The good news is that your husband is honest with you..
It takes a lot to say this to your wife. The question I have is : does your husband truly love you or is a form
Of some kind of twisted crap?
I have a friend who's wife is sick and unable to have sex. He ended up having an affair for 3 years, but on the end he chose his wife.
This is such a tough situation. I wouldn't be able to share.
I d rather live alone in the ghetto again than tolerate that kind of thing., but I certainly wouldn't disapprove of you if you agreed to do it - being sick sucks!!!

If it were me, I wouldn't buy what they are selling. Three is a crowd. Good luck with your decision what ever it may be.

What? You are seriously considering giving that a try? I am sorry you are ill and going through this, but a man that truely loves his wife wouldn't do that. He is twisiting it around to make it sound better so he can have an affair. And probably already has. This woman that he "befriended" is not a friend and wouldn't be a good friend for you. I would confront him on this and say something like "If she is the one you want, then there is the door and divorce papers will come soon." I would not want to live like that.

The woman at work is not a nice person because she's inserting herself in your relationship.

I have a chronic disease. It's not easy for me or my husband when I'm sick. But being sick affects your thinking and self esteem. Don't let it cloud your judgement. This type of relationship only "works" when everyone involved negotiates the terms so there is parity for all and everyone is 100% in agreement and can maintain the for the duration of the relationship. That is a tall order.

Remove this woman from both your lives, get some couples counseling to help you both navigate your relationship and make it stronger. Adding an opportunistic woman is not the answer.

And yeah, being sick sucks. Take care of yourself.

I wouldn't go for it either...... There is a lot more to Polygamy than what your husband is suggesting ... it's a belief system for some
I agree that she's an interloper in your marriage and he's cheating up front.... It's not nice.....I'm really sorry that you're ill and that you're also being betrayed....... Gentle hug......xo

Your husband is basically saying "hey, I'm sorry you are sick, but the only way I can deal with this is to have sex with another woman". How generous of him!

for better or worse, in good times and in bad,
life is very unfair, it throw really bad times some peoples way for no reason at

your husband has reached the "i didn't sign up for that" point, not truly a husband nor man
part of you is truly considering it because you love him and think that he "deserves it"
he does not deserve you
sick as you are, flat on your back, you are concerned for his comfort
pretty good woman that shows you to be

Thank you all for your care and support. At the time I posted this, I did not know that there is an actual polyamory support group on DS, and there's a reason I was looking for the polyamorous perspective. (I have moved my post to there.) Yes, from a monogamous perspective there is not much good here, other than, as Aronia said, my husband's honesty. (Which is worth something, indeed.) What I'm trying to find out is if there is any potential in me changing my perspective.
Just some details, evidently more important that i'd thought, that I had glossed over in the interests of brevity:
1) Despite my illness, I am not disabled yet. In fact, as luck would have it, I am the primary breadwinner (though we need 2 incomes) which, combined with my limitations has made our home relatively untended and uncomfortable. We are worried about my prognosis -- it's not clear. We did try counseling, and learned some good skill in the few sessions we had before our counselor took another job. We live in a rural area, so counselors are hard to find. Everyone's full.
2) Yes, they've already had sex. They are already lovers. It hurt a lot. Sometimes still does. But seeing my husband's unhappiness hurt too, and he is often more relaxed and more open now. Not ideal? FOR SURE. Beyond all potential? i don't know yet.
3) I'm still getting to know our new person. My trust for her is not now absolute; she will either earn it over time or not. They are trying to make amends, or so it appears. Again time will tell. It mostly hurts either when I'm alone or when I have to remind them that I'm the one making the biggest adjustment here. On the plus side, she's even helped me find an exercise routine that I can do by myself which seems to be helping. I am uncertain, and I appreciate your reminding me that it's okay to be uncertain in this situation.
Rmb is right: "this type of relationship only "works" when everyone involved negotiates the terms so there is parity for all and everyone is 100% in agreement and can maintain the for the duration of the relationship. " It is right for me to insist on that, and so far everyone agrees with that, in principal.
Thanks for the compliment, refurb; I'll remember it when self-doubt sets in again.

i really wish tow things
1) that the best thing works out for you
2) that didn't read items 2) & 3) in your reply

I still don't like it and would never agree. Your husband has brought his mistress into your marriage home. This seems to be a finely crafted plan to push you out of your home. I'm sure your husband isn't "happy" with your health issues, but then again, are you? I don't see you taking a lover to assuage your discomfort and frustration over your health. Maybe you should suggest you find a hunky young stud to help you with your home responsibilities. Then there would be no need for this well-intentioned other woman.

