Healthy Relationships Support Group
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So, my goal for this relationship is not to take a lot of crap, because typically I am SO patient that it eventually becomes destructive to me.
In every serious relationship I had my patience and tolerance enabled my partners to eventually disregard my needs and wants. This time I want it to be different, but I don't want to come off aggressive either.
In short, I wanted to visit a place that is special to me with my bf for 3 days. I have been going there every year with my kids. It is a little pricy, but I never do anything , I don't have any toys and I haven't been on a real vacation in 7 years.
My bf kind of flipped out at the price and wasn't nice about it.
I then explained to him why this place is important to me, he said I m sorry I didn't realize that it was important and I said that I would not be bringing him if has any negative reaction to it. This is my zen, my place to regroup and rest and I don't want anything to spoil it with negativity.
I felt like he totally disregarded something important to me. I never dare criticize someone when they tell me about their dreams/wishes , no matter how dumb they are to me.
After that, we have not discussed it any more. So, nothing really got solved.
Should I go there and address that he rained on my parade ? I don't want that from my partner. There is a tactful way to disagree with someone. My usual way would be to just move on from this incident without further discussion .
Plus I wasn't expecting him to share the expenses, so idk why he had a cow.
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Look at what my best friend did with my picture!
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We all have 24 hours in a day. How we spend these hours is important. Watching a little bit of a video about how sitting affects us made me aware of how much sitting and laying down I do. Gonna have to work on that.Your turn. Tell me another truth.
After years and years of reflection, I've come to see it as an issue of Trust. I trusted his judgement, he just never trusted mine. So he'd do that sort of thing...be lukewarm, or nasty, apologize and think that that was enough.
IDK, maybe that was just my issue, but maybe see if David trusts you with other decisions?
Best of luck as you sort through it, Patti
if someone who may be having challenges with expenses or future monetary uncertainty is presented with something that just can't spend the money on it may trigger a reaction. (Not sure how bad it was or how you presented it) Especially if that person is someone they want to please. And if after the fact someone tells me it has sentimental meaning I'd feel terrible- terrible I reacted that way and terrible it was not in the budget for my finances this year.
I think if he knows now it's important to you and he apologized for that, what else do you want from him? If you want this to be as important to him as it is to you, that might be a tall order. If it's that you just want him to not be an a-hole on the trip and ruin it for you, tell him that (nicer than that), like because this place is so special to you, you'd like to share it with him but if he's not able to enjoy it, you are reluctant to include him.
I think most issues between couples can be negotiated, discussed, etc unless the person you are with is completely unreasonable, and if that's the case, you got bigger problems than him sweating finances.
Today I found out that my children will be with me during the dates in question so I booked the suite. Also, last time I stayed, I had a problem and the manager offered me a discount, so problem solved there.
I invited my bf to come with me and the children. The suite also has a kitchen and outdoor sitting area, so we could save a ton of money on food just by cooking at the hotel and breakfast is included.
If he doesn't go - his loss. ;-)
I know he has accepted money from women, BIG money too, but they were at a different level than we are.
If I was his wife, he wouldn't mind I think, but as his gf, he doesn't let me spend a lot of money on him. He will let me buy dinner sometimes or clothing, but a 600$ hotel - no.
In fact, he texted me yesterday and said that he probably won't come with me because he doesn't want to take attention away from my children.
I will talk to him more tonight
Yorman, thank you for your kind words. I wish you wouldn't be mad at me .. you are my friend still. We just disagree on religion.
Let's be friends again?