Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
So here we go. Nothing has really gotten better or worse with my relationship recently outside of my own thoughts. I've been throwing things right on the table and took the advice to stop walking on egg shells. That seems to have some effect in the fact that when she tries to fight with me on it, I call her on it and tell her I won't fight with her but I'm willing to discuss it.
No arguments or real harsh discussions as of late, but also nothing that's really putting anything back into perspective or into a hopeful future. A friend of mine sat down with me today and we were discussing it and she asked me "Why don't you just move on with your life?" and I couldn't answer her. It really opened my eyes in a way that i couldn't give the reason for why I shouldn't end it, the only thought in my head is that I am in love with her...but not really the person she is now. Changes happen, but something that everyone has noticed with her is that she significantly changed into a different person without any real event to cause it. Alot of her closer friends don't want to talk to her anymore because they could only put up with so much after this change, her newer friends are real jerks and like to beat on each other.
With her claiming there's a distance between us, I'm really feeling it and as much as I've tried to repair it, seems the more i push forward like she asked me to, the more she pushes back. So many people have told me this is simply a head game, but I'm at my wits end.
I told this friend that I'm about ready to leave this and go find what I truly want. Someone who wants to be with me, someone who wants to respect me, someone who is willing to discuss something rather then just yell and scream. She hasn't really touched me for quite awhile and it makes me feel like I'm diseased or something. These are all things I've brought to her and the other day I asked "When is the last time you did something for me?" and she couldn't name a single time. She then admitted that she is slacking on her side, but doesn't know why. I'm so sick of this indecision and such.
I have no idea how much more I can take or what I'm going to do. Feels like I'm fighting an uphill battle.
No arguments or real harsh discussions as of late, but also nothing that's really putting anything back into perspective or into a hopeful future. A friend of mine sat down with me today and we were discussing it and she asked me "Why don't you just move on with your life?" and I couldn't answer her. It really opened my eyes in a way that i couldn't give the reason for why I shouldn't end it, the only thought in my head is that I am in love with her...but not really the person she is now. Changes happen, but something that everyone has noticed with her is that she significantly changed into a different person without any real event to cause it. Alot of her closer friends don't want to talk to her anymore because they could only put up with so much after this change, her newer friends are real jerks and like to beat on each other.
With her claiming there's a distance between us, I'm really feeling it and as much as I've tried to repair it, seems the more i push forward like she asked me to, the more she pushes back. So many people have told me this is simply a head game, but I'm at my wits end.
I told this friend that I'm about ready to leave this and go find what I truly want. Someone who wants to be with me, someone who wants to respect me, someone who is willing to discuss something rather then just yell and scream. She hasn't really touched me for quite awhile and it makes me feel like I'm diseased or something. These are all things I've brought to her and the other day I asked "When is the last time you did something for me?" and she couldn't name a single time. She then admitted that she is slacking on her side, but doesn't know why. I'm so sick of this indecision and such.
I have no idea how much more I can take or what I'm going to do. Feels like I'm fighting an uphill battle.
My point is that you almost seem to want to be needed by her so badly that you usually are glutton for punishment so to speak. I am not saying that is what you want but your actions so far indicated from all your posts so far that part of the problem here is you are just like her as in refusing to make any changes that might end the relationship for good. Maybe rather then hoping she will change you might find it helpful to figure out why you remain stuck in this rut.
It isn't easy to end a relationship and I can certainly understand the fear, sadness and grief that comes along with it however maybe it is time for you to sort out and deal with your feelings and truly understand why you feel it is ok to stay in a relationship where you don't feel complete. You can continue to stay right where you are and hope things get better or you can really start to take some action and see where the road takes you.
At the end of the day it will up to you on if you stay or leave as you are the one who has to live this life not anyone else. I am just saying perhaps you might want to experience more in life before you settle down with this girl. Give yourself that much of a chance at least. Good Luck and I hope you can move forward to a better future.
You sound like you are thinking rationally and have an open mind. My only suggestion would be to set a cut off date (for yourself) for when you expect to see progress. That will help you move on if things are stagnating (or worse).