Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

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ohxemxgee 12/12/2011

I have been dating this guy for 3 months, known him for over a year.
Point of this is, I should not be acting the way I am this early in a relationship. Last night I drilled him about this girl he dated off and on for two years, what was so interesting about her, what did they talk about, what was sex like. I keep going on and on with these questions and I've done it with his other ex's too.

This guy has never given me reason to believe that he is not loyal or that I'm not important. He buys me things, does nice things for me like watch my daughter when I work on his days off, has a great sense of humor, is up front and honest, gives me a wonderful sex life. There's not much more I can ask for, yet I still do.

I lose my temper easy, I can't seem to stop and control what I say, I throw things out of anger, I gave myself a black eye, cut my wrist the first time in 2 years. Whats strange is that he is not doing anything to make me want to do this. I'm doing it all on my own. I've threatened to just be alone and have him leave me but thats not what I want at all.

What is wrong with me? Why do I push him away so much? I need answers fast because I feel like he is getting tired of my behavior which I do not blame at all. Because when we get along we get along amazingly its just my temper that is the problem. I admit its me, now what is it that makes me this way?

If anyone can message me and talk to me for advice or give me suggestions here, that would be great.

Pandylove 12/13/2011

Firstly if i was you id stop asking questions about his ex's, or talking about it, the chicks are history- leave them there.

Maybe you need to give yourself some time-outs, Learn some deep breathing or meditation.

Maybe even seek some counseling to help you with your anger.

I hope you can get it under-control before he walks out the door

deleted_user 12/13/2011

Coming from a guy, I agree with Pandy, don't talk about the ex's. I used to torture myself with this stuff, you must trust that he is with you for a reason, or he wouldn't be with you. Also Please try and get counseling for this in particular (coping with relationships). Also, I know it's easier said than done, but try to "let go". He likes you, so go with it. Don't try to manipulate his attraction. People like you and me tend to sabotage something before we give it a full chance, this helps us bail without ever getting close.... And like Pandy said, deep breathing, and try to go to a happy place, and know he is there for you...

koolman 12/13/2011

Maybe because your anger excites you? Without it, you find life rather boring?

It's OK; you're not alone.

koolman 12/13/2011

I too need to "act out" occasionally, to keep from dying of a boredom coma.

deleted_user 12/13/2011

I have an anger issue too. Part of it's a controlling thing. Have you looked into co-dependency? That is a huge part of my problem

ohxemxgee 12/16/2011

Thanks for the advice everybody. You are all absolutely right and I liked what everyone had to say. But I'm wondering Koolman if you are right about getting angry is exciting to me because I've been like that since I was 4. I'm not sure though but I have problem with throwing things and punching things and I'm not a mean person at all I try not to be. I'm just so afraid of getting left that it's like I try to keep people distant even when I want them close! UGH! crazy me.

deleted_user 12/17/2011

i think i had same problem with my girl..she always fight with me for nothing..i uderstand sometimes but in some it became so hard she punish me with bad wordad al time i say ok but that with time make me feel less for her.
think that is your men and you need him all time with you
be good ..hhhhh

deleted_user 12/18/2011

You'll push him away fast hun if ya don't pull it back a bit. I think it's a few things: Some insecurities going on in there somewhere. Some anger also. I was like that in my late teens / early twenties. A jealous ragin crazy girl..and I loved it..a part of me really did =/ The adrenaline, and then the making up, yep! Gotta knock it off though, they're ex's for a reason!! Guys like a confidant girl. Look at you, you're beautiful! Don't ruin it by being a psycho! And he helps out with your little girl after three months of dating? That's pretty cool to dear =] If within your heart you know you have issues ( and you know what I'm talking about) fix em! Counseling, whatever it takes. You want to set a good example for that precious daughter of yours as well right ;) Merry Christmas & Good luck!! Heidi

bfly87 12/18/2011

I know exactly what you are going throough hun i am xactly the same, i have been with my partner now for 3 years and im still doing it but i am losing him everytime im doing it but i cant stop. When i think the relationship is too good to be true and we dont argue for ages i tend to drag up anything i can use and throw it in his face to cause drama. It isnt healthy which i noe hun but you cant help it.

deleted_user 12/18/2011

@ bfly: If you have the attitude you can't help it, you can't stop, then you will be stuck in that mindset and you won't be able to. If you truely want to change, you are determined to change, you get the help you need and do the work you need to do then you can stop it.

deleted_user 12/20/2011

your addicted to passion .... anger, love, arguing, sex

its all passion - however its not all good for you.

take time to breathe and ask yourself... is fighting what I want from him or do I want time and attention. then choose an alternate method of feeling alive

bigguy3 12/20/2011

I'm sorry I don't really have any advice. Your profile indicates that you are bi-polar. This likely plays a role in your behavior. It sounds like you could benefit from some counseling sessions .... learn some methods of dealing with your anger in a healthy way. I know it isn't easy but I speak from experience that a good therapist can really help.

That being said, I would not be able to deal with your behavior for long. The interrogations alone would be enough to make me want to move on to someone else. I think you need to get it under control or this relationship won't lasf very long.

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