It's understandable how you feel. It's too bad about the misunderstanding. For someone to be upset is one thing, but for them to be upset about the wrong reasons is that much more heart wrenching because all this time they're still getting to know you, so if he gets the wrong idea, even if just for a few days it's still hard.

Some people do need time to themselves to cool off (I know I'm like that), but it's also important for you to clear the air just because it IS a misunderstanding and he's upset because he thinks you're being petty / jealous which are not great traits.

I'd say emailing him is a great idea. I know it would be appreciated for him to know that the opinion he's forming of you is incorrect. It's also great because at the same time you are honoring his wishes of not bothering him and letting him be alone. It's an act of respecting his preference of how he deals with stressful situations.

Hopefully you will also have a chance to talk to him about the rooting problem and have a plan to move forward (i.e. short term goals of him clocking in less hours within a year, and or a long term goal, for him to change professions even). I'm not sure but it does sound like his overworking is a deal breaker for you. It usually is.

Good luck to you :)

Thank you, Rose. He is going to a 5 day work week in June, which is why this has been hard. I know one of those days will be for me (hopefully) and then another for himself and his friends/family.

I will emai him, I am just scared I will make it worse or say the wrong thing, but I am not even sure why hes mad because he wont tell me (I can only assume based on the things he said to me before we left the house on Sunday). I guess I can just try to cover everything that it could possibly be.

Don't worry, everything will be OK. He is overworked and if he doesn't get time to chill out he will blow his gasket. Leave him alone for a while.

Awesome to hear you guys have a plan spririt11. Yes email him with empathy and keep his feelings and validation to your feelings in mind as well.

Good luck :D

I can understand your feelings. I'm a bit concerned about this 'bonding' with your daughter, bonding is good but not when it excludes you. I hope they don't get too close cuz I've seen too many relationships with older men who turn on to 'younger' girls. I understand that he is working too many hours and I've seen people burn out from the unbalanced life that is. I'm wondering if he is avoiding you because he is uncomfortable with intimacy. Is he a workaholic? I would not apologize about being concerned about his exclusive time with your daughter and would watch that. Do you ever go with him out with friends? or have get togethers so that it's not that each person has to take turns, and sometimes he gets to be with everybody together?

I honestly dont think he would come on to my daughter, he is definitely not that way. I think he looks at her more like a kid sister than anything. I am always in the room when they are together anyways. His brothers and him used to get drunk and play video games all night on his night off before we became involved, and I think he truly misses that. We have been together a year and a half and we have never gone 'out' on a date. He has asked for me to find a sitter for my daughter because he wants to have a special date night, but everytime nothing has happened. We have stayed home and done what we do every weekend, cook dinner and watch movies. I got upset with him a couple times because it was pointless to even get a sitter because we didnt do anything out of the ordinary that we didnt do when my daughter is there.

I am his first real relationship in about 10 years, he has been single throughout most if not all of his twenties. I know its an adjustment to go from do what you want when you want to being mindful of being there for someone else. He apologizes all the time for being a bad boyfriend, and has had nightmares I guess of losing me. He will then calling me on the phone telling me how lucky he is to have me and how much he loves me and he promises to do better. But then weeks and months go by and things never change, and it doesnt feel like he wants things to change. Now it feels like when I bring it up about the quality time (which is maybe once every month or two), he tells me I am out living my life and he doesnt get to see his friends or family anymore and its because he spends his only day off with me. I havent told him he cant see them, I tell him all the time to go see them, but he never does. I dont know if he is still trying to show me that I am more important by spending that time together. He always told me we were going to have cookouts with his friends, but its has been all talk and he has never planned anything outright.

When we first got together he was all about finding another job so we could have more time together, but then about 6 months into our relationship he said he was happy with his job and didnt want to leave. I told him if he truly likes what he does then to stay because I didnt want him to resent me by going to something else and hating it. His place of business is now going to a 5 day work week which I am happy for, but it doesnt do anytthing for me in the quality time department. If we get through this, we will have our one day during the weekend, and the other will be dedicated to his family, friends, or chill time. Which I am fine with, and I know he needs. I really could adjust to all this and be fine if it felt like he was trying harder. I just feel like I have become a burden now.

I did email him. Just explained how I was feeling that night about the situation, didnt bring up anything he did or blame him. I told him I think I understand what he is going through and that I was very grateful that he chose to spend his only day off with me, that I want him to see his family more and I dont want him to think I would never stand in the way of that. I havent heard anything yet. I just wish he would at least talk to me and tell me everything is okay. If he at least did that, than this whole 'I need time to myself' wouldnt hurt so bad and I could go on with my life without this feeling of dread and heartache.

Talking about this in this this forum is really helping me to not completely break down. The email yesterday helped too. But then the time passes and I hear nothing and know nothing and my heart just breaks all over again.

We used to talk about it all the time, but we dont anymore. The way he talks about fixing up his house, it doesnt sound like its a plan for the near future. His house is too small for him, myself and my daughter, we had decided that when we talked about it in the past.. He likes his space so I dont think he wants to give it up just yet.

Well, I finally did get an email from him yesterday in response to my email. He said he is pissed and hurt and felt like he was neglecting his family more than me. He said he needs to talk a step back to find balance because he doesnt know how to handle it.

