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Help?! I can only bond with one person at a time.

cj8258
cj8258
My entire life I have only ever been able to build on a relationship with one person at a time, and anyone other than that one person faces an onslaught of irritation. I can switch from one person to another fairly easily. I have been diagnosed as having BPD and Bipolar. I have not found a similar problem in either...

In my immediate family (who are my only concern ever) I have my spouse and stepson. I am my stepson's primary care giver and care for him as if he were my own. When he is with us we play and interact and strengthen our bond, but I am excluding my spouse, sometimes undermining him. All without knowing! When my stepson is not with us and/or if I am favoring my spouse he gets my undivided attention. I can tune in and anticipate his needs, be emotionally and intellectually available. All the while I am nothing but irritated at everyone else, snapping at my stepson even.

Why?

Thoughts?
koolman
koolman
Two's company, three's a crowd!
Aronia
Aronia
What makes you feel like you are doing something wrong?
I think it is a gift to be able to focus on one person and give them all your attention . I don't see anything wrong with it. If someone truly loves and knows you, they should feel secure in knowing that you love them back and this is a trait of your personality and accept it for what it is.
Aronia
Aronia
The snapping part definitely not a good thing, you are probably overstimulated by having multiple tasks at hand. If you can allow yourself to relax about it, maybe you won't feel so irritable.
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Have you had therapy for BPD??... You've said that you undermine your stepson's father??... Splitting is something that sometimes people with borderline personalities do but there is good help for this cj.... Big hug....x
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Splitting

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Splitting_(psychology)
cj8258
cj8258
I'm currently practicing DBT both on my own and with a group lead by a therapist who I also see to process my DBT work. I am familiar with splitting and it is true on a more general base. You are my very best friend or the enemy. It's just I don't see that being able to only connect with one person at a time is a part of that. I love my (step)son and my spouse very much. That doesn't change unless there is some kind of argument/slight or w/e (and even then it doesn't truly change, it's just these insane feelings).

I've been working on switching my attention constantly throughout the day. Do something for me, hang out with the munchkin, help my love, try to reach out positively to each other person while I'm doing the other things. It's going ok but I can almost FEEL the shift inside myself. I feel like my brain is the Eye of Sauron (from LOTR)...

Thanks for the thoughts everyone! I am very motivated to get better, it's a slow process.
LivingWater
LivingWater
Although I have been bipolar and a therapist once thought I had BPD (I do not agree), I do not have the trait you are describing, i.e., splitting, or feeling that another person is totally your friend or your enemy. In reality, everyone is flawed. Everyone has some good and some bad in them, it's a mix. I hope you can benefit from treatment. Blessings.
cj8258
cj8258
I see my DBT class tomorrow, I'll run this by them. I'm obsessing about this as I can't find this specific dysfunction/disorder/whatever anywhere. I only just stumbled upon this personal reality yesterday and I will vanquish it! I can already see how much better mine and my families lives will be....
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