Healthy Relationships Support Group
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My husand and I had our 7 year anniversary yesterday. For the last 6 years, we have had a lunch date on our anniversary. Yesterday, I assumed would be the same. Boy, was I wrong! Hubby and his mom went out to lunch instead. She wanted a lunch date with my husband so he could introduce her to some people for the purposes of her selling tickets for a fundraiser of one of the boards she sits on (the money goes to help local non-profit service agencies in the area keep their doors open). I was livid. Why did it have to be on our anniversary over lunch? He said he scheduled it a week ago and had forgot. Ok, from the average man (no offense meant) I would buy that. However, my husband never forgets dates or appointments...ever. The real problem is he won't tell his mom no. He knows it hurt me very deeply, but nothing has changed. I was promised we'd stay home for Thanksgiving and we went to his mom's. I was promised we'd stay home on Christmas but go over Christmas Eve and the 26th (which is when his brother was coming up from out of town). Guess what, we went to his mom's on Christmas as well as the other two days. We also spent New Year's Eve over there (which I didn't fight about...by that time I was just numb). Now it was our anniversary. So, is he lying to me and is it time to leave him or is he just a mama's boy that can't stand up to his mother? I love him, but I refuse to let his mom run our life. To add fuel to the fire, I quit working at the family business he and his mom own a week ago (my last day is January 31st) because of all the fighting over money. The business is in over it's head in debt and is overdrawn by $20,000 at the bank. We can't give employees raises or pay our suppliers (they are all over 90 days out on their invoices). I quit because I feel it is morally wrong to watch your mother-in-law take $1780 a week in take home while no one else makes even 1/2 that...my husband included and the business can't pay their bills. Opinions please on what I should do...if I should stay, what would you suggest I do to save this marriage?
Melin2
The problem is not your mil, but your husband. Have you discussed this issue in depth with him? He cannot remedy what he doesn't realize bothers you and he can't read your mind. (as much as we would like men to be able to read our minds sometimes!) If you bring it to his attention and he blatently disregards your feelings, he has no respect for you. Unfortunately that was the case with my ex.
maebeth
Hey, thanks Mr. Tortoise. Thanks for the time/thoughts brightside. Melin2: hubby is well aware of the problems and jokes about his inablility to stand up to his mom. We are discussing it in counseling. I think I need to learn not to nag him so much. He knows not setting boundaries with his mom and making me come along is a huge problem in our marriage; what he does with it will decide how things end for us.
maebeth
Melin: I know he knows the problem because before he tells me he's breaking a promise to me he starts with I'm sorry but mom is really upset about...usually us trying to put our foot down about not going somewhere and doing something for her. We've had many long talks to no avail...hence the counselor. Thanks for your thoughts!
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