He ended up spending the night we usually spend together with his brothers hanging out. I am happy he is getting his bonding time, but still painfully hurt that he has shut me out and wants to work it out alone instead of with me. I feel like there is going to be no compromise this way, like his way goes, and I will have to accept it or move on. He did tell me that he loves me and misses me.

Any more advice? Words of comfort? This week has been hell. I would love to get to the point where I can focus on my daughter and me and not randomly start crying through out the day... everyday. I love to run, read, shop, talk to friends... I have kept running but all my runs have sucked, and I am just completely drained. It is affecting everything and I just want to at least function through out the day.

My only advice is to be wary of a man who chooses to shut you out when the going gets tough instead of responding positively. I don't mean that to be harsh, but is this his go-to way of dealing with problems? If so, it will make compromise very difficult, or you will find yourself jumping through hoops to appease him and make him happy, while putting yourself last. You have to be strong because you have a child. If this relationship fails, you're still a mother and that relationship with your daughter needs to thrive.

I worked two jobs for 16 years. Having no down time is extremely stressful and eventually the pressure of work, trying to please the family and attempting to have a relationship is like a ticking time bomb.
I think you Are not at fault, he just had a mini meltdown and wanted to regroup instead of blowing up on you.
He needs a vacation to relax.

I figured I would just add to this thread as it has some of the background information on what has happened in the past. My significant other and I worked things out back in June and we continued with our relationship. Hindsight though, we never really talked it through just both apologized for our parts in the argument and moved on. I listened to his problems and changed how I handled everything. I still saw him less even though he went to a two day work week, and I kept my mouth shut and just tried to enjoy the time I had with him. Anyways, this past weekend everything was going great. We did our usual stuff, we had dinner, watched movies, were talking about vacation plans, he played video games with my daughter, then me, and then by himself as I fell asleep on the couch next to him. I woke up at some point and kissed his cheek and went to bed. I woke up a couple of hours later to find he was still in the living room playing games (8am in the morning), got up and peed and went back to bed. I started to cry (quietly) because I just felt so alone. He came in at that point and saw me crying and said, 'I cant do this anymore, I cant pretend. I dont want to be in a relationship anymore. I just want to be alone and think I will be perfectly happy with that.' He proceeds to tell me that he cant get over something that happened in our past when we werent even together, that he loves me but is not in love with me. I was still crying because its just so sudden and I am in shock. I told him I dont understand because I have given him the space he needs and I even volunteers without him asking to give him this next weekend to spend time with his brothers like he said he wanted to. He proceeds to tell me he doesnt want to hang with his brothers and that they are a bunch of dicks. He just feels like he has to because they are family. I asked him why he made me feel so bad for not spending any time with his family, and he told me because he has too spend time with them. But he just wants everyone to leave him alone. I hug him because he is crying at this point, and he tells me, he loves me, he loves me so much but I have to go. I gave him his key back and left.
I am so completely and utterly heartbroken because I feel like he is in a bad place and this stuff we are going through is stuff that can be worked out, but I dont know what to do. Ultimately, I have granted him what he wishes, leaving him alone. I wrote him a VERY LONG email on this past monday explaining every possible thing I can think of that he maybe upset about and just letting him know I love him unconditionally and am there for him, because I do think that something has happened to him that makes him scared to be close to someone, but I havent heard back from him. I dont know whether to try to heal and move on or to hold on to hope that we will get through this or that he will reach out to me. I guess the feeling of needing to be there for him is from the past before we finally did get together. We had started talking a few times, and then he would disappear for a few weeks and I would hear nothing from him. During these times, I went back to my ex twice. This is something he says he cant get over. But he disappeared on me and made me think he wasnt interested in pursuing the relationship, which is why when my ex came begging for another chance, I gave it to him. My ex has not been in the picture for well over 2 years now, and is not an issue. I am worried though if I move on, he will come around and then feel like I did exactly what he thought I would do. I dont plan on jumping into a new relationship but I need to do stuff to help me heal and move on, like take down pictures, attempt to do things that make me happy, and get rid of potentially false hope. I feel so lost and confused... any guidance or perspective would help so much.

I meant he had two days off now, not a two day work week.

I mean this nicely, but so what if he comes back around and thinks you did exactly what he thought you would do?

I wish I could have that, 'eff him' mentality, but I care very deeply for him. I know he is going through alot of shit. I know he is stressed or something is bothering him and he sucks at expressing his feelings and communicating something is wrong. I hate that I am what gets sacrificed when things get too hard. He is a genuinely good person who tries to do right by everyone and I think he fears he is sucking at it with me and it kills him to see me hurt the way I am over it. And yes, he is a bit selfish too, but this is someone who has been single a majority of his life. He says things all the time that makes me realize he feels guilty at how bad he is at this relationship. I just have a mentality that when something is broken, you try to fix it. Especially when you love and care about the person and you know the person loves and cares about you too. I know he does. Its all in his hands though right now as to whether he wants to fix this. I do, I really want to. I just dont know how long to give it before I finally decide its not happening. Especially if he isnt talking to me at the moment. I think he eventually will, but given our history, it could be weeks or months. Part of me thinks to give it another week then try to reach out again. I just dont know how long to give him to get his head straight.