I don't know how long it takes someone to decide where there at, but you're right to stand fast to your principles here, and, if you've run out of patience waiting for her to make up her mind, if she ever does, I'd suggest moving on.

Regardless of what happened on the last 3 years, if you are having these doubts, it may be a sign that you shouldn't marry this person.
As far as breaking off - I m finding that the older I get the more difficult it is to make a stable connection with someone.. It is like we get more and more difficult with time. I dated different people on and off for 4 years and most of the time it was a complete waste of my time and energy.
I m not sure if there is a good reason why your gf wanted to date other people? It would make sense if she had a long marriage and you were the first relationship that came her way right after?
You strike me as someone who is patient and logical, but most people aren't like that. You try to figure out what something is and then take action, many people act on immediate emotion and then try to figure out what's true and what's false.. If she is one of these people, maybe this was her way of trying to figure out if you are the person she should fully commit to forever. Unfortunately this kind of soul searching is enough to ruin things with the person who is confident and has very serious approach to relationships.
Only you really know if she is worth sticking around for.
I hope you can work things out together.

Yes I was the first relationship after her 18 yr marriage. We moved fairly quickly to an exclusive relationship and her wanting to date came at about the year and a half point. While I understood where she was at that point it was difficult for me because I was at another place in life and was ready for a long term relationship. She has been under a lot of pressure, having to sell her marital home a year after the divorce, her oldest child going away to school, both her mother and mine passed during our relationship and it was our only remaining parent. She is now faced with having to re-enter the workforce after an 18 yr absence. I have been consistent, supportive, and encouraging her through all these changes and I know she appreciates my efforts and patience. BTW she is 51 and I am 47.

Let me be clear I am not in a rush to get married, although I do want to work towards that as our ultimate goal. We get along fabulously, and we have a genuine affection with each other unlike any I have ever experienced. My concern is at this point I want to spend holidays together when she has the kids (whom I know and have a deep affection for as well) or at least feel like we are moving forward toward having a life together.

I think at this point (3 years and counting) that WE both should have a clear vision of where we are heading. With all the changes in her life recently is it a fair and reasonable expectation for me to have or should I sit tight, be who I am and trust that in time my questions will be answered?

I do appreciate everyone's feedback.

Have you talked to her about how she sees the future of your relationship?
After my divorce I had a very clear idea of what I wanted for my future. I also had a lot to deal with but I had a plan for everything - work, what my kids will be doing, what I wanted to do for myself and what I wanted out of a relationship. Maybe she just doesn't know yet what we wants exactly.. 3 years is not a long time especially if the divorce was long and tiring.
However, time is ticking.. I would probably talk to her and find out what she thinks about the two of you. I am patient so I d probably wait 6 m to a year and if absolutely nothing changed then I would probably move on.
Waiting forever to be a part of someone's life is no fun either.

It sounds like the two of you just want different things, plain and simple.
You want a committed relationship, she wants to play the field.
If shes not interested in commitment right now, its very unlikely youll honestly change her mind. And youll only be more hurt if you try to stick it out waiting for her.
Go find a better match, someone who is also actively seeking a stable relationship.

You are cute! I will date you!

haha, Okay let me be serious now.

I agree with Shine. It sounds like you two are on different pages.
I would talk to her about it.

I somewhat disagree with some of the others.
I would hang in there and give her more time if you are really sure that she is the one you want.
With all the changes she has been having to deal with in her life recently - getting over her divorce, her eldest son going off to college, the loss of her last parent and the getting back into the workforce, it is no wonder she is not able to give you a more definite answer about taking your relationship to the next level. She is trying to find her own feet with all that other stuff, and so she just really needs to know that you have got her back for now, like you have been doing.
I would say if things don't settle down more over the next year or so, then it may be that you decide to move on then. But if you feel she is the one, and worth being more patient for. I would just give it a bit more time. Especially if she has been more devoted to you lately and quit wanting to date anyone else.
JMHO

I am not sure what to really suggest. But all I know is that when you are at a certain age time is not on your side.

Too many people waste their lives waiting around for people to make a move or a decision and when years pass and it does not come to nothing what a waste of time it is.

You need to really figure out and truly know what is important to you and what you really want and then communicate it. Don't be waiting around for it.

Three years is a hell of a long time to be in a relationship that is not going to plan. I think within the first six months people who are experienced know what they want.

I'm a single woman who was married 25 year. I'm close to the age of your girlfriend, and I've been separated and divorced for two years. I know that eventually I would like to be married again. I'm not sure when I will be ready for it, but I know that it is something that I want. After three years, your girlfriend already knows what kind of relationship she wants with you. You need to be honest with her and ask her what she wants in your relationship. Some people in our age group would never consider marriage or a long-term commitment again after divorce. She may be one of these people. You need to let her know what you want. If she loves you enough and sees long-term potential with you, she will move forward with the relationship. In my opinion, three years is enough time to know.

It sounds like money is her priority right now. She's going to need a lot of it, a lot of cash, to get out of that jam she's in. If you can help in that arena, great. But, of course, you don't want to do so unless YOUR needs are met too, that there's some kind of commitment from her and that she shares the same future vision with you, lest you just get used for your cash.

It sounds like, at this time, NO, she does NOT share your future vision. Maybe if she gets on her feet financially, you guys will have something to build on. Maybe stay friends, but keep your options open, pursue other people, too, as she is.

Sad, I agree with you to a point, but when someone divorces after a long marriage, especially with kids involved, I believe 6 months in not enough of a period to get your head together. People start a completely new life, OP mentioned that she had a lot of changes, it is like she had to completely rebuild herself. Until the process is complete and the person lets go of all the divorce aftermath in their head, why would anyone want to deal with them and make plans?
It can take a long time to get through this.
I personally would not want to date anyone who just came off a marriage. Most people are not ready to commit and stick to it that soon.

Oh.. Wait. I need to ask you - have you given any reason to your gf not to trust you? Like - do you still have dating profiles up or do you enjoy getting attention from other women and it has come to her knowledge ? This maybe the issue why she is not moving forward.
Just a theory.

Aronia:

No I do not have any dating profiles up, nrt have I been interested in dating anyone other than her. I have been crystal clear about this since fairly early on in our relationship. I am not the type of person who is interested in serial dating so I don't believe my actions contribute to her actions.

I would also like to add that I my confusion is based on the fact that whenever we talk or see each other she tells me she loves me and refers to me as her boyfriend however she refers to herself as single and has referred to me with some of her friends as a casual date. Add to this her dishonesty in the past about her dating other people and even going on a trip with another man during our relationship. There has been lots of talk on here about judging someone by their actions and not their words and that certainly strikes a chord in me.

I consider myself a realist and I would be disappointed if our relationship ended but I would be ok with it if we were coming to this from a place of truth and complete honesty.

To sum things up I find it difficult to comprehend how if you love someone and have been dating for this period of time why you would leave the door open to date others?

She has dated others? and gone on a trip with another man while in a relationship with you?

Oh boy. I would have gotten rid of her right then.

I would have a conversation with her and if she isn't on the same page, move on. If she doesn't want a true commitment and can't acknowledge you are both in a monogamous relationship in her friendship circle then she is just holding on to you for security. I dated someone for a year and a half and come to find out he never really wanted a serious relationship and didn't know how to have one. She has alot of other things going on. Find someone who really wants to be with you and you are not their confidant waiting in the wings. I can understand if she's scared of getting too close but to want to break up 2 times is saying she doesn't this. Don't waste more time and let us know how it goes.