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I love him, but....

Jersey_of_Oz
Jersey_of_Oz

I trust my husband, and he trusts me. on Aug 8th 2016 he started hsi new job. Even thoughI had a life and we lived comfortably from my job, we changed our whole lives and moved to follow his job. 


Now, because my husband is unmotivated, never goes above and beyond, and only thinks about himself, his neck is on the line  at work ...... again. This is not the first job he has lost because he looked like a bad employee choice compaired to others. 


If he makes it to 1 year, they can't fire him, but they are working hard to get him out now. 


I know I am being a little hard on him, but I am not well. I work 2 jobs currently. I have always been the primary bread winner for the family. I pay his bills... Due to "the affordable care act" I am no longer elegable for insurance that covers anything. I need to have major surgery, I also need to get back with a cancer specialist, dermetologist, neurologist, a bone specialist, a back specialost, a knee specialist, and an ear nose and throat speciaist. These are things that I have ben puttin off since Obama care started and I los my insurance. 


I finally was going to be able to possibly have good insurance again beacuse I found a loophole in the state system and coud try again to get on my husbands new insurance after he reached his year mark. Now he is going to get fired, and I will continue to beat my body without being able to take time to care because I will have to pick up the slack for my husband again as he drifts between jobs like he did for over a year before he landed this job. 


I even waited to follow him down here until January to make sure that this was a sure thing job. 


Now maybe it is the cyce talking, or the lack of sleep, or the adding stress... but I love my huband, and I am not willing to continue to kill myself for his sake. I never see my kids; I never sleep; and I am so stressed out that I can hardly wake up some mornings. 


I can tell you how we haven't fought like we used to in years. I can tell you how comforting he is to me when I am tired or scared. But I can't think of these things right now. All I can think of is my husband making statements like "I didn't sleep any better than you" when I have just come home from working over night, hurt like hell, need sleep, and he is standing in his pajamas sliding over in bed to let me in. I want to punch him!


I know that trials come in every marriage, but when do they end? I want it to end. I want to sleep. I hate this new place - I miss home. and now all of this is going to be for nothing.  


11Christmases
11Christmases
Are you sure you should even be working with all these health problems? Do your doctors know you are working two jobs? If the jobs are affecting your health negatively, would you be eligible for disability?
gregsbaby
gregsbaby
I agree, you should be filing for SSD asap. You have to do what's best for your kids, and working like a dog in your conditions aren't doing any good for you to be able to continuing to take care of them. I had a marriage like that until I said I had enough. I'm NOT telling you to leave him, but you should reevaluate your life for your physical/emotional health for the future. From what you wrote he's not on the same page, especially having you move in the middle of nowhere just to later not even give 110% at the job, and IMHO you're not being too hard on him, it sucks trying to be "supermom/superwife" with a partner that's not contributing their part.
jimthzz
jimthzz
and consider upgrading your healthcare coverage.

Obamacare policies dont limit what is covered, but have various deductible limits.
rmb
rmb
Right, most of the plans under the ACA are kind of the same. Ther are varying maximum out of pocket amounts and premium rates among issuers. Even before the ACA, most plans didn't cover things that weren't medically necessary, experimental, etc. HMOs have little to know out of pocket costs. Other plans, like a PPO have out of pocket costs. I'm not high on the ACA but work in the industry. Perhaps it might help to find a good internist who can coordinate any necessary specialist care. I would try to see if you qualify for a state program as well.

Quit your second job to press upon him you have reached your limit, so he's forced to take his job seriously. Make your health your priority. If you feel well, it's easier to be clear headed about your marriage and how you want to move forward.
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
I agree to at least quit your second job and think about doing what you need to do in order to take care of your health

It's time for your husband to man up IMHO.... It seems from what I'm reading that he's not very dependable and you need him to require more of himself right now

I would stop rescuing him and start to focus on you....I would stop enabling this childish behaviour and be firm about your needs.........

Your children need their mom .... I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time ..... I hope that you're able to get the medical care that you need....... Big hug and a blessing......xo
Jersey_of_Oz
Jersey_of_Oz
Here is the issue with my insurance. The ACA is not meant to help people who are considered "rich" I, by myself, make over $40,000 a year so the "insurance" choices I have are few. the plan I have is the cheapest plan which costs $300 a month for just me, and covers absolutely nothing - I have to pay for everything out of pocket on top of it. I can take a different plan, but if I want the kind of plan I used to have, with $10 deductibles for regular Drs appointments $20 for specialist, cheap medications, and $2,000 deductible on other medical expenses total ... that one costs me $5,000 month. That's way more than I even make. if you like, i can do a scree shot of the healthcare.gov site to show you the options that are considered a "reasonable tax" for a "rich" person like me.
I'm so f-king rich I can't afford to get a car that runs consistently and struggle to keep up on my new house payments.
I have threatened to leave Matt, and had a few times in the beginning, but he had a good job for 8 years and held his own fine until they hired a 2nd guy to work with him, and quickly realized the new guy did more for them than Matt ever did. That's when he got fired. He now works with tons of other guys, and he looks like a lazy slob compared to them. I just don't know how to convince him he needs to do step it up big time.
Jersey_of_Oz
Jersey_of_Oz
Could I get disability? yes. But - I would make less than minimum wage on Disability. When I could go to Drs and take care of myself I did well. Now I have neglected my needs for years and I can feel my body denigrating around me.
Jersey_of_Oz
Jersey_of_Oz
OH, and I will make less this year than last year but I can't get a cheaper plan because I have made more in the past.
Lenoire
Lenoire
I'm truly sorry to read your situation. It sounds like it's time to realize that you need to dismantle your new home/life, get yourself back home, to where you have support, and start anew. If your health fails, you'll be sick in a bed and won't be able to contribute or even care for yourself if your H gets fired. This place isn't working out for you. Don't just sit there and wait for bad things to happen to you, do something about it.

H sounds like a lazy person, and you don't have time for that, and this is something you need to make very clear to him. Lazy people have all sorts of excuses, so don't even go there. Write him a letter and let him know how things are going to go from now on. If he refuses, leave him behind and go back to where you have support. You're not in any shape to support him, baby him, or act irresponsibly like him right now. You need help and you need support, and you need a H who can care for his family when you are in dire straits, and that would be now, today, not tomorrow.

Sometimes when we're in a place that doesn't feel right, it's because it isn't right.

I wish you well.
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