Xfinity! They're trying to charge me $115 per month for the same service I had been paying $50 the last four years. I took the equipment to UPS for shipping and cancelled my subscription today! Next door was a cookie shop called Crumbl. I had heard of it before but never went in until today. I don't need one more sugar fix, but maybe it will help with my sad) grieving heart....$15...
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Which explains the mysterious fevers and my extra fatigue. I'm so glad I pushed for answers.
You are only 18 years old, and been with your girlfriend since you were only 16 years old. Maybe you are not really, truly ready to settle down forever right now?
You said 6 months in (so you were 16) you were having online sexual conversations with another woman. Was this woman under 18 also? This does not sound to me the actions of a guy that "is so in love with his girlfriend and wants to be with her forever".
If you have been looking around online at other girls pretty much the whole time, to the point where it is excessive and inappropriate for someone that is in a committed, monogamous relationship, and continuing to lie to her about all of it... then perhaps it's time to take a break from the relationship. Then you two can step back and decide if you truly can be in a mature, committed, respectful relationship together at this point in your lives. You two are very young. You might still be thinking of exploring, and wondering what else is out there.
The problem doesn't seem to be so much about lying to her, it is about the fact that you DO want to look at these things online, that you want to talk to other girls, and it doesn't appear to me that you want to stop doing this. And so either you get professional help to stop looking and talking to other girls and lying.... or, you take a break from your relationship and step back and see what both of you want to do next.
If you can't be honest with her, then at least be honest with yourself.
Best wishes.
Could you be addicted to porn? Is that why you won't be honest about your online activities, because they bring you more excitement than the other things in your life? This is a chemical reaction in the brain, and I'm not judging you if you are addicted.
Often addicts will lie and manipulate to hold onto their addiction. I think the lying also causes a thrilling little chemical reaction in the brain, that is also addictive (and like a lot of addictions, you feel horrible about it later). It might be a good idea to have a few sessions with a therapist. You can practice being honest with your girlfriend by telling her you have a session set up, to help with some of your lying tendencies. Don't cover it up with another lie.
People don't do things without a reason.
The thing with the lying is that every time you're caught the trust diminishes and that's so important in a healthy relationship
If it's something that you continue to struggle with therapy can help you understand why and help with changing the behaviour..... xo
You have developed a compulsive lying habit and would be considered a compulsive liar by some. When she confronts you about porn or instagram models, you lie because that's what you've done in the past and it's your gut reaction. Do this instead - when she asks you or finds something on your phone that concerns her take a deep breath and think about it for a moment before you blurt out another lie. Also, tell your partner that you're working on being more honest and have her ask the question a second time so you have another chance to tell her the truth.
Best of luck!