Gosh, seems you could get at least an inkling that you may/may not have something in common with someone in the first conversation. I usually KNOW when someone is an infatuation and when they will be a genuine friend. Notice I said USUALLY.

Technically you can't control when you feel lust but I get what you mean.

I think it's a good idea to get to know someone before having sex if you're serious about finding a relationship. Having sex too soon can stunt the growth of a new relationship.

I hear people say that this is what they want all the time... but hardly anyone ever handles it that way. If you're attracted, it's hard to ignore. I think it gets in the way of true friendship.

I've experienced this in reverse though. I dated a man once for a couple of months and we both decided that we were better suited as friends. I consider him my best friend now. I love him to death.

I think friendship before lust is important and makes for a better relationship. I don't really practice what I preach though. Always making the same mistake!

You know I've actually found more success in friends with benefits situations where the guy and I aren't great friends before the sex. We get to know each other and often become friends- even if we have nothing else in common, there's always the sex. And people are less likely to develop feelings for one another besides friendship when there was no friendship there to begin with.

In response to the reply above: WOW.....a healthy, meaningful, roll in the hay!!! Pure sex without the need for intimacy or maybe even don't need to know their name!!! Why mess up a perfectly good f**k with trivial things as that?

WTF???
Tattoo Bill

Um, yea. It is perfectly possible to have sex with somebody and fulfill your needs physically without having anything more then a friendship with the person. I used to have many "friends with benefits" and there is nothing wrong with two consenting adults wanting nothing more then a basic friendship and physical lust- and not planning on going out. In those cases, I had both- people I was friends with before having sex, and people with whom I knew as more of an acquaintance before having sex. I found that friends with benefits works much better with acquaintances then with actual friends- with friendship first, it is easier for one person or the other to develop feelings and want more then just sex.

In other relationships, I generally follow the rule that you should be dating someone for a while and get to know who they are before having sex with them. However, that's a general rule. My boyfriend and I had sex before we ever went out and we have a great relationship now. Sometimes you just get lucky.

Sure sometimes sex is more emotional and intimate. That usually involves both people caring very deeply about each other. Other times, it's just two people filling nothing but carnal needs.

If I came across a compatabile man with the same interests and values and he lusted after me... I would be in heaven!

You could always take her to Church koolman.

I completely agree with you. I know we dont want to feel old fashioned but Ive learned grandparents can be right too. Going slow is the best Ive found.

Hmmm...I seem to have the opposite pattern of most women I know. When there's someone intelligent and caring, who I feel more with than just friendship, it either never or very belatedly (years) turns into lust for them. But by the time that happens, lust has faded on my end.

It seems to me most people (I see this with both men and women I know) sleep with someone based on infatuation and try to turn that into a relationship and seem confused as to why it isn't working. I've never mistaken lust for love, though.

I think, ideally, something between these two paths would make the most sense, logically, emotionally and in terms of building something deep and long term.

It all takes work.

I'll pose another question: Should friendship and lust develop simultaneously? I think both are needed to have a healthy relationship.

Real love is a conscious decision and requires thoughtful action and a lot of passion. It takes work but is definitely worth it, because it makes life warm, wonderful and worth living.

I'm hypersexual so it doesn't usually end up working out that way for me...but what's to say you can't build both at the same time? I mean have lust at the same time you are building the friendship? To me, that is HOT. It just makes the sexual tension build and build....DAMN

Should friendship and lust develop simultaneously?

Not always. It did with my narcisist who nearly destroyed me. Now I'm afraid of lust.

I like friendship first. That is what I have now with my gentleman. We are becoming great friends. The lust is there but it is more subtle than "kitchen counter sex" or something along those lines.