What about saying it straight out.... I need some time for myself and take it... If he says wait.... I would say back that I really need to have this time and we can talk later or tomorrow

The next time that you have a sit down I would tell him that you need an hour or two a day for yourself... I think that, that is perfectly reasonable...

If he's using pouting or anger to manipulate you out of it let him do his thing while you go and do yours.... Big hug...

I would go nuts without time for me..... xo

Hello,
First tell him your needs, then state your boundary and keep it enforced. This requirement is on you, you have to know why you are giving in to his will.
I know it is hard to do but when it comes to chores and shared chores, you will have to let go of that control. If he does not do it to your level you will have to ask yourself why you are requiring him to live by your standard.
You need to have your time to recharge and relax, part of that is allowing him to live as he does as well. This is very hard for us to do, we always want to control how others live and force them to our standards.
Once we release this force of misleading ourselves into believing we can change others or force them to our will, we are able to breathe and relax.
You two see each other so much either has time to "miss each other".
I suggest you find your place to recharge, mediate, and pray so that you can let go of the idea of trying to change him.
Without our own drive and desire we don't get better naturally, we get more set in our ways and resistant to growth and improving ourselves.
Its healthy to be an individual even in a marriage. This allows you to bring new live and ideas into it as well.

What I am hearing is a description that your husband may be self absorbed and perhaps a bit narcissistic in his demands on you. He expects you to stop everything you are doing and focus on him. But you say this is sometimes and I ask how often is sometimes? Once a week? Once a month? Every other evening?

Some people are extroverts and thrive on communication and contact. Other people need quiet time to recharge their batteries. This is me. It took me quite a long time to train my current husband to leave me alone after 7 pm because this is my low energy time, meaning I need my quiet time, no talking time - to do whatever I want alone with no talking. We do communicate as needed during this time but I try not to watch TV with him or have a late dinner. I had to stand up to him and talk about my needs and then set a boundary. I am also a structured person, I like my meals at certain times, set times. If there is too much stress past 7 pm, I can't sleep and I like a scheduled day. This doesn't mean every evening is spent at home and being quiet, we do go out with friends or to parties - at least before Covid-19. But it does mean that 90% of the time I am getting my needs met in this way. My husband is very loose and unstructured, but he gets little done! He procrastinates and forgets to do stuff and he thinks he has some attention disorder issues (I think he does but we are retired now so it doesn't affect his work.) His evenings are when his batteries suddenly recharge and he can get something done finally after wasting the day. Each style has its value and it can help to recognize the strengths in each pattern.

What I might suggest is figuring out what will work for you and write it down on paper. Perhaps you need to work less at work, like leave after 6 hours instead of 8 so that you have more time and energy in cooking dinner, cleaning up, etc. Drive in separate cars. We should not be martyrs. Have a meeting with your husband and set up the new rule. Talk about his style, and the strengths in it, and talk about your style, its strengths, and your needs. It might help if you two have a daily or weekly meeting at WORK where he gets to talk about his ideas, etc. Maybe if you write down his ideas during this meeting, it would satisfy him hopefully that he is being heard. Perhaps make your evenings easier by purchasing food and bringing it home or cooking in large batches so you have every other day as left overs. Or cook a bunch during the weekend and freeze it.
He may say he doesn't like left overs or won't do restaurant food but you have to decide a compromise that works for you and then insist and stick to it. He is not going to change it sounds like it so the thing is how can you change so that your needs are getting met? Do you need to be more assertive and value yourself more?

There is a famous saying, "We teach people how to treat us." We can do this with anger or we can do this by setting boundaries and sticking to them and being pleasant. If husband sometimes does this demanding of your attention, how often is sometimes? Once a week? Twice a week? If it is rare, could you be more flexible somehow? If he is demanding and controlling, this is another situation.

I love spending time alone. They way I do that is we both maintain seperate hobbies. He makes music in the studio and there was a time when he thought he was ignoring me because of all the time spent there. We had a honest conversation in which I told him I enjoy some time alone and to compromise we set a schdule. Mondays and Thursday he goes to the studio. Those are my alone days and we keep Friday as date night.
You need to communicate to him what you want and how you feel. Men are definately not mind readers and couldn't pick up on signs if their lives depended on it.