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I am in an unhealthy relationship. My other half refuses to admit that there is a problem. He thinks all is well.
So the other night I finally made a big move.
We had plans to go to a movie. He had a dentist appointment, and it ran late, so by the time we got to the theatre the show had sold out. He made a big scene in the lobby, somehow making it my fault that we didn't get tickets, and claiming he knew this would happen. I was humiliated, people were looking. I went silent to keep myself from crying. After a few minutes he apologized. This was his apology......"sorry I got mad but it's your fault we didn't make it." And he thinks that's a pass.
So when we got in the car I took off my promise ring, and my engagment ring and I put them in his hand. I told him that I loved him, and that I wanted to be with him, but we need to fix us. I don't want to marry someone who is unhappy with me and who treats me like he does.
He told me that he doesn't think we have an issue, and that he's happy most of the time.
Then we went to his sister's to visit for a little and I got out of the car with the kid and went inside, and he left. Left me there, to explain to his sister why he had motored off
When he came back and we were at home I tried to get him to talk to me. I asked him what he was feeling, what he was thinking. He shrugged and told me he didn't feel anything. And that he wasn't even thinking about it. That hurt. Alot. I just told him that marriage was no longer a reality for the time being, and he tells me that it doesn't even matter to him.
I told him all the reasons I had given him back the rings. The sudden outbursts of anger, the dissapearing acts, the lack of help with housework and our daughter. The way the only emotion he shows is in regards to money. Our bank account he still considers his and I'm scared to buy socks without his permission becuase he will start yelling at me. The fact that he hasn't said 'I love you' in almost two weeks.
He told me he was tired, and that he was going to bed. End of conversation.
Now its almost two in the afternoon, and he hasn't come out of the bedroom. I'm starting to wonder if maybe instead of taking a step towards fixing our relationship, I took a step towards ending it.
So the other night I finally made a big move.
We had plans to go to a movie. He had a dentist appointment, and it ran late, so by the time we got to the theatre the show had sold out. He made a big scene in the lobby, somehow making it my fault that we didn't get tickets, and claiming he knew this would happen. I was humiliated, people were looking. I went silent to keep myself from crying. After a few minutes he apologized. This was his apology......"sorry I got mad but it's your fault we didn't make it." And he thinks that's a pass.
So when we got in the car I took off my promise ring, and my engagment ring and I put them in his hand. I told him that I loved him, and that I wanted to be with him, but we need to fix us. I don't want to marry someone who is unhappy with me and who treats me like he does.
He told me that he doesn't think we have an issue, and that he's happy most of the time.
Then we went to his sister's to visit for a little and I got out of the car with the kid and went inside, and he left. Left me there, to explain to his sister why he had motored off
When he came back and we were at home I tried to get him to talk to me. I asked him what he was feeling, what he was thinking. He shrugged and told me he didn't feel anything. And that he wasn't even thinking about it. That hurt. Alot. I just told him that marriage was no longer a reality for the time being, and he tells me that it doesn't even matter to him.
I told him all the reasons I had given him back the rings. The sudden outbursts of anger, the dissapearing acts, the lack of help with housework and our daughter. The way the only emotion he shows is in regards to money. Our bank account he still considers his and I'm scared to buy socks without his permission becuase he will start yelling at me. The fact that he hasn't said 'I love you' in almost two weeks.
He told me he was tired, and that he was going to bed. End of conversation.
Now its almost two in the afternoon, and he hasn't come out of the bedroom. I'm starting to wonder if maybe instead of taking a step towards fixing our relationship, I took a step towards ending it.
It sounds like you were almost bluffing and he called your bluff. You played big (giving back the rings) but it turns out he doesn't care--and you were betting that this would get his attention and make him listen to you.
His actions should be getting YOUR attention. If he doesn't care--really doesn't care--and he's being verbally abusive and controlling then maybe you should make good on your threat and walk. Maybe he doesn't think you have the guts and maybe he doesn't care if you go, but either way you need to consider your happiness and your baby's future. What kind of environment do you want your child to grow up in? What kind of future do you want to have?
If you were trying to get attention from a manipulative contoller, all you got was the cold hard truth.
There is so much more to a relationship then "love". It's obvious he has no respect for your feeling, is completely illogical in placing blame, and loves using the silent treatment as punishment. He knows you are upset. He also knows that by talking to you this way, he is hurting you even more.
HE DOESN'T CARE.
These are all tools that he is using to manipulate into apologizing to HIM. And yet again, catering to his feeling, his needs, his EGO.
You can't change anyone else and if you spend your time waiting for someone else to change that is just another day where you miss the sunshine in life. Think long and hard and ask yourself how much sunshine you want in your life and go get it. Hoping you find much happier days ahead and you find someone who can give you just that Best wishes to you:)
i say good for you. The bank account is half your by the way. If someone that wan not my husbadn or even if it was for tht matter told me what I could and could not tke out of it. You need to really take a look at the things you took a stand for. I think you did a good thing. If you marry him he will not change. you deserve to marry someone who loves you and who treats you like a queen. We all deserve that. I wish you the best but don't fall in his trap again. Stay strong if he truly loves you he will 2want to change. If not cut your losses and move on. All things heal with time :)