This is a sensitive topic for me, and something I've talked to my counsellor about recently, and he feels the same way about the situation I'm about to confide about. However, I guess I still feel somewhat unsettled, and figure it might help to talk to others about it too, so I can move forward the way I want to.

It's amazing how something someone else does can make you feel so vulnerable in trying to talk to others about it. Anyways here it goes...

One of my big issues lately with my ex (of a few weeks) is that a few months ago, while we weren't quite back together, but really seemingly on the mend, we were really bonding and both of us were noticing this - we were getting close again, like never before, and going on family outings together with our daughter, talking every day, and were physically (sexually) intimate too - we were everything but 'officially' back together.

What I learned afterward was that he was confiding in some other young woman about us and our business, and he was creating a picture of how things were that wasn't even the way it was between us. He gave her the impression we were going through a custody battle regarding our daughter etc., as if things were bad between us, meanwhile, like I said above, the real picture between him and I was completely different - as I said we were bonding, intimate, going on outings etc.

What was also hard for me about this was how I found out. I went to this resort to renew his membership where he likes to take saunas (a favorite thing of his to do). And imagine the shock when the young front desk clerk started telling me, out of the blue, that she knows all about my situation, and was telling me that he confides to her all the time. I was shocked!

All I went there for was to renew his membership as a birthday gift, and this girl starts asking me who I am, and if I was his sister (she was fishing). I told her I was his partner (I lied just to test her and see why she was so interested in who I was), and then she started her speal about how he confides in HER all the time. I couldn't believe this was happening - first that she was doing this, and second to imagine that he would confide to her about our business, and third that the picture that he painted her was completely opposite to what was happening between him and I.

I approached him about this in a way that showed I was upset (not angry but just taken a back) and uncertain. Instead of reassuring me, he told me it was in my head - what the scenario looked like to me. However, over time, he did admit that what he did, confiding in her about me and our business was wrong and that he was angry at the time about things. Needless to say, I was very hurt and betrayed by that whole incident - with her throwing in my face that my partner (as she understood him to be when she told me this stuff) was confiding in her, and that he actually was, yet giving me different messages while with me.

Anyhow, I've been trying to resolve this. However, a glitch in this mess is that she goes to a playgroup with her boy, and I went to that playgroup with my daughter and saw her there. So, I told him about it and that this ruins my opportunity to bring my daughter to this playgroup (there's only 2 in town that I can bring her to - that being one of them). So, his actions affected this now too.

If that wasn't enough, when he returned recently from being away, even though we're not together anymore, I was anxious about whether he'd renew a membership there again, given the pain and chaos this situation has caused, including not being able to bring our daughter to this other playgroup that she attends. To me this (whether he went back there) was going to determine whether I still wanted to give things another chance with him at some point or whether I could even stay friends with him even if we didn't reconcile.

I talked to my counsellor about my anxiety about whether he'd renew his membership, and what that would mean to me (a big indicator about how much he regarded my feelings), and he agreed that it would be a big indicator regarding how much he considers my feelings (and me). If he cared he would stay as far away from that place as possible.

Anyhow, I asked him a couple of days ago if he renewed it and he said yes. He told me he only saw that girl there once since he renewed it and only said hi (vs and conversation), and that taking saunas was something he enjoyed doing, and it was the only place in town that he could. He showed no empathy or regard to the pain that this has created.

This blows my mind that he could renew his membership given the pain it's caused me and inconvenience it's caused for our daughter (re playgroups). To me the fact that he returned there not only condones his past behavior with her, but also condones this womans behavior toward me (telling me my man was confiding to her), and gives her the message that what she did and what transpired between them was OK. She's single and I think she likes him, but he says he has no interest in her. However, the issue for me here is one of trust, and a lack of consideration and loyalty toward me and my feelings. Sharing personal details about your relationship (and he knows her age too) to someone else one-on-one is intimate.

I'm flabbergasted that he went back and actually thinks its ok to do so because "it's (saunas) is something he enjoys." His wants just seem to supercede everything, regardless of how it affects me or his daughter. And his only response when I approached him about it (letting him know how it affected me) was to be defensive and show no compassion or empathy, even though it involves his daughters outings too. I can't believe taking a sauna can supercede all of the pain it's caused. It's a small area and the only place he can go, but still... This woman also knows some of my personal business regarding him (including financial), which doesn't make me feel comfortable being around her, not to mention the satisfaction she seems to derive from this.

I have a doctor's appt next tues and this playgroup this woman goes to is the only one available to take my daughter to (we go once a week). I only go into that town usually once (usually Wed's) during the weekdays because it's a 1/2 hr drive, and I won't be able to take her next week because of this.

I had to see this other woman this week because I had to return a book back to this other playgroup, and she seemed to just be in my face the whole time - everywhere I went in the large space where kids play, there she was, even sitting right behind me once on the gym floor when I was talking to someone. That's when I sensed he renewed his membership because it would explain her cockiness in being right near me or in my face all the time.

Anyways, I have to see him tomorrow, and I want to tell him in person (vs emails - the way we've mostly been communicating our concerns lately) how much this incident is affecting things (i.e. his daughters outings too now), even though I already have. I'm sure it won't matter. This situation has caused me a lot of distress since it happened but it doesn't seem to matter to him.

I know I'm not in this relationship anymore, however, it still impacts things. Previously I wanted to at least maintain a friendship with him (for the sake of our daughter), but I can't really now because you can't be friends with someone you can't trust and who doesn't regard your feelings in this way. His renewing his membership at this place was a defining moment for me - the indicator that would tell me that I have to move on. And I will. However, it's not easy when you share a daughter together and see each other all the time. He will be visiting tomorrow.

Anyhow, sorry this wasn't as short as I hoped. And thanks for listening. Any feedback is needed and welcomed.