Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
Last night my BF and I got into an arguement. It was late and past my bedtime but I knew we both were looking for some intimacy, he asked if I was up for a quickie. I said yes and I got on top of him and told him I want to ride him. He said we don't have time for a 45 min session, and then something along the lines of this is not a negotiation came out of it. At that point he was done he didn't want to have sex anymore. Then we got into an argument about it because I told him I was disappointed and he said he was too? But I was ready and willing and he was the done. Because he said he was being considerate of the time and the fact that I had to get into bed.
I should have just gotten into bed because at that point things got ugly. I said to myself "what just happend here"? I wanted it to be outlined in my mind so I could understand what just went wrong, how we could go from HOT to COLD in one minute. I was so upset and disappointed, was it really because I said I wanted to ride him and he didn't want to get into sex like that because it was so late. I didn't care either way what we did, I just thought it was sexy to tell him I wanted to ride him because that is what was on my mind.
So then the arguement got worse when we proceeded to dig into what happened. It was classic he said she said and somehow I was left trying to explain outloud what happended.
I repeated that he said do you want to have a quickie I said yes and I must have paused because he said and that was it? I said yes that was it, but I knew that really wasn't it because after that it was I want to ride you and he said we don't have time for a 45min session. Then he got up and walked out and said he was done because I lied....(which is something I have been trying so hard to work on) I will say these little lies when I backed into a corner.
Then I said you didn't let me finish....and I don't know why I said that because I can't remember if I paused or if I really was finished. But then he said there was another lie to cover up the first lie.
Is sex suppose to be this complicated? I mean that is all I kept thinking. But when I asked him about that, he only recalled the fact that I lied to him, twice!
I am hurt, disappointed, sick to my stomach, that I lied to him again and I can't explain to him that I felt pressured and put on the spot.
How disgusted I feel and how he must be feeling right now. We am left in this web of lies that I have created and now after rebuilding trust with him over these past few months it has all be flushed down the drain.
Any advice how to handle this?
I should have just gotten into bed because at that point things got ugly. I said to myself "what just happend here"? I wanted it to be outlined in my mind so I could understand what just went wrong, how we could go from HOT to COLD in one minute. I was so upset and disappointed, was it really because I said I wanted to ride him and he didn't want to get into sex like that because it was so late. I didn't care either way what we did, I just thought it was sexy to tell him I wanted to ride him because that is what was on my mind.
So then the arguement got worse when we proceeded to dig into what happened. It was classic he said she said and somehow I was left trying to explain outloud what happended.
I repeated that he said do you want to have a quickie I said yes and I must have paused because he said and that was it? I said yes that was it, but I knew that really wasn't it because after that it was I want to ride you and he said we don't have time for a 45min session. Then he got up and walked out and said he was done because I lied....(which is something I have been trying so hard to work on) I will say these little lies when I backed into a corner.
Then I said you didn't let me finish....and I don't know why I said that because I can't remember if I paused or if I really was finished. But then he said there was another lie to cover up the first lie.
Is sex suppose to be this complicated? I mean that is all I kept thinking. But when I asked him about that, he only recalled the fact that I lied to him, twice!
I am hurt, disappointed, sick to my stomach, that I lied to him again and I can't explain to him that I felt pressured and put on the spot.
How disgusted I feel and how he must be feeling right now. We am left in this web of lies that I have created and now after rebuilding trust with him over these past few months it has all be flushed down the drain.
Any advice how to handle this?
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If this is not a pattern with you two, I'd recommend not worrying too much about it. The comments that were made early on, about not having 45 minutes and not negotiating were a little bit insensitive which suggests that perhaps you were both a bit overtired.
Try to organize a little unruffled time to soothe one another, such as a candle-lit dinner, a massage, or a romantic walk together. Listen carefully in order to learn whether there is something bothering him, either about the event or some other part of his life.
Good luck.
1) You both agreed to a quickie, yet you didn't get off.
2) You were (rightfully) upset your BF didn't finish you off.
3) Your BF was an ass and deflected by saying you're lying -- which is a crock of sh*t. He knew you were unsatisfied. If he were a man he'd figure out a way to get you off in less time than 45 minutes.
Sound right? My advice is to call him out on his BS. He cheated you out of sex last night and then was an ass.