Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I have a friend who I have known for many years. She is always asking for “small favours”...it might not seem like a big deal, but over the years it has started to grate on my nerves. It all started with her asking me to buy concert tickets for her online because she didn’t trust using her credit card online, and she would pay me back. I thought it was odd (and a little annoying that she was willing to risk MY credit card), but I obliged. Over the next few years, she would ask me for these little favours. Use my membership at stores because she didn’t want to pay for membership for example. Whenever going out I would have to pick her up and drop her off (even though she has a car and has been driving for at least 15 years). She doesn’t live next door either...she lives 20 minutes from me. Her excuse is she hates driving. Recently she asked me if I wanted to try a new restaurant in a town about 40 minutes away. I said “sure”, and she right away said “ok we will take your car”. We never went because I didn’t proceed to make the plans. I was annoyed. She never offers to pay for gas.
Also recently, she asked me if I would drive her and her mom to a city TWO HOURS away because they wanted to check out a new store. She offered to pay me HALF the gas. So I was supposed to waste an entire Saturday chauffeuring them to another city, putting more than 400km of mileage on my new car, and she would pay me HALF the gas? Needless to say, I said no. (Don’t forget...she HAS a car).
We also recently visited a friend who has been very sick. We decided to buy the friend a few groceries. So I picked her up (of course I was driving!) and drove to the grocery store. We put a bunch of stuff in the cart. I was ok with anything put in the cart because for me it was for our sick friend. So the whole bill went on my credit card and she gave me half (in cash). The problem? Some of the stuff she put in the cart was actually for her and not the sick friend. So I had the privelege of paying half of her stuff too. WTF?
So is this girl just clueless...or is she a very clever user?
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
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My day...today...misplaced my debit card...didn't realize it until I got to the register after shopping to a full cart. Used a different debit card and pulled apart everything looking for missing debit card before I left parking lot. Got home, dropped keys. So now I have a missing debit card, missing keys. A full cartload to unload and put away. I got everything put away.Dumped purse for a...
I'm no fan of the Toxic People fad but I don't like playing doormat, either. I would try drawing healthier boundaries before I shipped her off to the Toxic People Landfill. Conversations about the hard topics can go a long way in forging a more meaningful relationship.
Gentle support, whichever way you take the relationship, Gretchen.
On some of these issues, I've found that it's worth it to me, to write myself a pretend "check for happiness" ....and just write off the money.
On the other hand, if I'm left feeling used...then it's not worth it at any cost.
I would suggest a new normal for the friendship and if that isn't okay then I would consider being done
I would absolutely mention when she owes half for something and on a day such as when you drove her and her mom for her sake I would state you have to pay the gas for this
If you have a membership and would have one anyway I don't think that's such a big deal
If you value the friendship, then just set more defined boundaries and when negotiating who drives, who pays gas, etc, just be clear and if she doesn’t follow through, call her on it. Sounds like you are good at saying no when you don’t want to do something so that is good. It may be more about defining expectations with her.
You know she is a user I knew that my girlfriend was using me but rather than loos her I just took the abuse
these people just care for there selves you are there only when you are needed they will drop you once you are sick of being used.
does she really want you or what you can do for her ?
I was sick of being used losing her heart like hell still does for me losing someone who told me they loved me and wanted to live and be with me for ever once she got the hint I was not going to be her servant slave to her crazy life always blaming any one because she was broke but still would not spending money even when she took off she wanted me to give her money that is when I knew I was a sucker nothing more than a john and hookers do not love there johns she used sex to hook me and boy was I a sucker
Don't be used anymore I know it is hard but know one deserves to be treated like you have its easy to for these parasites to use good people like us they do not deserve us be strong let her use someone else,
Are you stupid I was wake up before you are taken for more I wish I never met this thing of a woman . from what you have said you already know what she is believe your self not all people are good you have seen for yourself listed to your self I wish I had .
sorry to say these things but wished someone was frank with me when I was being used.
add me as a friend I will help you I unfortunately found out after my heart was broken stomp on and discarded listen to your self you know what she is don't you
It sounds like you are already starting to reset the boundaries and that is a good thing. One of two things will happen from here, you will eventually become a more even give-receive relationship, or you will grow apart.
Don't forget that we don't help others because we expect something in return we do it because we enjoy it and want to give. Giving should be something you would want to do regardless, not because you are guilted into it or because you expect something in return.