Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I had gotten over a bad situation where an abusive family member who finally moved out.. She came back to visit for 1/2hr on Christmas day to ask my father for a lot of money...and talked about rejoining a cult... He denied... other than that day we hadn't heard from her...I am pretty sure she would not leae her job...to rejoin a cult she left 20years ago.. the only thing I can do is maybe check to see if her car is still parked where she lives...or call a mutual friend to ask if she is still working at her job... and thats about all I am willing to do at this point because there is lots to do here and juggle I have long since had to neglect or put aside things I needed to do for myself.. I am taking care of 2 elderly parents in hopes that much can be set into order for there benefit while they are alive and so we dont loose the house because I still live here and from what I have been through in life living on my own for many years.. shows me that moving is not a good option... I will stand to loose much that I can not get back or would take too long too... This family member left their room a wreck and did not clean it but kept their bed their and did not move it... one Idea I had to make it affordable to live here is that I was thinking about renting a bedroom to bring in money necessary to help take care of finacial issues but do not want to get stuck or ripped off by a bad tenant... getting rid of anything that is a money drain... giving up and getting rid of non essential items. it is all part of what I have seen that many people do or have tried to do when their parents pass on and they have become the caretakers... I am loosing money and time in any personal busiess attempts and both other siblings have good earings, pensions, paid off houses etc... I really dont want to give up and send every one to a nursing home, sign over the house to them, be forced to leave and clean out everything and loose everything. important mail piles up for myself and my parents... taxes have got to be paid... each morning I wake up too early or cant sleep well... food is becoming medication... I am trying to avoid unhealthy escapes while trying to deal with and go through this... The main focus I have had lateley is just try and eat right and sleep right and not fall into escapism or end up doing things like that which throw me off of any necasarry priorties.. has any one found anything to help them destress while going through this like an actual people group that meets.. I am thinking of trying to go to one in my area... I am out of therapy sessions and sometimes I wish I had a group to go and do simple things with like bowling or play pool and forget about things.. and then return refreshed and not burnt out from the break from it all. I thought of mindfullness but the thought of just being mindful brings up all of what I am going through again...
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Good Thursday to you!I've been watching a really long trial on Youtube these last couple of nights and will finish tomorrowHopefully I'll be in the land of nod soon and I hope my peeps are having sweet dreams followed by a great daySending hugs...xo
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
A word of advise: Be careful of having a tenant as your parents will need to change their home owners insurance to commercial and they may lose their property tax exemption with a renter. Plus, you need a good lease and to know your local eviction process. Some places make it almost impossible to get a non-paying tenant out easily (without a lawyer and court battle).
You mentioned a lot of goals. When I have this many, I find writing them down helpful. Then work on one at a time. Want to bowl? Check at the bowling alleys or even Facebook for local clubs. You’ll be happier with a hobby.
We come to this forum!
Caregiving your parents is one of the hardedt things you'll ever do
I cared for both of my folks for several years and I wasn't in great shape at the end
Try and accept the things that you can't control and let them go
If it's a sibling that's a slob you can't change that
It's good your father turned her down for money BUT if your father wanted to gift someone some money unless he's not within sound mind you can't control that
I know that being in this position is hard
Ive been there
I think you're wise to do all that you can do to take good care of you
Go out and have some fun
If you're struggling with anxiety and depression I would ask you family doctor to refer you to a psychiatrist
A little medication might help
They could also be aware of good support for you
Another big hug...xo
I'm in a similar place, feeling very overwhelmed with cleaning out the house I've lived in for the last 22 years...I don't want to leave a huge mess for my son to deal with as I have my own health issues at 70.
You might want to check with a senior center, or social service agency to see if you can get help financially for your parents. Be Very careful about bringing in someone into their house as that could present a Huge Problem in So Many Ways!
Yes to you getting on line to find some fun! Meetup.com might be a place to start to find something you are interested in in your area.
Best of luck to you!!!
I have no idea what bills you have or what your debt is. Or how much work you can actually do.
I would see if you can sell that family members belongings. Get money for now to help. Any other stuff you have that you can sell, try it. If it's not needed. Garage sale?
If you have debt, look into debt consolidation or what the bankruptcy laws are now. When I filed in 2009, homes and cars were still protected. So you wouldn't loose them. But I am not sure about it now. (I filed in 2009)
If your siblings are well off can they help in some ways?
I agree with the recommendation of meetup.com
I used to use this when I had no one. All my friends were married and kids, and their lives were spent with others like that. There was no room for a single friend. I went on meetup.com and found alot of healthy free things to do. Hiking, biking, yoga on the beach. It was REALLY nice to get out of the house for a few hours, talk with random people. Then go home. It really helped with the lonely aspect amd mundainness of a daily routine that sometimes can be hard one self. You also never who you will.meet that can help give some solid advice. As they may have been there.
As for that relative, don't let them back in. Have a talk with your parents.
You could ask your doctor to refer you to a social worker to see what might be available to you for help with your folks... xo
If your parents are eligible for any food assistance (Meals on Wheels or some similar programs) sometimes those folks will schedule short visits to talk and checkin, and you might see if some of those scheduled visits are comfortable times useful to let you take a break even if it is at home.
Blessings to you as you take good care of your parents. That is such an important and at the same time exhausting job.
You might also ask a social worker if they have any access to gym/pool or other coupons you could use to guard your health while you are doing this difficult work.
And I will try my best to make use of times when they are attended so that I can take better care of myself and get some rest... I am really flying by the seat of my pants trying to get better established and avoid negativity..