Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Anyone got the same problem as I do? A few weeks back I posted how my partner could be possibly cheating on me but now I'm thinking after much deliberation, its not that. I really think I got friend zoned by her or in the first place the relationship was never a romantic one on her end of the bargain. She was in a bad place, i happened to show a kind heart, she just grabbed on to it thinking desperation was love.
It's like the way she treats me is exactly how she would treat her closest friends, one with whom she is particularly close to and is also in love with her. But she maintains that they are just friends....but I digress.
Now I know its important in every relationship that you have to be best friends with your partner however it doesn't go anything beyond kissing and hugging. There is hardly any sex or even making out in our relationship.
I did try everything from being extra nice, romantic gestures but all I get is an ice popsicle for a girlfriend. On really bad days, if she's facing a problem somehow I get entangled into it and she starts yelling at me like I'm the one causing the damn problem.
When I asked her why she is doing all these things to me, her common response is because I keep trying to change her. Now I admit I did try to change her, I tried to change her from committing suicide when she was low. I tried change her heavy drinking habits (she was becoming a danger to herself when she drinks, not to mention the drunken bouts of anger). Her behavior has some what improved after much nudging on my end but at the cost of her lingering resentment towards me for changing her.
I just feel really low that despite my good efforts I'm getting punished. I know she suffers from clinical depression but she is a deeply analytical person who is very self aware of her own emotions.
I have already addressed this friend zoning problem and my gut is telling me that my suspicions are right. Perhaps she felt guilty and didn't want to admit it because it would make her feel more disgusted at herself? I don't know. I need help I feel like I just lost 2 years of my life hoping that the love of my life was real.
It's like the way she treats me is exactly how she would treat her closest friends, one with whom she is particularly close to and is also in love with her. But she maintains that they are just friends....but I digress.
Now I know its important in every relationship that you have to be best friends with your partner however it doesn't go anything beyond kissing and hugging. There is hardly any sex or even making out in our relationship.
I did try everything from being extra nice, romantic gestures but all I get is an ice popsicle for a girlfriend. On really bad days, if she's facing a problem somehow I get entangled into it and she starts yelling at me like I'm the one causing the damn problem.
When I asked her why she is doing all these things to me, her common response is because I keep trying to change her. Now I admit I did try to change her, I tried to change her from committing suicide when she was low. I tried change her heavy drinking habits (she was becoming a danger to herself when she drinks, not to mention the drunken bouts of anger). Her behavior has some what improved after much nudging on my end but at the cost of her lingering resentment towards me for changing her.
I just feel really low that despite my good efforts I'm getting punished. I know she suffers from clinical depression but she is a deeply analytical person who is very self aware of her own emotions.
I have already addressed this friend zoning problem and my gut is telling me that my suspicions are right. Perhaps she felt guilty and didn't want to admit it because it would make her feel more disgusted at herself? I don't know. I need help I feel like I just lost 2 years of my life hoping that the love of my life was real.
What did you enjoy doing before you met your now ex-girlfriend? I would suggest that you try enjoying these things you did that you really liked doing once again. Getting over your ex is going to be hard, it really is especially having to see her daily and maybe hear about her possible new lovers whenever that ends up happening, but right now, focus on yourself. How can you make you happy again?
Like everyone says, you can't change her and you can't make her love you.
If you've been "friend zoned", I don't see the point in going back.
Also, as a caution IMHO .. going back, is almost always a further waste of time. My ex and I split (at her request) after 3 years living together ... then she decided that maybe that wasn't such a good idea so wanted to get back together after moving out. Let's just say it got ridiculous. Once physically apart, it is so much easier to "break up" and we did that countless times over the next year, taking turns asking the other to come back. Tourturous. Avoid this scenario at all costs.
I don't want her back, although I still love and miss her. There comes a time when enough is enough and love isn't enough ... or rather to the point ... both have to do the loving, not just one. If it's just one, forget it.
Mark