Healthy Relationships Support Group
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My fiancee and I have been together for almost four years. When we met I was a size 3, 115lbs and im 5'7".
During our relationship my sister became a crack addict, my mother met a man who treated her like property and she wouldn't leave, my little sister got beat up repeatedly by her boyfriend and I felt stressed to the nines.
I ate to fix my upsets. I put on 80lbs in a year...alot, I know.
Then I got pregnant and almost 2 months ago I had our daughter. I am down to 175lbs right now, 20lbs lighter then when I got pregnant.
My issue is, before I got pregnant he would occasionally make remarks about how I was the perfect size when he met me, and now I'm just a little too big. Did it bother me? Hell yes! But I brushed it off.
Now that I'm losing weight he is constantly riding me about my size. He asks me why I can't do more exercizes during the day when I'm home with Marlow(who, by the way, is not a happy baby and takes all my time to soothe her). And he makes comments about what I eat. Often when we go out he will look at a shirt and say things like 'that might look good if you were skinnier' or 'this will hide your fat'. It hurts..and when I tell him so he laughs and tells me I'm too touchy.
He isn't a small guy really either, he is an inch shorter than me and ten pounds heavier.
I'm just really miffed and I needed to vent a little...thanks for reading to the end!
During our relationship my sister became a crack addict, my mother met a man who treated her like property and she wouldn't leave, my little sister got beat up repeatedly by her boyfriend and I felt stressed to the nines.
I ate to fix my upsets. I put on 80lbs in a year...alot, I know.
Then I got pregnant and almost 2 months ago I had our daughter. I am down to 175lbs right now, 20lbs lighter then when I got pregnant.
My issue is, before I got pregnant he would occasionally make remarks about how I was the perfect size when he met me, and now I'm just a little too big. Did it bother me? Hell yes! But I brushed it off.
Now that I'm losing weight he is constantly riding me about my size. He asks me why I can't do more exercizes during the day when I'm home with Marlow(who, by the way, is not a happy baby and takes all my time to soothe her). And he makes comments about what I eat. Often when we go out he will look at a shirt and say things like 'that might look good if you were skinnier' or 'this will hide your fat'. It hurts..and when I tell him so he laughs and tells me I'm too touchy.
He isn't a small guy really either, he is an inch shorter than me and ten pounds heavier.
I'm just really miffed and I needed to vent a little...thanks for reading to the end!
In general I feel health and weight in particular have become taboo topics between men and women, particularly when it is the man bringing it up. I see posts like this here on DS and it always boils down to a bashing session on the guy who's the villain, calling his wife/girlfriend fat.
Your guy may have been inconsiderate but there is almost no good way for a partner of either sex to bring up concerns about a partners weight. Why can't there be an honest conversation about it? Nobody is going to love hearing it but when do we ever enjoy hearing about our faults?
For example, you tie all these negative incidents to your weight gain. If I were your partner I may be concerned you are depressed. I would want to talk about it and support you.
Your partner is going about it all wrong and is being insensitive, but it's obviously an issue that concerns him.
Can you two have an honest conversation about your weight (his too) and make a plan to support each other? Tell him what you do and do not want to hear. If you want encouragement and/or compliments--tell him. If you want help with food choices--tell him. If you want time to exercise--tell him. Open the lines of communication.
and i have sat him down and told him outright how it makes me feel. he either turns me off, or says hes sorry and he will try not to but fifteen minutes later hes at it again!
I feel that everyone needs a kick in the butt once in awhile to help keep them get motivated to achieve their goals however I do not tolerate someone making me as individual feel less worthy or disrespecting me in any way what so ever. Remember you are the one who is trying to lose weight here and I hope you are doing it for the right reasons and not doing it to impress him as that will get you no where fast.
I also question your mates personality and attitude. If you were to become ill or injured or maybe even went through an ordeal where you are disfigured permanently or maybe you simply will just never be a size 3 again is this man going to be around for you then? Will he be your rock when things go bad? So far he is proving he will not be by his action. Therefore you may want to reconsider having a relationship with him as husband and wife.
Life is pretty short and I think it is an absolute waste of time to spend my personal time walking on eggshells, feeling bad about myself because of the person I am involved with. Since he doesn't seem to want to listen and respect your feelings it might be a good time to start hanging out with people who can bring out the best in you and leave the rest behind.
For starters he certainly hasn't helped you in achieving your goals he only seems to be more of an obstacle and I think if it were me I would let him know that. I would also make it quite clear that if he complains or compares you to the past you will not listen and he should probably work on his attitude by getting some therapy. Until he does there will be no discussions between him and you regarding the weight issue or any other other topic he can't discuss like an intelligent adult.
Remember you can change you that includes mentally, physically and emotionally but you cannot change him. In all aspects I think you should work on yourself and what you feel can make you feel good and want to stay motivated in achieving your goals. I think if you do that you will see wonderful results. If this fella wants to be part of your life and be your rock he will have to prove it by doing a 180 degree turn and showing the support that actually means something. I think a partner should bring out the very best in you not the worst in you.
Anyway I hope you can find the courage to put an end to his irresponsible and hurtful behavior towards you by either telling him to get some help and sort out his issues or leave him and find someone who can love you unconditionally and most importantly love you exactly as you are. Wishing the very best for you:)