Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I've been with this guy, and dating him for almost a year now. When we met he was in a long distance relationship with another girl, and then he used to always say he would breakup with her but he had obligations and was waiting for a right time. In the meanwhile he proposed to her and they got engaged, and i did not know about this. They also had a joint bank account which i was not aware of. He had hit me a couple of times when i forced him to break up with her. We were living together in the same apartment all the while. Later when one of the arguments heated up, i called this other girl and told everything about us, and that we have been living together. He has lied to me about everything in the past. After i told the other girl about us she broke up with him, and i did too. Later after 2 weeks he was back asking for a second chance with me, and moved back to my apartment. Things are ok now, and he doesnt lie to me (as far as i know) and he cares for me. He hasnt hit me at all since then. and he tells he has changed and i mean the life for him. He doesnt talk to the other girl anymore. He says he really loves me and want to be with me. He introduces me to all his friends as his fiancee even though we are not engaged yet. He is not afraid to tell everyone that we are dating. But sometimes when we have arguments, he starts to talk about my past and my exes and thinks that i might cheat on him. This makes me feel very bad and sometimes wonder if he even loves me or not. We talk about family, children and buying a house and all. But sometimes i get confused if he loves me or not.
It almost sounds a bit like he does not like being alone not that he doesn't care about you but I am tending to think he may not be ready for a serious commitment as I find it strange he is telling everyone you are his fiancee even though you both have not made that official. As for the arguments and him bringing up your ex's and your past i am sorry but I call that a sorry excuse for his own past behavior and perhaps without him even realizing it he is describing his own mistakes.
Anyway you will have to be the one to decide if you want to continue living with him and possibly get married because it is your future but I think you should take things very slow and even consider asking him to get a place of his own. You still can continue dating him and let time tell you if he is indeed the right one for you. You also mentioned he hasn't hit you again well in my opinion he should have never hit you at all and regardless of the situation you didn't deserve that type of treatment.
I believe he should seek counseling and so should you before you get engaged or even stay living together. At the very least give yourself a chance to take the time and see if you can feel good about trusting him again and not have that heavy cloud of doubt hanging over you. It wouldn't be there if you were 100 percent sure of his commitment and love to you is real. After all you don't want the rest of your future to be the kind where you have a lot of doubt and end up walking on eggshells all the time. Wishing you the very best and really hoping you give it some careful thought and time before you continue this relationship.
Get out of that relationship now. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200 dollars. Run, don't walk away.
Men who hit women seldom stop even if they get a lot of counsoling. It is progressive, eventually you will end up hospitalized . Until you are dead, he will do and say anything to get you back. That kind of man has a psychological need to keep a woman around which he can abuse and he will go to any lengths to keep there. He will eventually isolate yo so you have no choice but to stay with him. He is very very sick. You are in great danger.
I wish I could be nice as I promise to do, but, this is too dangerous for me to even try to sound nice. GET OUT please, and stay out.
I really suggest you try and work on your self esteem, and try to boost your self worth a lot. I'd also seek a counselor so one could help you find out why you would want to put yourself in such a position with said boyfriend.
If you think he wont hit you again, your wrong
People like that also injure and kill babies and older kids because they can not control their rage at the moment.
Please do not make the mistake of creating a family with this guy.
if he cheated on his fiance whay would he not do it to you?
if he hit you before what would stop him from doing it again?
he lives with you, now that's convenient! does he pay rent?
they say: if you fool me once shame on you. if you fool me twice shame on me.
Everything I could say has been said.
Remember something dear one ~ no matter how long you live.. or what your life entails.. there comes a time when you must accept full responsibility for your actions, decisions and words. You have been given several intense red flags that this guy is 'dangerous', yet you allow him back in. If you consider, for one second a future with this abusive cheater,..you will have set yourself up for terrible, undeserved misery.
Marriage and children are STRESSFUL and takes mature, caring, loving, stable individuals to make it work. Even then,..in this world, nothing lasts forever. Please, think long and hard about what you're doing and why. If you can't gather your thoughts, find a counselor that can help you.
((long hug))