Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
A while back (about 3 months ago) I started a relationship with a woman i met online who i played games with. The issue is that shes always been polyamorous. This is something thats repeatedly been very hard for me to deal with. I try my hardest to deal with it, but I have alot of problems with feeling like not getting time with her expecially considering that i am long distance where her other relationship isnt. I also tend to feel bad due to the fact that i try very hard to be good to her and treat her right, unlike her other relationship has been in the past, yet i am treated equal to them. I love her very much but this has been causing alot of problems to me. Last night she brought up the idea of making a schedule so that she can give both of us enougth time. It really scared me because regardless of how much i try to make her happy, i feel like I will contrinue to be treated the same as this person who causes her alot of pain and that really hurts me. I kinda just dont know how to handle it. She also often talks about her ex that caused her alot of emotional problems and raped her, and it hurts to know that she thinks about them about as much as me.
I got a new job a month ago that means i not work 6-2 during the day so i get less time with her than i used to, but when i try to make time with her i fell like she always brings up that i am a reason she spends less time with her kids and her partner. Its rare nowadays for me to be so depressed through my meds, but its happened very often recently. I love her very much, but it hurts so much. I dont know what to do.
-
Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
-
Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
Have you considered that a polyamorous relationship may not be what YOU want?
If she wants to be treated like shit by her other partners that’s kind of her business. It really has nothing to do with you. What you might want to ask yourself is why you are settling for someone who doesn’t treat you like you want to be treated?
Until you have spent a lot of time in person with someone (about a year of consistent time together), you won't really know her at all. And, if she is already seeing someone else... I'm sorry to say it like this, but you don't have a relationship with her. She is making her choice in life to date numerous people, and you don't have to "go along" with what she wants to do. You are your own person, you don't have to be in this type of situation. You have choices. You have control.
I wouldn't even call it polyamorous. She is just dating lots of different people.
And, please don't send her money, gifts, etc.... she could be an online scammer.
Best thing for you is to block her number, block her online, and move on. Cut all contact. It will hurt a lot at first, but you will get over it sooner than you think. You don't sound happy, and the beginning of seeing someone is the happiest part. You deserve better!! Spend time with your real life friends, your family, your job.... you are young and you should be out having fun with your life!
Girl and the other posts hit it dead on. You have expectations of her that are driving you into distress, maybe blaming yourself or giving way to despair? If you drop those expectations, maybe you’d understand she is using you and maybe manipulates you.
Your whole life is trying to please a woman who you can not please and who doesn’t care about you like you care about her. I wish you would take this time and energy and find a healthy outlet and a human that is capable of returning your affection and sees you as worthy. As long as you are stuck chasing her, you can’t focus on finding better or a person of high character who wants real with you. You will never be more than her toy or play thing because she doesn’t want a real relationship with you. Yes she is honest with you about the others, I guess. But it is also hurtful to you and she doesn’t care. Learn to love yourself enough that you see you deserve better.
I doubt this person will ever be what you want.... and they're being very forthcoming about who they are and intend to be
If I were you I would do what GirlinCaliforn wrote.... Leave it and block her.... Move on to meet someone who puts you first and doesn't want other people in your relationship.... The things she does are hurtful and it seems to me intentionally so..... Big hug.... xo