Healthy Relationships Support Group
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My spouse and I have been together seven and a half years. Almost four of those years we have had a daughter.
He refuses to acknowledge Mothers or Fathers Day. I don't want flowers, or a gift, or even a foot rub! But it would be nice if he helped our daughter make a card, and I got a sincere thank you for all that you do.
But I get nothing.
On top of that, I have to listen to him bash the day all day long. He will constantly repeat that its a stupid excuse for a celebration. Ill have to do all the cooking and cleaning, all the child care, all the pet care. I didn't get to sleep in and I won't get to go to bed early. We have to spend the day with his in laws but since he also doesnt really want to I'll have to listen to him bitch about that on top of criticizing Mums day.
When I try to bring up that it bothers me how he treats the holiday he gets angry. Tells me its a waste of his time to even talk about it.
He doesn't expect anything on Fathers day. But my dad died when I was 7....and I help our daughter make a card, we often buy a little present, he gets his favorite meals...all because I want her to know how lucky she is to have a dad. Its important to me. Fathers Day is also quite painful to get through, and focusing on a dad that is alive and well helps me cope.
But Im worried its causing our daughter to find Fathers day important but Mothers day a waste of time.
I want him to know exactly how I feel...but he doesn't take me seriously at all on the issue. He thinks I am being over dramatic and silly...and maybe I am..but it's how I feel.
He refuses to acknowledge Mothers or Fathers Day. I don't want flowers, or a gift, or even a foot rub! But it would be nice if he helped our daughter make a card, and I got a sincere thank you for all that you do.
But I get nothing.
On top of that, I have to listen to him bash the day all day long. He will constantly repeat that its a stupid excuse for a celebration. Ill have to do all the cooking and cleaning, all the child care, all the pet care. I didn't get to sleep in and I won't get to go to bed early. We have to spend the day with his in laws but since he also doesnt really want to I'll have to listen to him bitch about that on top of criticizing Mums day.
When I try to bring up that it bothers me how he treats the holiday he gets angry. Tells me its a waste of his time to even talk about it.
He doesn't expect anything on Fathers day. But my dad died when I was 7....and I help our daughter make a card, we often buy a little present, he gets his favorite meals...all because I want her to know how lucky she is to have a dad. Its important to me. Fathers Day is also quite painful to get through, and focusing on a dad that is alive and well helps me cope.
But Im worried its causing our daughter to find Fathers day important but Mothers day a waste of time.
I want him to know exactly how I feel...but he doesn't take me seriously at all on the issue. He thinks I am being over dramatic and silly...and maybe I am..but it's how I feel.
The main advice I can give you, he will not change, and if important to you, to continue to celebrate these holidays even if just you and your daughter alone.She likely, like most children and adults, will enjoy making a big deal out of these things. Celebrating.
FWIW, since me and my ex have divorced, this has only gotten worse, now we split the holiday schedule with the kids, and holidays he has the kids, he chooses to do nothing. At least when we were married, I was with them every holiday (and had the opportunity to make it the best, where as now, he has control to do what he pleases on the holidays he has them, for which he does little to nothing).
Sorry you're experiencing this, again, try and make it the best you can, and ignore his bah humbug attitude. If everything else is going ok, then don't sweat don't sweat this other stuff.
I m sorry that you Are in this situation.. Hope things get better.
I would continue to observe Father's day as you are. What about your mother? What about mothers in general. It is too bad that your child is not seeing your husband show appreciation, but you can show appreciation for motherhood by helping to make cards for other mother's, and maybe getting a book about mother's day to read. We don't want to idealize it tooo much cuz then the contrast between what it's 'supposed' to be would just make us feel more frustrated,, like don't think it's 'supposed to be' all superficial things like flowers and candy and breakfast in bed, but about generally appreciating motherhood and the women who make sacrifices to give birth and nurture the children that are the next generation in this world. Perhaps your husband may overhear :)