That’s a tough one. I try to think of it as moving through different stages of life. My best friends x 3 stayed close to our college town and I moved away. But they all were getting married and having kids and I felt like the sad dysfunctional loser. I wanted to be closer to my bio family again like when i was a kid. Relationships and dating made me depressed and i felt less fun so partly i ran away from being in touch and they made new friends and they had their new created families and children to take care of. I have since made one good friend (in 10 years but I’m not good at it and I’m not social) then she moved and we stayed in contact when my life went into chaos but she feels more like an older advising sister and now we hardly talk when my life quieted.
I still have some bio family but we are mostly strangers. I speak with my aunts but they don’t deeply know me. And they have their own kids. I am sad i don’t have parents but my mom i disowned .
My point is life changes and we have to roll with it. Since you are social keep meeting new people and if you connect with someone truly open up to them you will create a new friend. Make an effort to call your “sister” friend every 3 to 6 months. Keep that connection. And then visit at least every couple years in person. This has helped me stay in touch with my friends. I will say they are not great at returning the same efforts. Only 3 of my 5 friends have come to visit me. While we aren’t close in the same way we still catch up and tell each other personal things. Only 2 of my 5 friends know most of what happens and none I am confident enough to tell everything I’m feeling and what’s happening. If you have that close of a connection don’t lose it but maybe try to find another person that you can connect with in that deep way. Eventually your friend that moved away might move to a new stage of life and she may be back.

Thank you for that. Your perspective is very grounding. I think that realizing how normal relationship fluctuations are really helps me to not spiral. I have a few lifelong friends who end up circling back and getting close again after periods of distance. Change is inevitable.

Thank you for that. Your perspective is very grounding. I think that realizing how normal relationship fluctuations are really helps me to not spiral. I have a few lifelong friends who end up circling back and getting close again after periods of distance. Change is inevitable.

I agree as well...I'm a lot older and have gone through a lot of in and out with friendships when people including me got married
People starting their own families etc
I think you're wise to foster new friendships...
It doesn't mean you'll lose old friendships but things do change when there is a large distance between you
I'm still close friends with my 2 best friend's from elementary school and a close friend from my teenage years
We don't see each other often but we talk every couple of weeks so it's nice
Sending you a big squishy hug of peace and support...xo

Estrangement is ambiguous loss, so it is natural that your friend moving away brings up those different feelings of loss. You are not abnormal to have feelings of loss about her moving even while you feel happy for her good fortune. You are not abnormal to be mourning ahead of time while she is not abnormal for being busy and trying to ignore the loss inherent in when we move to another town.

In life, it does seem like the constant is change. People do move in and out of our lives. She will still be your friend but yes, it will be different. And she probably is starting to distance herself as a way of managing her feelings. She wants to focus on the future, not on how much she will miss you. Which is all natural. Both of you are doing what might be expected in your individual situations.

It is harder to be the one left behind. The one moving has the busyness of packing, moving, getting to somewhere new but she will eventually feel the loss and the change. This is normal and natural, we move and eventually life slows down and we start to remember what we left behind and process how we feel about that. Even if we are excited and happy about moving away.


When this stuff happens, and it has happened many times to me in this life of mine, we have to get busy working on new friendships, new activities or hobbies. I've been left behind and also left others behind. You will still have her friendship but it will be different. Work on making new friends, talking to people at school or work, etc. Focus on processing your own feelings. Journal about them, let them be okay. You will make it and find value in this experience because life is about teaching us lessons.

And if you are going to be a mental health therapist, this experience will show you the many types of feelings, the types of loss that people go through. You will have more empathy for your clients by having experienced this.

It sounds like you're dealing with many significant changes right now, and it's completely normal to feel sad and uncertain about your friend's move and the distance from old friends. It’s really positive that you’re actively reaching out and building new connections—this is a great way to keep your social life vibrant and support your well-being. Remember, it's okay to feel these emotions and to grieve the changes while also welcoming new opportunities and relationships. Wishing you much luck in your new career and in finding new sources of support and joy!

It's hard when our friends move away. I think most of us have been through that. But you can still talk, text, chat, video chat... it will be different, but the friendship will still be there. And it's not until next year, you said? There's still time to make plans to do some fun stuff while she's still living here.

You wrote - "I've also been hearing less from my old friends in my hometown."

Sometimes, we have to be the ones to contact them first. It's not always easy, but sending them a quick message or text or something funny that you saw.... will help keep your old friendships going. We have to be willing to make the first move. They could be waiting to hear from YOU! :)

I think it's great that you are cultivating new friendships, and please do keep that going. You're going to be okay! Things will be fine.

I'm confused: Your profile says you are 13. You mention that you are 30.

Whichever you are, hoping things are going better.

Ouilliam I believe that's the age on your profile when you join DS until you change it

Dither. If I had known that I would have joined a lot sooner and been a little younger, too.

Ilovemycat---

Hoping your therapist program is interesting and useful. I was in a cohort-based masters counseling program 60 years ago (or LESS with possibilities of DS editing!) and because of that stage of life and the intensity of studies still have friends from that program who are dear to me though we are scattered around the world. I hope your program gives you similar opportunities along with all the hard work. If you put your heart into your program, that is likely what you will get back, and more. What you learn about loneliness now will help EVERY client you meet in your career whether that is an identified piece of their diagnosis or not, so take that tough experience and know that you are bigger than the problem and will benefit from experiencing it very soon.

Study, study, study, eat, hydrate, and take care.

Enjoy your program and enjoy adding new dear friends to the life family you make. You will do well.