I highly doubt they have only known each other 10 days!! I think this was an ongoing relationship that you had no clue about .

How are you working on your relationship if he still going out with her and sleeping with her ? telling you he sees the relationship developing .How is the relationship improving ? To me that’s taking bout 10 steps back .

He doesn’t want a divorce because he wants his cake and eat it too..

One thing I’ve learned is typically the other person is going to eventually want more of a commitment .

What comes to me loudly in your post is you trying to fix yourself so that your man loves you more or better. Stop blaming yourself. This is about your husband's personality issues or character issues. He sounds like a scumbag and he's got you so twisted up that you blame yourself. You should be upset and angry and hysterical stop saying you should not and you are pushing him away. He is pushing you away is the real thing. He asked you for permission and you gave it so that tells me he knows he can push you around and he sees you as weak and without value. Unless you want an open marriage, too, and if so then go find yourself a hot boy toy. He sucks as a husband. He likes having two women he can play with and control. I am so sorry. He sounds very narcissistic and he doesn't really care about you. If he really loved and cared for you, he would put your feelings first and foremost. You can't fix him nor can you fix the relationship to be the way you want it. Even if they break up, he will find another. And the character of this woman is poor also unless she doesn't know he is married. Please get yourself to a good family law attorney and find out your rights and obligations under a divorce. In my state, the adulterer has to pay all the legal fees. Start to become self protective here, start to see this as a huge character flaw in your husband and NOT YOUR FAULT. Best wishes and big hugs to you.

Oh I am so so sorry. This sounds incredibly difficult and so hurtful. It makes sense that you’re feeling so conflicted about how to handle this very messy situation. My hope for you is that you can be empowered to know your strength and your worth. This is not your fault. This is not a reflection of your value. Many blessings…

Thank you so much for all your kind words and validations. He just keeps telling me I’m crazy and overreacting and hysterical. But it’s good to hear that others don’t see the way I feel as overreacting. So while I may be acting crazy and hysterical, at least there is a valid reason

I just didn’t expect to hurt this much. I’m trying to brace myself for a divorce bkz I’m pretty sure that is where this is going. But I starting having a panic attack and crying uncontrollably when I even start to think about splitting up. I have kids and I’m going to be a terrible mother if we split. I won’t be able to keep it together. I couldn’t even go to work today I was so upset. And other than feeding the kids today I haven’t spent any time with them. How am I possibly going to go through a divorce and be a good mom at the same time

It sounds like you're doubting the validity of your feelings quite a bit. Your experience of this is very real and very very hard. My guess is that you are so much more resilient than you think! Grace to you, friend

It's pretty common for men to not want a divorce, or to delay divorce, because it's pretty common for the man to be the one having to pay alimony or child support. I don't think he really wnats to work on the marriage, but he would like you to believe that, so you delay the divorce and allow him to carry on recklessly.

Please document all his behavior, any money he may be spending on this affair, and get a confidential consultation with an attorney ASAP!

You are not going to be a terrible mother if you split, as you said above. You will realize just how strong you are, and be a BETTER mother. HUgs!

Big hug Purple.... I agree with what others have said and I loved urban saying that if we are to have an open marriage I want to find a boy toy as well

He's not trying to work at the marriage at all... He's saying and doing incredibly hurtful things

If you tolerate this you're telling him how to treat you sweetie... I would let him know IF you don't want this that it's over now or we are... He's incredibly disrespectful and it won't stop if you just take it...

He sounds like an immature prick..... Another hug.....xo

HUGS!! Its a bit of a mess, huh? Hopefully, in reading the replies from others, you have gained a little comfort and cleared your head. I hope, too, some of your pain came out of you with each word you put out there.

I mostly agree with the previous comments. They come from kind, thoughtful people. I feel, too, that he was already involved before bringing it home. Always document. You may never need it, but if you ever do and don't have it you things will be harder. Journaling is a great way to keep track of things with a timeline, and is a good 'therapy'.

For your children, make the best effort you can to separate your role as a mother from your roll as a wife. Try to keep their exposure to what is going on inside you and in the home at a minimum. When with them, you're still going to have thoughts pushing in but put them aside as best you can and focus on the kids and being Mom. But, feel no guilt about having fed them & taking time to suffer privately. Can't be helped and being a good mom doesn't require 24/7 attention.

