Healthy Relationships Support Group
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We were joking around, playing, flirting. I hit him in the ear and it hurt him so he wanted to lash out. He even raised his hand as if to hit me. The look on his face seriously freaked me out and I don't know what to do. I trust him, and the only reason I didn't leave him then and there was because he didn't hit me. Now, he's been in the military and trained to kill and act on instincts and all, so I understand that. But I'm afraid of the next time.. What if the next time he does hit me? What do I do?
I do KIND OF understand that, yes they are trained to attack but you need to talk to him.
Tell him you didn't mean to hurt him, but he scared you when he raised his hand. Tell him that you don't like to feel threatened, and you won't hit to hard next time if he doesn't do that again.
BUT listen closely, IF he does hit you LEAVE. Once they hit they can't help but keep doing it.
IF he does hit you, then leave. Be strong. Stand up for your feelings and talk to him.
How long have you been with him?
I'm not a big fan of the wait until he hits you and then leave advice. I'm not saying he will hit you, and I'm not saying he won't. Only you know how well you really know this man. If you have known him for 2 weeks and just got your first peek into his ugliness, well, thats a giant red flag... but if its been 2 years and you have seen him angered before, then it might still be safe to take this instinctual hand raising as just that. A reflex after having been hit himself. Obviously he showed the restraint to recognize and interpret the situation for what it really was... and made a choice to get a grip on his physical reaction to a physical situation.
Its not necessarily indicative that he will become violent if you have enough history to know his character. But like I said, your fearing him will change your dynamic even if he doesn't ever hit you or raise his hand again.
Talk to him. If you can't talk to him openly and feel you are being received and respected... well... THAT is a reason to leave. There is no relationship without communication.
Marine?
I married a devil dog.
Could have just been a reaction without thinking. If you have a good relationship you should be able to talk it out with him and let him know how it made you feel.
Communication is the key to any relationship.