Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
when you're in love?
my boyfriend tells me all the time that he loves me. i say i love him too. but do i?
every time i thought i was in love with someone, it was torture. they never loved me back. that just made me love them more. it was that whole "wanting what you can't have" thing. now i have a great guy who takes care of me and loves me.
i feel comfortable with him, i feel safe, we laugh together, we have the same taste in music. we want all of the same things. but my heart doesn't do flip flops when i see him and when he's not here, i don't miss him. i feel like something is wrong, like i don't love him enough.
am i totally off base about my conception of love? i know i want it to grow and progress. i also know that if i felt as though i couldn't live without him, that's a red flag that what i'm feeling isn't real. i know that what i see in the media isn't real. but what is real? what does real love look like?
i think that i'm making a good choice in staying with this man. i just want to know if anyone else has felt this way and what it was all about.
my boyfriend tells me all the time that he loves me. i say i love him too. but do i?
every time i thought i was in love with someone, it was torture. they never loved me back. that just made me love them more. it was that whole "wanting what you can't have" thing. now i have a great guy who takes care of me and loves me.
i feel comfortable with him, i feel safe, we laugh together, we have the same taste in music. we want all of the same things. but my heart doesn't do flip flops when i see him and when he's not here, i don't miss him. i feel like something is wrong, like i don't love him enough.
am i totally off base about my conception of love? i know i want it to grow and progress. i also know that if i felt as though i couldn't live without him, that's a red flag that what i'm feeling isn't real. i know that what i see in the media isn't real. but what is real? what does real love look like?
i think that i'm making a good choice in staying with this man. i just want to know if anyone else has felt this way and what it was all about.
If you feel fluttery all the time, if he is the first person you think of when you wake up and the first person you think of before you go to sleep then I think it's heading in the right direction.
Being in love is different to loving someone imo, being in love is fabulous, exciting, it's like nothing on earth, but then you start to love that person and it changes to something more settled.
One reason why people keep starting new relationships, is when that 'honeymoon period' is over and you start to settle into love, some people get bored and want that excitement and flutter again.
people keep questioning me about my hesitation when it comes to this relationship but don't believe me when i say it has nothing really to do with him.
i just wanted to know that i'm not crazy. :)
Could it be that you feel you are a helpful person? That you like to save people? That maybe you can't help yourself, but you think you can make up for that by helping others with their life?
Because if this is the case, then you're not loving him for himself. You're loving the idea that you supply some necessary thing for him. In effect, you're loving yourself. And it's not in a healthy way.
I'm sure this guy is a good guy. You know he is. But it sounds like you're having a little respect problem - in some areas of his life, not all of it.
I think you're trying to pin down the real issue. It's difficult to do that when you may be deceiving yourself in some way. And my comment may be way off base. So keep the dialog going and maybe we can pin it down.
Love is when you care enough to make the right decisions for them even if it is not the right decision for you. It is when you want to make that person smile because its the best thing in the world when they do. When you look at them and think how wonderful they are, even when they are frustrating you. When you can look at them and see how they have improved your life just by being who they are and making you want to be better. Its when you don't judge them for mistakes but help them be stronger for making the mistakes.
Avalanche I have been with my guy for five years and I still get the fluttery feeling. Somehow when I look at him I see the sexiest man I have ever known. I don't know how the feeling stays, butterflies have always left after the newness wears off but this guy just keeps giving me butterflies.
I'm just really trying to figure out what i want to have happen with this man.
this is the first relationship that i've been in that's been pretty serious. maybe i'm scared. i just don't know. i'm very confused.
Why do you need to analyze it? If you have a relationship that you think can grow, why not just let it go it's course? Why try to force it in a direction?
You're trying to not make a mistake. You are going to make mistakes. He is going to make mistakes. What's important is the way you both handle it, isn't it?
you're right. i'm woman enough to admit it. :)
Women are always right, and I'm man enough to admit it. It's logical :-)
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#10
OK, I will remind you, should you forget :-)
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#12
No worries :-)
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