Only he can fix himself. If he's fit enough to have sex, he's fit enough to take a walk or ride a bike.

Yes, I was like him. I got lots of therapy and I also seem to kind of grow out of it. I still battle with it at times but I am much better than I used to be and my self esteem is much better.
He needs to get therapy and take care of himself. I think it will really help.

Since we met he began heavy exercise and running again and I will see if he will go to therapy later on. I m afraid to bring it up now.. Too early, but I will

Excellent on the exercise! As far as his fears of you cheating on him, unfounded as they may be, he needs to accept free will, say "so what?" and adapt to whatever happens in life. Yes, infidelity hurts, when the cheatee has grown attached to the cheater, but the cheatee has to accept free will and place attention somewhere else.

I know right ? My ex cheated on me too and yes, it does cross my mind at times, but it is very insignificant.

In the case of my most recent ex, it completely tanked the relationship.

It was pretty awful. All the reassurances weren't enough. I couldn't take it anymore.

I agree the exercise will help a lot!

If people want to improve themselves, that's great. I'd always be supportive.

I also wouldn't get into a relationship with someone i wasn't accepting as they are. I repeatedly told my ex I loved him for who he was. It was never good enough. If he asked me one more time if he was getting fat, I was going to scream.

No one should need to change for me and I'm not going to mold myself into what anyone else wants me to be.

I've found those who don't feel comfortable with themselves make life hell for those that do and just want to enjoy it.

If I go to the gym, it's because I want to. Not to make anyone else happy.

Yeah, I don't have a lot of patience for people who need constant reassurance. It gets old. Certainly no one should do things that give their partners reasons to fear infidelity or to feel like they aren't good enough, but constantly feeling like you have to feed them positive feedback to keep them afloat, that's a burden.

But I think just because someone has low self esteem or areas in their life where they don't fee solid doesn't mean they always need a lot of assurance. It just means they have some vulnerabilities that may eventually resolve as they feel more comfortable in the relationship. I sometimes struggle with low self esteem, not with all aspects of myself, but some. The thing is that I internalize it, so very few people are aware that I struggle. I just white knuckle the times where I don't feel good enough until I do feel good enough. Because ultimately I know, my issues are not about about anyone else. They're about ME. So I try not to put it on the people in my life. On the flip side, as you grow close to someone, you do tend to show your weak spots and vulnerabilities. So, my husband is aware of some of my issues. He doesn't constantly stroke me though. He just lets me have them and then gives me the space to work through them. He has self esteem for days and I have to say I've kind of learned a lot about my own self esteem through seeing how he feels about himself and it's helped me change how I see myself. Relationships are a mirror in a lot of ways.

Aronia
I am well a lot like him in a sense. I am a big strong and well over weight guy also, but have been told by most of my friends and even past relationships that I am a big teady bear. I was also abused by my father and my ex-wife. The mental, physical, and emotional damage I went through was uninmaginable. My father use to throw me against walls and hit me whith anything he could get his hands on. My ex-wife was more mentally and emotionally abusive with a daily barrage of insults and name calling and screaming. I was a fat worthless POS most days that did nothing. This went on for 18 years and you cant even imagine the damage that was done to my self worth and self esteem. It has taken medication for depression and lots of therapy for me to even get to where I am today.

In my honest opinion he dose need two things. Therapy would help him deal with the past issues. He also needs you to be supportive and build him back up. I am not saying you have to change his diaper supportive either. I am a very firm believer in leaving the past where it is and not letting effect the present especially in relationships, but the support of a good caring woman goes a very long way! If you think this has potential to be a healthy long lasting relationship with lots of love then I say you give everything you have to it. He needs to step up and get help for himself, but there is absolutely no reason you should not be there with him if you feel its all worth it.

Best of luck to you!

Thank you all so much for the comments and ideas !!
So far, it is not irritating me that he needs reassurance.
I also voluntarily shared my location with him on my IPhone a while back so he can have a piece of mind. I don't know if he uses that feature or not, but I thought just the offer alone would help . He can see where I am if he wants to.

I think we all carry an inner child and if he grew up in an abusive home and has never dealt with it, it will often continue into other relationships ... I agree that some therapy can really help this a great deal... ...xo

Aronia
I see lots of people go through life and complain that they want this or that in a relationship. Im sorry to say that a very large portion of women that I know want a great guy that will treat them with respect. Some of them keep chasing the assholes in the world and wonder why they get burnt. Others look past guys that would give them everything they wanted, because of physical features, or they smoke, or they deal with depression, or what ever thing it is to make them sound high maintenance. See its not his fault that he went through what he did and for people to be judgment for things like depression or anything else isn't right. Don't get me wrong I am not chastising all women here, but the point I am trying to make is you could be looking a nightmare in the face, or you could be looking the Night on a white horse in the face. The test of time will tell and I hope you have found everything you want. Only you can decide how much work to put into it. Once again Best of luck!

You are right...
Actually, it's funny that you mention the Knight on a white horse, because I call him The Knight sometimes

My wife has similar self-esteem issues. I love and regularly express my feelings for her, but I realized a long time ago I can't make her feel loved. When we experience something together, she will see the bad in it and I will look for the good. She was very shy as a child and the kids in school made fun of her. I think in some ways she is still that lonely girl who couldn't make any friends. I am here for her and supportive and encouraging of any effort she wants to make that will help her change and be happier (exercise, therapy, etc.) I think it's important for your boyfriend to realize that his perceptions are shaping his reality. He thinks about his flaws and becomes more flawed as a result. He is afraid of you cheating and feels betrayed as a result. But that's his choice to feel that way and focus on those thoughts. It's about him, not you. He is creating his own misery when he could choose happiness instead.