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Husbands Pornography Addiction

flutterfly90
flutterfly90

My husband has had an addiction to pornography for years now and despite me trying not to shame him, my heart still hurts. We even chose to watch it together to “spice” things up and make his urge lessen. Nothing is stopping him. 


Now he wants me to just accept him the way he is and not take it so personal. Thing is I can’t. No matter how much I wish I could, it hurts. So he thinks it’s best I just never know when he is doing it.


That to me doesn’t seem right... 


When does this problem lead to divorce? I feel so disrespected. Like I’m available sexually.. attractive and adventurous in bed. 


I was bathing last night when he snuck upstairs to check on what I was doing. He was looking things up on the TV. 


Husband thinks that’s normal.. can someone please help me. I can’t do this anymore.

patti22
patti22
Well first...pornography and masterbation ARE perfectly normal activities. Start with that.

Can they become addictions..sure. If he's not going to work, if he's not ever interested in you, if he's doing/saying something that makes you feel bad.

But simply watching porn...is normal.

Perhaps...give him some privacy? Knock on the door? Then since you don't like it, you'll give him a chance to turn it off to respect you.

But at the same time, you should make sure that you're not making HIM feel badly about normal adult behavior.
flutterfly90
flutterfly90
Well he isn’t working but a couple of hours a day, sex sucks because he can’t last more than a couple of minutes or he can’t maintain an erection.

It’s become a big problem. I was in your mindset years ago but now I’m fed up.

Can I get advice from someone else please?
patti22
patti22
Sounds like either sexual preformance anxiety or a medical issue.

Could he be depressed? That can do a number on one's sex life.
flutterfly90
flutterfly90
Definitely depression could be a factor. He started a career a couple of years ago and it’s been hard on him.

I’ve tried being supportive but this habit has gotten worse and it’s like he is shooting himself in the foot. Very counter productive.
patti22
patti22
Would he go to the doctor? Sometimes men feel ashamed and want to avoid talking about it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOAgplgTxfc&t=902s

Blaming the sexual issues on porn....isn't going to help anything.
flutterfly90
flutterfly90
It’s the lack and disconnect we have in our relationship too.

He should go see someone for sure.

I need to as well. There are years of things behind this post. I’ve left a career I loved to support his new career (by his request) and have sacrificed my own self respect at times.

Just here to get some support to help myself.
blueocean65
blueocean65
My fiance (I'm 53, he is 51) watches tons of porn throughout the day. While we are having sex , he is mostly always on top but not laying on me,I generally end up with my eyes closed and when I do, he watches porn on his phone which he places next to my head. He hides it from me but I know what he is doing! He wont even really admit it when I try talking to him about it. Sometimes it bothers me but for the most part, Ive just gotten used to it. Maybe because I have other issues that bother me more,I'm not sure.
Not saying that you just need to accept something that bothers u, just offering my situation.
veggiequeen
veggiequeen
flutterfly90 there is another group on here pornography addiction. I am in a sexless marriage , but have same mindset as Patti. I wanted to clarify things as I have chatted with several who DO actually have addictions with porn. I think there would be a place to ask them to explain when it is a problem. I do think the fact that it is affecting your relationship and his performance and that he hides it from you could be an issue. (especially considering you are a willing partner) I did learn a bit from several in that group. They may help you better understand.

PS. In my perfect world, when he snuck up and found you bathing, I would wish he had instead come in to help you rather than go look up crap on the tv. Hugs.
Have you tried counseling?
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Here's a link to the Pornography Addiction board if you want to take a peek

https://www.dailystrength.org/group/sex-pornography-addiction
Aronia
Aronia
Typically porn becomes an issue when the man is not making you feel like a priority in the relationship - sexually
Or otherwise..
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