Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I know my marriage is bad. It's no where NEAR being "healthy".
The problem is that I've been trying so hard for 9 years to make it work. He, on the other hand, never cared.
He does things to hurt me, and never once has tried to "make it right". He's cheated, twice that I know about. He has a porn addiction (a rather disturbing one at that- he doesn't care that our 7 year old son is in the room, and looks at sites called "Petite Teens" and "pre-teen girls"). He yells, hit punches, he insults... When I try to talk to him, he says I'm "harassing him", even if I'm just trying to ask what he wants for dinner for the second time because he ignored me the first time.
But, even with all of that, there were happy moments too. Moments when I knew I didn't want to give up on him. He's had a rough life, and he's been through things that would make anyone have anger issues. But for the past 6 months, even the "happy moments" have gone.
I tell him I want a divorce, and he gets angry all over again, saying the worst things imaginable. A few weeks ago, he said he was going back home to Illinois (we live in Ohio where my family is). Then, the very next day, he signed up for classes at the local college! He tells me he wants me gone, but then acts like nothing has changed.
My head is literally spinning!! I don't know what to do or what to think. I can't talk to him- never could. He doesn't listen, he makes empty promises, or he gets offended and says I just want to fight. I just want to talk about what's going on with us, and try to work things out. But it seems like if I'm not kissing his butt and telling him how wonderful he is, then he takes it all the wrong way.
What should I do? I'm miserable, and I want a divorce. But he won't even hear a word of it. I have no where to go, and I can't go to a shelter because I have a developmentally disabled son who cannot handle a shelter situation. I left him before and stayed with my parents, but they ended up kidnapping my son and I had to get the police to remove him from their home. That's how I ended up back here with.
Does anyone have any suggestions? Anything at all? Is there a way to snap my husband out of this crap he's pulling? Is there a way out for me? A friend suggested I find someone new and move in with them. That's not going to work! I need time to heal. And, what kind of woman would I be if I dated someone while I'm still married?? That's just NOT a good option!
PLEASE HELP!!
The problem is that I've been trying so hard for 9 years to make it work. He, on the other hand, never cared.
He does things to hurt me, and never once has tried to "make it right". He's cheated, twice that I know about. He has a porn addiction (a rather disturbing one at that- he doesn't care that our 7 year old son is in the room, and looks at sites called "Petite Teens" and "pre-teen girls"). He yells, hit punches, he insults... When I try to talk to him, he says I'm "harassing him", even if I'm just trying to ask what he wants for dinner for the second time because he ignored me the first time.
But, even with all of that, there were happy moments too. Moments when I knew I didn't want to give up on him. He's had a rough life, and he's been through things that would make anyone have anger issues. But for the past 6 months, even the "happy moments" have gone.
I tell him I want a divorce, and he gets angry all over again, saying the worst things imaginable. A few weeks ago, he said he was going back home to Illinois (we live in Ohio where my family is). Then, the very next day, he signed up for classes at the local college! He tells me he wants me gone, but then acts like nothing has changed.
My head is literally spinning!! I don't know what to do or what to think. I can't talk to him- never could. He doesn't listen, he makes empty promises, or he gets offended and says I just want to fight. I just want to talk about what's going on with us, and try to work things out. But it seems like if I'm not kissing his butt and telling him how wonderful he is, then he takes it all the wrong way.
What should I do? I'm miserable, and I want a divorce. But he won't even hear a word of it. I have no where to go, and I can't go to a shelter because I have a developmentally disabled son who cannot handle a shelter situation. I left him before and stayed with my parents, but they ended up kidnapping my son and I had to get the police to remove him from their home. That's how I ended up back here with.
Does anyone have any suggestions? Anything at all? Is there a way to snap my husband out of this crap he's pulling? Is there a way out for me? A friend suggested I find someone new and move in with them. That's not going to work! I need time to heal. And, what kind of woman would I be if I dated someone while I'm still married?? That's just NOT a good option!
PLEASE HELP!!
This man has a sick mind, any adult that looks at sex sites that are called "Petite Teens" and "Pre-Teen Girls" is a sexual predator, and he could get you and your child in a lot of trouble, I would even go as far as reporting him to the police, because he is probably the kind that will act up on his sex fantasies with teen girls, and that honey, YOU DO NOT NEED! Get the hell out of the situation that you are in! No matter what you say, this man is not right, and he is not right for you! Stop making excuses for his behavior and get the heck out of dodge! Move to another State if you have to, but get out! No one can help you but yourself, so get the hell out and fo file for a divorce, this man is a ticking bomb waiting to explode, and you do not want to be around when that happens!
You have no other choice but to go visit your local Child Welfare group and tell them your exact situation. (Verbal abuse, Physical Abuse, Child Pornography and a Disabled Son). Whether or not you work for a living, they are very experienced with these types of things and will give you your options.
You will need to prepare and wrap your head around the idea that it is possible you will have to be in a temporary situation that is stressful for your son. Change is difficult, but anything moving forward will be better than staying in your current situation.
really?
how old are you?