I don’t think it’s passive aggressive. I think it’s appropriate to set boundaries with people if needed. Maybe with time as you reconnect you will share more.

I do though suspect how you explain your position or stance can determine how it’s perceived by your sibling. I mean if you sound harsh when delivering it that may not go over.

Without context, I guess I’m not sure why you have explain it at all and instead you both can just apologize things in the past and agree to move forward. I get nothing may be quite that easy but I also don’t think things ever need to be as hard as we make them either. All relationships require some level of vulnerability. It’s just threading that needle between sharing and protecting yourself if hurt previously.

I am not sure if this is passive/aggressive, it is all in how you delivered it. When I think of P/A, I tend to think of people not saying anything, staying silent about abuse or meanness, and then later getting hateful or rude because one is angry. It sounds like if you feel you have to set boundaries with this sibling, then doing so at the get-go is not P/A. Not setting the necessary boundaries and then getting angry that this person keeps boundary busting is what feels like P/A to me. If your sibling is saying you are P/A in delivering your boundaries, this might be them scapegoating or blacksheeping you. Making you the bad one. With some people, we have to recognize that we can't force them to change, we can't force them to respect our boundaries. But we can do what is best for ourselves which sometimes means reducing contact or keeping everything surface level.

Thank you, rmb and urbangardener.

I agree that setting boundaries is healthy especially if someone has shown themselves not to be trustworthy

She may just be trying to show you that she cares by asking....

You can always answer her with a short sentence...."I'm doing well thanx' and change the subject if you wanted to