In my experience lying is a self esteem issue.
We lie to make ourselves feel like we are more than we are. Or to avoid judgement which is related because we always judge ourselves more than anyone else. (ok, usually) Avoidance is the third reason. Avoiding taking responsibility for our actions. Which is also tied to self esteem.
If he really cares about you and you said something like: I’m sorry I couldn’t be truthful with you, I wanted you to see me as better than I see myself..... Can this direction teach you something about your behavior and at the same time help him to see that you have some work to do on yourself?
Remember that you’re not broken, just need to love yourself more.

You need to understand why you are lying,
What are you afraid of?
What are you hiding?
When did you start lying?
When you lie, ask yourself why you lied.
attempt to tell him you lied and why.
You need to look into your self, and be honest with yourself first.
if you are afraid to tell him to his face, write down on a note why you lied, what your fear was.

Some people do not see lying as a problem or even as being deceitful. As in "no big deal" or "everyone does it" or "its better for me if I lie". We have several relatives that lie when the truth will do. One of them was diagnosed with a personality disorder unfortunately. None of them can see how this lying is harmful to relationships nor do they understand how it feels to be lied to constantly. It is just something they feel righteous about doing. Like you, they can't help it or feel it is like breathing. I believe it is both their personality disorder and a way to control others, manipulate others.


Do you truly have remorse about lying or is this just something that you got caught doing? I am not sure this is fixable by yourself on your own unless you decide you want to change. I am going to suggest getting a good therapist and being honest with them about how much you lie. I am also going to suggest you let this boyfriend go, allow him to move on in his life. Not what you want to hear or experience, it just seems the kindest thing to do FOR him - saying this from my own experience of being lied to constantly.

I think that everyone tells white lies from time to time however it seems that you've been doing some things that could hurt your relationship and then lying about them re money and your ex

Trust has been broken.... You have to decide if you want to change the things that you're doing because as well as hurting him you're hurting yourself

Can you get into any therapy?... Do you want to change or do you just want him to forgive you?

Maybe take some time to look within and think about why you're doing these things.... Big hug... I wish you well.....xo

I can see how this would be a tough situation. You've been together for years now but it sounds like he's finally had enough with the lies. Have you considered starting a journal? How this would work is each time you catch yourself lying or about to lie about something, you would jot down what you were lying about and why you felt like lying about it. Then, if you ever decide therapy might be right for you, you would have a record of instances to bring up and discuss. As far as the relationship goes, I would try to be as understanding and open with him as much as you can.

At this point there is no argument, your boyfriend deserves to be mad. However, I'm worried that if you were to try and be honest with him he may not take you seriously. You shouldn't be upset at him for being upset at you for lying, but he should also try to be understanding of you, whether it's a condition you may or may not have or if it's just something you didn't know you were, he needs to understand that you have this problem and he should be willing to give you a chance if you can start to improve this issue of compulsive lying. I'm not trying to say that he is obligated to stay with you because of the issue nor am I saying he should definitely leave, but if he chooses to remain with you he needs to be willing to give you that chance and you need to be willing to put the work into the changes that will need to happen to correct this.

Something that help and be a place for you both to start, aside from therapy, would be to sit down and have him point out what you most frequently lie about or which things that bother him most that you lie about. Sitting down and figuring out a way to help rebuild his trust and give you ideas on what you do in his eyes may help this process go more smoothly. And I agree, figuring out when you first started to lie and why will be a big help in resolving your overall issue.

That sounds like something a counselor would be helpful in resolving. He could help you get to the bottom of why you do what you do and help you resolve any root causes.

What do we do when we mess up in a part of a job interview, we think of comebacks that elevate our worth to the company. Apply this to your relationship, and mean it.