Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I know that they say you get over lost loves and everything, but I'm stuck in a funk. Now, it's more powerful because he was my first love, my first lover, and my all time best friend.. I haven't seen him in eight months. I haven't talked to him but once the whole time and that was him calling me. He's spurned my attempts at calling, messaging, and any other communication.. It doesn't bother me often, but lately everything reminds me of him. Books, movies, television shows, other people, random objects/events.. Everything reminds me of him.. And I'm afraid I'll never move on. I miss him so much it hurts. And I'd probably sell my soul just for him to hold me again. Simply wrap me in his arms and just disappear from all the worries of the world for that span of a heartbeat..
I don't know what to do and this is killing me.
I don't know what to do and this is killing me.
Try to open up to someone new. They won't be HIM, but they might be equally good albeit different.
I can't say it took that time to 'get over' my ex. It had more to do with adjusting to a different lifestyle altogether.
Truly loving someone to me is never forgetting them, but you have to look after yourself as that is a priority.
I agree with Sooky...the only thing that helped me get past the breakup was time, and counseling. It took me a full year and a half to be able to move on with my life, which I've heard is about right, because we were together for three years (people say take the time you were in the relationship and divide it in half, thats how long it takes to be ready to move on).
Most of the time I am able to keep my mind off him, but when I start to feel stressed or anxious I start thinking about him again, which just makes everything worse. Thankfully, I have learned to mostly force my mind off these thoughts, but it takes alot of willpower and personal strength. You have that inside of you, but you just need help developing it. Now I am the one ignoring his texts and calls and emails, because I realized that the relationship I had with him, while satisfying in many ways, was also unhealthy for me.
Don't beat yourself up over these feelings, they're normal. But, you should talk to someone to help you learn how to deal with the anxiety they are causing you, and to eventually put the relationship behind you so.
Here come the trite sayings - "when one door closes, another opens". In spite of your pain, what you learned through the failures of this relationship can be used to make the next one better. Here's another: "if you love something, let it go. If it comes back, its yours. If it doesn't, it never was". He has moved on and by not contacting you when you try to reach him he's telling you to move on as well. Do so.
He is NOT the love of your life. You haven't met that person yet. And unless you rise up and look forward, you won't meet that person at all. I'm sorry for your hurt. The fact that he was your first love tells me you were hoping - and maybe expecting? - him to be your one and only. It rarely works that way.
You have a lot of life ahead of you, many relationships and many opportunities for personal growth. But growth often means some pain. Think of it as painful, but necessary, education in life. You're going to be fine but not until you realize you're an amazing person who, just maybe, deserves someone even better than this guy. Good luck.
And ladies. NEVER run after a guy and try to get him back by calling, and texting and pining after him. That's a guaranteed method for making him run for the hills. Its in our DNA or something, I don't know. But it is a totally unproductive activity and it results in a loss of face and, all too often, a loss of respect for you. He's gone. Just say to him, "See ya, don't let the door hit you on the ass. Best of luck."
And MOVE ON. My thoughts are with you. You're gonna be great. (That's an order, incidentally.)
Take it from me, I learned the hardest way possible that once you love someone like that, it just doesn't work only being friends. About 10 months after my breakup, we tried the friends thing...of course it got physical, because thats what I really wanted deep down, even though I couldn't admit it. But, his heart still wasn't in it, and I found out he was dating someone else. That pain was probably worse than the initial breakup, and I had to start all over again dealing with it.
Now I realize that I don't need him to be happy...instead of focusing on getting him back in my life, even as friends, I have focused on myself, and new friends have blossomed, and I'm so much happier than I ever was before.