Thank you for sharing your honest and sincere feelings. It means a lot. I am not quite sure where it is found, but the Lord says in one passage, “I have loved you with an everlasting love.” That statement was in the midst of the Word where we see the good, the bad and the ugly and God’s feelings about all of them revealed. He does love you tenderly and always. His love for you is the foundation of all other relationships. I figured that I would speak of Him rather than try to convince you that I too love you, or to tell you perhaps as others have that everyone is not againsy you. Perhaps these assurances will be meaningless to you during this season of your life. But the words of Jesus surely do come in power and with healing. Peace and abundant life to you my friend.

I like to remind myself of the significance of 20 in 2024. We’re just 24 years into a whole new millennium. Not just a new century! In all our human history I have a feeling that this will be the millennium that shows our true colors. A good start is to leave the judgement of others for their skin color, sexual preference, and everything else in the past. The fact that it’s been dragged into this new era is beyond belief.
Apparently it’s going to take time for people to think differently. It can’t be rushed. Here’s where the importance of a healthy individual comes into play. I can’t change anyone but I can live an honest life and maybe some of that rubs off.
There is a book by the Dahli Lama called ‘how to live a meaningful life’ . It may be of use to you. He walks through the process of developing compassion. Which is basically opening up from conditional to unconditional love. This is real human evolution. It’s the shift that allows for true happiness. And it’s very attractive to other people. In the book he explains how a selfish person can still develop compassion even by starting out with the intention of: ‘I’ll be nice to you so you can be nice to me’ Conditional. Over time and with meditation this shifts to: I’ll be kind to you because I know that is being kind to myself. And this is where the fear of being alone begins to fade. Loving yourself means that you always have a best friend on your side. :)

Hello, I lovemycat94. I have loved all my cats also but don't have a pet right now due to circumstances. Welcome to this forum.

I am wondering if there is a support group near you for people with autism? I know good support groups can teach us skills and open up our perspectives. My spouse has a disability and his folks were limited in their ability to love and told him to hide it, don't let people know as they judge. Probably the worst advice ever. Years later, he is among people with his disability, he has helped others learn to manage their similar disability, he helps people and now he is a changed man.

You are beating yourself up way too much. If your parents can't or couldn't love you, that is their own dysfunction. It is not about YOU as YOU, it is about them and their limitations and inner problems. Maybe they have mental health issues or perhaps even slight autism themselves. Maybe no one ever showed them love so they can't openly share love with you because they don't know how?

Ask your therapist to work with you on what is called "unhelpful thinking styles" or cognitive distortions. Ask about taking a course of cognitive behavioral therapy. You can google the chart of unhelpful thinking styles, print it out, and start working on it yourself.

So what if someone is being nice when they compliment you! Most people do mean it and would have to be very manipulative to give fake compliments all the time. Salespeople are trained to give compliments to the customers but I am talking not sales situations.

This thinking is a cognitive distortion and the only way to change it is to change it within your head. Actively challenge your thinking. At first, you may be suspicious of that compliment but immediately challenge that stinking thinking. Remind yourself you are distorting your own thinking. Say the non-distorted thinking. Reverse that first thought. How nice this person thinks I look good in blue. If you don't challenge your own thinking, it won't change. It may take you months or a couple of years but keep working on this. Don't beat yourself up for this change not coming automatically but do remind yourself, OOPS, and switch gears and challenge that thinking, reverse to the healthy style.

I just read this from a book yesterday: "Be a channel of blessings to your fellow man/woman" -- think on this. Open yourself up to being a channel of blessings to other people. This does two things: takes us out of our heads and hating ourselves and gives love and light and blessings to the world. It can be as simple as smiling at the person who complimented you, saying thank you. It can be as simple as smiling at the person on the grocery aisle as we walk past each other. Telling the cashier thank you and asking him/her how is their day going when you first walk up. Little things makes a huge difference in our own heads and in the lives of other human beings.

Hi and welcome...I'm so sorry to read of the pain you carry in your heart...such a challenging world we live in...I do hope in time with your therapist you will be able to work through the confusion of relationships with family and friends. I do hope you will come back here too for support. Many years ago I used a type of therapy called DBT which helped me so much with the challenges I was facing, in my own life, and to have a better relationship with my son who has aspergers.

Sadly, people we might love the most and want to be accepted by the most just don't have the ability or understanding that we might need...they just don't get the 'it's' of how we think or feel. I too have had my own challenges in trying to understand my son and the way he chooses to live his life...I'm a work in progress.

I hope this talk will help you, Many years ago I watched a video about "not letting it in" when people say hurtful things. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zeDt9dgFXFk How to avoid rejection and get connection by Marissa Peer.

Wishing you the best!!

Welcome to tbe board Ilovemycat

Im sorry that you're struggling so much sweetie

I agree to see if you can find an autism support group in real life

I found one for bipolar many years ago and it helped me more than anything else

With regards to what other people think...I think most people are busy and thinking about their own stuff the majority of the time

My dear friend and landlord is gay and has had a very successful life
Some of this I think may be about you accepting you and the great individual that you are

You could also look up gay support groups in your area

Im glad that you found us

This is a good place to come

Big hug of peace and support...xo

I just really wanted to thank everyone who commented on this post. I was in a pretty dark place when I wrote this but hearing all of your kind words lifted me up and made me realize how lost I was in my own head :)

I have been really focusing on activist work serving the homeless folks in my city, and delving back into my meditation practice. It's been helping immensely as well. I feel much more connected and grounded than I did when I posted this. Again thank you all so much for your thoughtful and compassionate responses. It helped more than you know.