I think a huge part of fixing life and learning to put together a better one is taking personal responsibility. You shouldn't be criticizing yourself, though. Things are painful enough. You haven't magically changed into some hideous swamp monster since you guys started dating have you? Likely, other than things you've changed to try & please him, you are basically that same person, right? Usually the person who cheats/wants more & different has self-image issues (often covered with strong personality traits) and is looking to fill that hole some way instead of recognizing it and dealing with it. You'll prally see signs of that when you ponder it all later.

I am not wanting to add to any pain you have. We're not here for that. I'd hate to see anyone go through this kind of pain over and over - with same or different people, so I think you have to look at your role in this situation evolving, too. Not right this minute, but when you have calm moments you can reflect on it without such strong inner pain & turmoil.

So, yes, good comments from the group to support you and try and help with perspective and ease your pain. But, I can't say "it's not your fault" because a little fraction of it was when you agreed. Don't kick yourself over it, but accept responsibility. You can't fix a marraige, an appliance, a work error - unless you can see where it broke. You weren't happy about the idea, but then gave in You dropped your standards, I guess, is how to put it? Been there, done that for a man. Never enjoyed the results.

I never expect a first break-up to take. It's a lot to just drop a relationship when you've put so much into. Oof. So, not really going there. For now, if you don't want to have this life, for you and your children, put your foot down. Insist that it stop and use whatever excuse you have to to make it happen - You've given it ago and it isn't working; you don't want the kids exposed or (if not been, then) the possibility they will find out; STD concerns, the fact that he is making comparisons. Pick a good battle, stick with it, and stand firm. If you do that and it isn't effective, we can all try and help you through, give you strength, and maybe figure out "what's next?"

A million hugs to you!! I don't expect you to do any one thing or another. All this is my advice of things that I THINK will help you and are things to let you make a better life. I am your cheering section no matter how you go. We all are. <3

I am saying it is not her fault how her husband's personality is. How he does what he does and seems to enjoy flaunting it in her face of blaming her. She is taking on what he says and does as a slam against herself when it is really all about her husband's personality and character. This sounds like narcissistic behaviors but I can't diagnose from afar. So yes, she agreed reluctantly and because he was manipulating her. The yes she said is something to acknowledge and she has done that. So knowing that this husband can manipulate one so easily is something to understand and start to see from reality based thinking rather than self blame. Best wishes to you, purple. I think going to a divorce attorney for a consultation is the absolute thing to do right this minute. You can be a good mother to your children by compartmentalizing all of this and putting focus on your kids when it needs to be there. If you break down, he wins. If you break down, he might "prove" you to be the parent who should not have full custody. So you have to be strong and brave and you have to self protect and protect the kids. We can't make decisions without good legal advice. And you will likely need some counseling for yourself if you are not already in counseling. You need a safe place to figure this out. Getting this advice will not mean you have to file for divorce today, but it will allow you to make wise decisions. And don't tell hubby you are going to an attorney, keep some secrets from him. He is too manipulative to share your inner world with. Big healing hugs. This is a terrible thing to go through.

You can't make a husband out of a ho.

Sorry if he wants to "be" with you he needs to BE with you and only you. I don't understand that. From my perspective if he really loved you he wouldn't be wanting to get it from other women.

In my mind i feel like the woman from the talk shows saying "Honey, dump that zero and get yourself a hero"

I agree with what has been said except that I don't think you are to blame. Clearly you were broken down well before he pressured you into agreeing to this travesty. The good thing is that this man is not husband material. Ut is going to hurt and hurt and hurt until it doesn't. You will get through it and part of it is to have friends to help you. Maybe he isolated you and was able to get away with being a crap husband because you didn't have support to tell you otherwise. Reach out to people. Some friends will not be there for you. Some strangers will be. Whatever pain you go through, you're a decent person and always a better parent than someone with no integrity. Wishing you the best.

Absolutely you are not to blame for this.... He is responsible for his behaviour... xo

Based on one other post you wrote a while ago this has not been a good relationship and he's a turd of a human being. I mean, what good man acts like this??? What good father treats his kids' mother like this???

He is foul and disgusting. Your husband is boldly and openly fucking another woman and yet you think you must be a terrible person? Please consider how warped that thinking is. He's an emotional abuser. Go back to that prior post you wrote and read the responses. Please stop letting him treat you like trash.

He sounds very immature and needs to grow up. He can't live in fantasy land forever. Right now he's probably thinking how good he has it. But that bubble he's living in is gonna burst one day when he least expects it. Teach him a hard and expensive lesson by divorcing him. His actions will catch up with him one day. You may be suffering now but not compared to what he's gonna be going through when he's broke and alone.