that sounds like a good idea. Make her get to the point and tell her exactly how you feel. After all, she's telling you exactly how she feels.

No you're better than that. Even if deep down you don't think so. Don't be the kind of person that puts up with the bs she is handing you. Otherwise, even if for some reason she does choose you, you would be setting yourself up for more future pain. You are telling her that you deserve her behavior by accepting it. Fuck it, tell her that you don't want HER anymore. Tell her you're not interested in people who can fall in love with others while in a relationship and then keeps stringing them along. Tell her you have too much respect for yourself and that you have lost all respect for her. This woman is a bitch and let me ask you, do you really want a bitch??? Or is your ego just bruised? It sucks to hear that people don't want us anymore and sometimes we want to win them back so we feel worthy again. But the truth is you already are wortthy. Of BeTTeR than her!! She's not worthy of you!! Cut all contact and put your energy into getting over it and then finding someone who loves and appreciates you and wouldn't treat you that way.

I think you have to do what you feel is most comfortable for yourself and what you can be happy with. I would only suggest you consider that right now you are feeling miserable because of the circumstances that you are in right now. If this girl truly wants a just a friendship with you and nothing more it is up to you to decide if that is something you can handle and deal with.

The important thing is that you are honest with yourself and her regarding your feelings and if you can allow yourself to just be friends with her. If you are in doubt about that then let her know and take some time to sort out your feelings and perhaps that might mean not seeing or talking to her for awhile. If she wants to be a good friend to you she will respect your wishes but she needs to know how you feel so I hope that you do let her know.

Also I would recommend you know exactly what her intentions are as well, meaning what a friendship means to her so things do not get confusing later on if suddenly she wants a romantic relationship with you. I hope this helps a bit for you and you can work something out that can make you comfortable and happy. Wishing you all the best:)

She called as I predicted. I answered ready to tell her this was the last conversation. But she was crying, she told me the lawyer thing was a lie to stop her from getting more involved with me. She said she feels resistance to falling in love with me every time we get closer because her only experience with me has been to very abusive relationships. She feels anger inside and she is going to work this out with a therapist. SHe told me she felt she was crying on my shoulder and that she missed me terribly. She told me very loving things. She was elated that I answered the phone. I said I was about to cut all ties with her and she said she would have pursued me until she got me back. Sp now I know i can pull back way back and make her miss me and want me more. This is not the first time she makes a move away from me when we start getting closer. And what she said now is consistent with what she has told me before and with what I have read of abused women. She said in spite of her fear and anger she could not be without me. She had two days of torture because I did not answer her calls. I should have continued not answering for a week or more. In any case she still has a problem getting more involved with me, because of her past abuse, but at the same time she cannot let me go. She has formed a special bond with me in spite of her anger and fear of committing to a new relationship. Now I know as one of you suggested that moving away from her gets her closer to me. Being more aloof and not calling her seems the way to go if I want to try to get her to really love me. If she ever distances from me again now I know I can disappear for a long time and have her at my feet. But I realize this is going to take a long time, She has issues. So in the meantime I will date other women and let her know. We are just friends, with a special bond, and with benefits. But I have to be careful not to get too excited about her. She might never overcome those issues. I really like her and I am willingyer to try what I said. At least there is no lawyer and I am her #1 even if she has issues. I hope that treating her with distance and making her see she can lose me I can make her really want me as i deserve. Otherwise, I need to move on.

Okay, so let me make sure I got this right: She first tells you that she is in love with a married lawyer, which shows you she has no moral fiber because she doesn't have a problem being the other woman.

Then she tells you she lied about the married lawyer (which I don't believe for one minute), and because she is crying and claims she needs help, you are ready to give her another chance.

Then you say you are going to basically just keep her on a string, a friend-with-benefits, while you date other women. And how is this not abusing her? Just because you don't hit her, doesn't make you any less of an abuser. You are an emotional abuser.

I'm beginning to think you both were made for each other.

Has she sold you that ocean-front property in Arizona yet? B/c if you buy this one, she will selling that one next?

Sp now I know i can pull back way back and make her miss me and want me more. This is not the first time she makes a move away from me when we start getting closer.

You guys are just playing a game of teeter-totter or tag. Pull away, she comes closer, get too close, she pulls away. Lather, rinse, repeat. That's fine if you want to continue to play games. But if you want a real, mature, "grown-up" relationship, you are not going to that. You two are playing childish games with each other. Not much maturity found on playgrounds, it there?

Yes, I agree. I love her and I want her to love me, not to be at my feet. I thought of that as I was writing. I want a loving companion, not someone to manipulate. If she has issues and cannot resolve them in a few months then I have to move on and find someone who I can love and loves me back. I wrote what I wrote in a hurry and now I see that is NOT what my heart wants. I am in love. That is the problem. I cried a lot these two days and could not sleep. People who know me know I cannot become the manipulator. It is not who I am. I read a few things on how to get my x back and how women dont like nice guys and because I am nice she does not like me. Well I am who I am and if she likes abusers then she is not for me. But Ii do feel I need to move away from her so she can sort out if she has true feelings for me that are stronger than her fears.

I also have to concentrate on getting my health back. That will allow me to not spend so much time alone and will be able to choose better, and not be so dependent on her.