If I were in your situation and the primary breadwinner, I would consider a legal separation or divorce (sound like you are able to support yourself) and leave the two little lovebirds to make the home tended and comfortable for themselves. This just sounds terribly selfish of your husband.

As mentioned, an arrangement like this is successful when all parties voluntarily enter into the relationship and are in full agreement. It doesn't appear that you are a voluntary participant and rather this was forced upon you and your husband and his mistress are subjecting you will all sorts of rationalization and justifications to persuade you against your better judgement. I feel that you are being bullied into this.

The fact that you are questioning this and having difficulty adapting is proof that you know something is wrong here. It is true that even if you were in 100% agreement with the arrangement, there might be some "growing pains" regarding the logistics, etc. but gaining and building trust between parties should not be one of them. The trust should already be there between ALL participants before such an arrangement is even suggested. Again, I feel this is being forced upon you and you are bravely attempting the make the best of a bad situation.

Kirnabi, you are a very good person if you already think of the option that your husband gives you. By having a chronic illness is not a good reason to be "punished" like this:( If your husband was a real man he would come with different options to make you happy, not himself, you are the one suffering the most. This is just an option for him not to feel guilty that he is actually cheating you with another woman and he is trying to feel less guilty by showing you a fake understanding situation, It's like saying:"You are dying anyway, why I can't be happy starting from now"? so it will be easier for him when you are not there anymore? It's so sad:( I hope you will do the best choice and my opinion is to suffer alone in your own tears than to be humiliated like this, just because you are ill, you didn't choose the sickness. All the love.

I would have commented differently if this was something that you had wanted ... or that both of you had wanted.... But it isn't ..... I wish you well on your decision and I'm sorry that you feel that this is something that you need to do ..... It sux and I feel for you..... Big hug and a blessing.......xo

Can you learn to accept and be okay with it? Did I understand your question correctly ?
I believe you can. I m able to force myself to tolerate and even enjoy things I hate when there is no other choice. My question would be - is this the best you can do for yourself? Is this situation so bad that there is no other option for you ?
There were 2 times in my life where I had to face my medical issues while my relationships were failing . I chose to end them both.
It all worked out. Don't be afraid.
Put your medical problems aside and see if this is something you really want - to be with them. You can still be friends with them, but have your own life. You don't HAVE to do this.
Whatever you choose, I hope you will be happy

Again, thank you all. Mary638, perhaps I'm misunderstanding, but you seemed to have gotten the impression that i'm dying. If that's the case, please, relax, don't worry. I have a chronic illness, not a terminal one. I'm as likely to live as long as anybody else.
I'm not confident of my ability to live alone. I'm afraid that I'll not cook or eat or remember to take care of myself. If i don't take care of myself, I could enter a downward health spiral. I could lose everything. I'd love to put my medical problems aside, but they affect my ability to move and think, EVERY DAY. And, yes, that affects my reactions to this situation. But i also just love my husband very much.
Cora_Belle, I seem to have given you the misconception that she lives with us. She does not. She lives in her apartment 20 miles away. She's only been to our house once. She's currently studying for a class, which ends next month. After that, we'll see if she comes over to help clean up the mess here.

It's just very sad to hear in your post your resignation to this. That's I think what everyone may be sensing, that this is not something you really want for yourself or your relationship, but because this woman was forced upon you through your husband's affair, and that's what it is, you are looking for a way to just suck it up and make it work.

Most people when unsatisfied in their relationship, for whatever reason, leave. That actually would be far more honest and honorable.

If anyone with a chronic illness doesn't take care of themselves, it affects their health. I'm sure him having an affair, and lets just call it that because this is what it is, can't be good for your health. I hope you can find the resolve to reclaim your life, whether he's in it or not, and are able to get better support for yourself.