I understand what you mean about trusting the hubby with his Mom.
My MIL likes to off hand comments about me to him, but he doesn't stand up to her either.
She is always right and I am always wrong.
He says he doesn't want to rock the boat so I say fine but know that I am mad and not taking it anymore.
As far as your kids go and him supervising her with them, wow!
Trust is needed but how do you trust after that I am not sure.
Stay strong for your kids!
I have a nephew who is Autistic and he can be a handful at times but he is the sweetest kid too.
Wish you all the best.
ttfn AnnieEm

He shouldn't lie to you. He shouldn't be afraid of discussing any topic with his Mother even if you're angry about it.

There are many people who hide things from their spouses because they don't want to listen to a tirade... It's not right, but I can see why they do it.

I have read many of your MIL posts and I always feel so sad for your husband and your children.... caught between 2 very strong willed women who want their own way.

What would happen if you were to stop trying to control the MIL situation? Let your husband take the kids to visit MIL. Let your husband talk to his Mother as much as he wants to and don't even worry about what they are talking about.. your life would be so much more peaceful!

Wow. You put your husband in the middle of a conflict between him and his mom with their business, and you can't understand why he doesn't want to have an open dialogue with you until he figures out what his mother's position is? Jesus. Clearly your not taking into account your own actions here. This is his MOTHER. And this is their business. Is he suppose to be a blind fool to your position and not find out what happened since this impacts his mother and this business? You make it sound oh so criminal for him to try and get to the facts while you ride his back. And then fault him for trying to smooth you over in the process. No. He shouldn't have lied about what was going on. But then again you shouldn't have acted like this didn't impact him any deeper than just your feelings and quiz him about the obvious. Of course he was going to ask his mother these questions. You would have done the same thing if it were your mother and he was having the conflict. Quit fanning the flames of conflict because you developed an angst against his mother. Your just pissed off and taking no prisoners. This has nothing to do with his honesty so much as yours...with yourself.

I do think, though, if someone never sides with their spouse...whom they took vows with...then it's damning.

I also wonder at the "you're not welcome" at her house. Is your H ok with this????

@livetowin- pretty harsh words for a person not living in this situation as Maebeth has been doing for a long time. When you get married you make a commitment to your spouse, when you have children their needs are supposed to come first. Having an interfering and control Mother is something that he needs to deal with- his mother shouldn't be running his life and having a family business doesn't mean she should have 100% control over her son and everything he does. Sadly this guy has never been able to stand up to his mother- to back up his wife, support her and his children- really do you think it's OK for a grandmother to yell at a child with autism? As a Mom Maebeth has every right to worry about her child's safety that means emotionally as well as physically. There is a long history here and this guy continues to put his mother first which is wrong. DS is a SUPPORT site- offering a different point of view is fine- being overly harsh and making nasty comments- not helpful at all. Riding her husband- why is it so wrong for a woman to expect the man she married to stand up for her and support her? Do you really think this guy's mother should come first no matter what she says or does?

Lianname I understand your concern, but commitment swings both ways. If she chose to work for the company run by her husband and mother, she should have understood the political ramifications. It sounded more like a personality clash than management style. But whatever the reason, it's not her company to dictate terms. If she made a scene at the job then it may be inappropriate for her to be coming back if it impacts others who work there. That's a business, not a private residence. She made it personal and unfortunately you should never mix business with your personal life. She did and now you see where it got her. Suddenly her husband is portrayed as a lying dog because he has to manage her emotions and keep the business from tilting off it's axis. Sorry, but she never should have involved herself in their business to begin with.

Her husband has to make decisions, political or not, that maintain the shop. Her having a personality clash with his mother may be a big deal in the private sector, but is irrelevant on the business side. If she is asking him to compromise himself on the business side because she needs him to take a side in their argument then she is being childish. She's a grown up right? Can she not speak for herself? Do you not think her husband feels awkward enough having to balance this? She even admits that in her post. So why place him in a corner and ride him over an obvious question that any intelligent person will ask their business partner in a conflict?

Honestly? If things were getting that bad with his mother shouldn't she have considered getting out before it blew up like this? Now she's asking her husband to answer for her inability to work with his mother? Well, what is he suppose to do? Quit? Where is his marriage vow in the company? She is asking him to fall on the sword over a personal issue. No crime was committed here. I'm sorry. But she needs to put her big girl pants on and step aside if she can't work with his mother. He's got enough damage control to manage as it is. Does he have to fight her wars too? Sorry. This is not about him being unfaithful or stringing together a bunch of lies because he has a double life. This is a person who has to keep the business afloat while his wife comes unglued. She is using her marriage as leverage to try and have the last say in this argument. And now because she caught him in a white lie, while wrong, is essentially rolling him under the bus because it's his mother she has the conflict with. The whole situation just sounds overblown because she wants satisfaction for her anger and somehow thinks her marriage is suppose to dictate some kind of intervention here. It doesn't. And I'm quite sure there is no one feeling it more than him right now. He's in the middle and has to answer for two entirely different reasons. Where's her consideration for his position? No where.

Livetowin- there is much more to this story than you are aware of, the personal and business lives are closely connected and what happens in one area affects the other. There has to be balance and there is not- Maebeth loves her H and has tried to make things work, but one can only take so much from an interfering MIL that has to control every aspect of her son's life and have 100% of his time and attention. It's not about the business- it's about a very unhealthy Mother/Son relationship.

LiannaMe, I can only go by what is said here. If you are privy to a more detailed history, that would offer a different perspective, I would certainly hope she will share it so we can understand the greater problem. Because the way you talk, it's not really about this incident, but rather everything leading up to it.. If the mother controls the husband or uses his employment as leverage, then we need to address what happened between the three individuals that got them together and ultimately what broke them apart. Right now we just have the MIL painted as the bad person in a depiction that looks worse on the the wife than anyone else. So if we can peel back the specifics and examine how this union started and how it began breaking down, perhaps we can save it from ending. I would hope that's the goal here anyway. Thanks for your added insight LiannaMe.

Sounds like mama's apron strings are pretty long and strong! You husband should tell his mother to treat you and your daughter better. Screaming at any child is wrong and only teaches them how to have dysfunctional relationships.