Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I was in a brief relationship that just recently ended and I am just beginning to realize that I don't think it could have been healthy at all anyway because the guy was such a heavy drinker. He is the type of drinker who never appears drunk even though he puts massive amounts of alcohol in his body. So he has a big strong alcohol resistance. I have learned before in a relationship I had a few years ago that it really hampers efforts to have a healthy relationship if someone in the relationship or both people are drinking heavily. I mean, do you really care about your loved one if you are damaging yourself so much with alcohol that you can't even think straight? You can't have an emotionally healthy conversation. You can't work out problems you are having as a couple. And you are just burdening the other person with all the health problems you are causing for yourself.
I just didn't realize how much this person's drinking was having an effect. It didn't occur to me how much he was drinking. And now I wonder, if the relationship could have ever had a chance with him being that heavy of a drinker. I think at times when we really needed to talk about something, as a couple, he submerged those feelings and drank instead.
It was such a brief relationship, that i didn't realize it, at first, or didn't think it mattered. But now I realize that in all relationships, even short ones, there are going to be massive problems, even early on, if someone is a massive drinker. It's just going to cause you more problems. Everyone ought to be trying their best to be healthy.
I just didn't realize how much this person's drinking was having an effect. It didn't occur to me how much he was drinking. And now I wonder, if the relationship could have ever had a chance with him being that heavy of a drinker. I think at times when we really needed to talk about something, as a couple, he submerged those feelings and drank instead.
It was such a brief relationship, that i didn't realize it, at first, or didn't think it mattered. But now I realize that in all relationships, even short ones, there are going to be massive problems, even early on, if someone is a massive drinker. It's just going to cause you more problems. Everyone ought to be trying their best to be healthy.
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Good Thursday to you!I've been watching a really long trial on Youtube these last couple of nights and will finish tomorrowHopefully I'll be in the land of nod soon and I hope my peeps are having sweet dreams followed by a great daySending hugs...xo
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
At least death is a distinct event that allows one to grieve and find closure. Alcoholism is a long, slow and drawn-out death witnessed and endured by all who care about the alcoholic. During this time there is no grieving, no closure and no moving on. The closer one is, the harder it hits.
I second what RMB had to say.
@racingirl. Please read what the others have written. Your engaged to an alcoholic. He's dependant on the drink to get him through. Please reconsider your path.
being angry...
The list of what starts out to be comforting to us as humans and results in controlling us and ruining our lives is pretty much endless, right?
When a loved one is in the grip of addiction it's horrible.
When I've dealt with it, It helped me to view my loved one as Linda Blair in the movie "The Exorcist" I had to try my best to talk to my loved one while the "demon" was sleeping. If we kick the entire package to the curb the "demon" will whisper in their ear... "See, I am your only friend"
In his moments of sobriety, try to get him to think about what he would want for someone he loves very much. Ask him how he would feel if his son or daughter were drinking as much as he does every day. Would he be worried about them? Then you can slide in the idea that he deserves to have just as wonderful a life as the person he loves.... as we are all equal in God's eyes. It helped in the situation with my loved one. Though drinking is different than the addiction my loved one had.because his body could be addicted to it, and he might need medical help to stop and/or wean himself down slowly.
I hope he will fight and win.
I like the idea about trying to talk to him while the demon is sleeping, because he probably wouldn't remember the convo if it was any other time.
He did recognize the problem at one point in his life (before I met him), and had a great sponsor for 9 years. But then his sponsor died & he re-lapsed. I would like to play the roll of sponsor for him, but am pretty sure that needs to be someone that is an alcoholic. I do appreciate all of your thoughts and hope that I can encourage him to get well.
I was in AA for 8 years. Then I left and went to Smart Recovery.
Have him check out Smart Recovery . org.
He may like it better.
I think you should look into joining Al-Anon. It is for people who have an alcoholic in their lives. They were a great resource for me.
As the parent of an addict and daughter of an alcoholic I visit the above page. You may want to check in on the alcoholics page as well.
https://www.promises.com/articles/addiction-intervention/drug-rehab-treatment-2/
http://www.narconon.org/drug-rehab/alcoholic-family.html
It's a serious undertaking not to be taken lightly or without support and resolve, and for that reason I second Misred's suggestion: Find an Al-Anon meeting near you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=So64wDv0mlg
Given the fact that your fianc had a sponsor for 9 years and relapsed means he's fully aware that he's an alcoholic and is dependant on you staying neieve about the whole thing. He's sweet talking you into being ok with his drinking.
I just wanted toy to understand that to those of us who have lived with addicts, he's a walking RED FLAG. For you he's a great guy who just happens to drink a lot. Let me tell you . Addicts love to manipulate and when they've got the wool pulled over your eyes is when they are most content in their addiction.
Educate yourself on the disease. Read some good books. Join a few support sites. Learn what to do. Living with and loving an alcoholic who refuses help is like living with a cancer patient refusing treatment. You will become nurse maid, mother, and police in his life as this progresses and chances are it will progress.
I wish you the best and hope he finds help to stop drinking.