Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I have been best friends with Dee since we were 7. It's been 20 years. We are 10 days apart in age, and have been close since we first lay eyes on each other.
Within the last year shes went through some really big life changes. She quit her job, found out the depression she had been battling with for ten years is really bipolar, found out her son has some behavioural issues, had an affair, almost got a divorce, and opened her own day home. I get the fact that all these changes mean she has a lot to talk about. But lately that's ALL she wants to talk about. Her her her.
As petty as it feels I feel neglected. I start talking and she flips it around to be all about her. No matter what it's about!
And, to boot, I have been running my own day home for three years. A little over. She has been operating for nine months. She chose to do what she does because of what I do. She saw how I worked, my hours, my income, my turn over rate. In her year operating she has had a HUGE turn over rate. She takes on more kids then can possibly be handled, she had children services called on her (not a legitimate claim but she doesn't screen her parents), she has no training, her home is a disaster (since she started meds she has been sporatic at house cleaning), she lets the kids run wild. But she is constantly asking for my opinion, then turning around and telling me how I'm not doing it right. How I should do things like she does. If I'm doing things so wrong then why am I so much more successful? It's driving me nuts. And when I point out that I think something she does won't work for me or it's flaws, she says that I'm just not thinking of it as a business enough. Sure I am, but we are PRIVATE day homes. We can make a lot of our own rules and regulations, and I choose to put more effort into the kids then a seventeen page contract that won't hold up in court for my parents to sign.
I need to find a way to gently tell her that she's driving me nuts. That it's not all about her, and I know she has had a rough year, but friendship is two ways. And thirteen months of a one way street is tiring me out. I had a miscarriage and she doesn't even know because when I started telling her she cut me off and started talking about her out of control son.
And I am NOT cutting her out of my life. That's not an option. She's like family to me and I will continue to be her friend. The only options I have are to ride it out or tell her. I just need to figure out how.
Within the last year shes went through some really big life changes. She quit her job, found out the depression she had been battling with for ten years is really bipolar, found out her son has some behavioural issues, had an affair, almost got a divorce, and opened her own day home. I get the fact that all these changes mean she has a lot to talk about. But lately that's ALL she wants to talk about. Her her her.
As petty as it feels I feel neglected. I start talking and she flips it around to be all about her. No matter what it's about!
And, to boot, I have been running my own day home for three years. A little over. She has been operating for nine months. She chose to do what she does because of what I do. She saw how I worked, my hours, my income, my turn over rate. In her year operating she has had a HUGE turn over rate. She takes on more kids then can possibly be handled, she had children services called on her (not a legitimate claim but she doesn't screen her parents), she has no training, her home is a disaster (since she started meds she has been sporatic at house cleaning), she lets the kids run wild. But she is constantly asking for my opinion, then turning around and telling me how I'm not doing it right. How I should do things like she does. If I'm doing things so wrong then why am I so much more successful? It's driving me nuts. And when I point out that I think something she does won't work for me or it's flaws, she says that I'm just not thinking of it as a business enough. Sure I am, but we are PRIVATE day homes. We can make a lot of our own rules and regulations, and I choose to put more effort into the kids then a seventeen page contract that won't hold up in court for my parents to sign.
I need to find a way to gently tell her that she's driving me nuts. That it's not all about her, and I know she has had a rough year, but friendship is two ways. And thirteen months of a one way street is tiring me out. I had a miscarriage and she doesn't even know because when I started telling her she cut me off and started talking about her out of control son.
And I am NOT cutting her out of my life. That's not an option. She's like family to me and I will continue to be her friend. The only options I have are to ride it out or tell her. I just need to figure out how.
Communication is key in all relationships, and NOT speaking up is a form of negative communication.
Perhaps its the only way she will stay tuned in to listen, if there is no way to cut you off.
If you are worried about her being offended or taking it harshly when that is not at all how you intend it then perhaps present it with a gift or put in a picture of the two of you from when you were younger and happier.
For your own health and well being I urge you to tell her how you feel and not ride it out. The riding out bit won't happen, it will continue to stress you out and make you resentful and possibly affect other relationships in your life due to unhappiness.
Hope it goes well. I wish I had a friend like that