Healthy Relationships Support Group
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My fiancee and I have been together for almost 4 years. We have had plenty of problems, but most of the time I think we are doing okay. But I have one major issue.
When we first met he lived at home. His mother cleaned his room for him, did his laundry, cooked his meals, packed him lunches when needed. He was 20 years old.
When we moved in together he thought that I should do all these things! Didn't fly so well and we fought alot. I almost moved out. But after many fights and discussions he got better. He still didn't do the dishes or sweep the floors, but he did do laundry, cook a little and clean up after himself.
However, we just had a daughter a month ago, and now I am no longer working. This has brought up all the old problems again.
He seems to think that I should do all the cleaning and cooking. I don't mind doing the majority of it, because I am at home. But I would like some help!
My typical day is getting up with the baby, feeding her, doing his breakfast dishes(he would be gone for work by this time) doing laundry, taking out the garbage, sweeping all the floors, and doing all the daily cleaning. Then I have to make supper, he comes home, dumps all his work stuff where ever, and eats. After that there are dishes and he expects me to pack his lunch. Mean while he watches TV.
If I say anything he gets mad and says that he works all day so he shouldn't have to do anything at home. Raising a one month old my seem like a cake walk to him but it's a lot of work to me! She is a fussy little girl!
How do I get him to pick up after himself again? I don't want to do the months of arguing again. His mom was a stay at home mother and she never let him grow up! What's the best way for me to get him to help??
When we first met he lived at home. His mother cleaned his room for him, did his laundry, cooked his meals, packed him lunches when needed. He was 20 years old.
When we moved in together he thought that I should do all these things! Didn't fly so well and we fought alot. I almost moved out. But after many fights and discussions he got better. He still didn't do the dishes or sweep the floors, but he did do laundry, cook a little and clean up after himself.
However, we just had a daughter a month ago, and now I am no longer working. This has brought up all the old problems again.
He seems to think that I should do all the cleaning and cooking. I don't mind doing the majority of it, because I am at home. But I would like some help!
My typical day is getting up with the baby, feeding her, doing his breakfast dishes(he would be gone for work by this time) doing laundry, taking out the garbage, sweeping all the floors, and doing all the daily cleaning. Then I have to make supper, he comes home, dumps all his work stuff where ever, and eats. After that there are dishes and he expects me to pack his lunch. Mean while he watches TV.
If I say anything he gets mad and says that he works all day so he shouldn't have to do anything at home. Raising a one month old my seem like a cake walk to him but it's a lot of work to me! She is a fussy little girl!
How do I get him to pick up after himself again? I don't want to do the months of arguing again. His mom was a stay at home mother and she never let him grow up! What's the best way for me to get him to help??
Is it possible he's doing more than you perceive? You may see those dirty dishes in the sink but have you overlooked him cleaning the garage yesterday? (I'm not taking sides. Sometimes we all get lost in perceptions.)
One suggestion I have for you is delegating him tasks he enjoys doing more than others. Maybe he prefers mowing the lawn or taking out the trash to vacuuming.
i thought maybe i was overlooking things too, but im not. he even expects me to mow the lawn now, its been about a month since it was cut. we live on a slope and im not strong enough to push the mower uphill.
he doesnt really enjoy any housework. the only way to get him to do things is to buy a new cleaning tool that he thinks is cool! then it only holds his interest for a day or two.
oh well, just gotta keep trudging i guess
Have you considered hiring help? You could also use that as leverage in your conversation -- i.e. "If you mow the lawn we can hire housekeeping for the rest." or "If you don't help I'm going to spend your money to clean this place up!"
You want clean dishes...clean em..
You want clean clothes...wash em and fold em baby..
While it may not be the best advice..it may be one of the few things to actually get his attention..
On the other side of it...have you tried getting him to help you with the housework during a time you BOTH can do it together?? Kindof a "you take this room, I'll take that one" kind of thing??
I had a boyfriend who wouldn't clean a damn thing until the day I waited for him in the kitchen..in the nude...holding a broom...
my my my how quickly the floors got done!