We do a joint account with combined money to pay our living expenses (bills, etc.) And we have joint savings accounts. We are older and have separate retirement account money because that is how it works in the USA. I have the much lower income. Our attitude is we are a team, everything is mutual. Some couples choose to have separate bank accounts and divide up the bills by percentage of income. Sometimes the one with the bigger income wants to live "high off the hog" and the one with the lower income can't spend the same. If your percentage of total family income is 60% and the other person's percentage of total family income is 40%, then this is how bills are split to be paid. The lower income person can get screwed over with this method though if the bigger earner wants to live high off the hog, over and beyond what the lower earner would be able to pay. If your joint bills total $5000 a month for example, and 40% of $5000 is more than your salary, this isn't going to work.

I think it is wiser to sit down together and write up a family budget on paper together as a team with mutual respect. How much for the rent or mortgage, how much for grocery store, electricity, car payments, lunches at work, gas money, putting money into savings, everything including free spending habits, etc. Put both incomes into the pot or the same joint bank account. You can keep separate accounts and both put your agreed upon amount into the joint account to pay bills if this is more desirable. Agree to agree on how much to spend and agree to stick to it in partnership. If $200 is budgeted to go out to eat monthly, then when that money is spent, no more going out to eat.Both sides have a say. Make sure each side gets some kind of cash to freely spend as they want, however they want. One is likely the spender, one is likely the saver. Work together.

Financial Peace University is a good resource for anyone, but also teaches partners how to work together.

If one of you is a huge spender and won't be cooperative with budgeting, then the other partner may have to "protect" their money. But I am assuming both are reasonable and want to build up a financial future together. The lower income earner may have to set firm boundaries about what they can pay so that they are funding retirement and savings accounts. If you are the lower wage earner and your partner is a spender above your means, and won't work with you in financial partnership, then sit down yourself and take your income and budget for yourself. Put it all down on paper but going backward. Start with savings of 10% going into a savings account, start with retirement savings, then take what is left and figure out your transportation costs, your food costs, your housing costs, etc. We have to start saving while we are young because there is no guarantee of good income all one's life, people get sick, have babies, etc. Then look at this budget and see how lopsided it is or how reasonable it is. If you are "on your own" in financial matters in this partnership then you have to set boundaries with your partner to cut back. You may have to say no. Both of you should be working together to build a financial nest egg, savings, etc. But sometimes our partners don't see the value of this or want total control. This pandemic has shown us that jobs can go away quickly sometimes.

thank you for your reply. it helps a lot. it's new to me to be in this sort of partnership....where it's all very individual. "working together to build nest egg" they have their nest egg already...and will retire soon. i am very far behind, but trying. i just wanted to see how others do it. i imagine it's different for various reasons.

i do wish i would have known more as a young adult....started building back then.... but women stayed home and raised kids far more often back then.

thanks again.

In your situation, I would suggest you make saving for retirement a priority. No matter how much your partner wants to spend on everyday living. They are set, you are behind. Without knowing the particulars, I would suggest you cut back all expenses so you can sock away 20% of your income for retirement in an IRA or your company's matched 401K. That comes first off the top, immediately so it is not spent on anything else. Talk to your partner and explain your financial needs. The partner may say they have plenty of money but things happen. If their money is willed to another person, even if you are married, you may be in trouble. In the USA, different states handle marital assets (money, house, businesses) differently. Also, you guys need estate planning services, wills, etc. Especially if each of you have now adult children. If the house is in the partner's name only, what will happen when they die? Things like that.

I’ve been with my husband for 2o years and we’ve been married for around 13 years (sheesh I’m losing track). Anyway I’m 55 and he’ll be 54 in September. We have always had separate checking and savings accounts. But we both use our savings for things that affect us both. .That’s how we went into our relationship before we married. For us we just went through our household type bills and divided them up the best we could so it was fair. We would have to re-shift them over the years depending on what was happening, job lay offs, additional bills etc. Car payments and our own credit card payments we have never split. We are responsible for each of our own.

We have added each other to each other’s bank accounts just to make things a little easier for each other if something happens to one of us.

We both contribute to our own retirement funds. I probably won’t retire until 67. I think we will combine our retirement funds once we both retire.

If I had it all over again, I’d do the same honestly. I like the autonomy and not having someone monitor what I spend
or overseeing “our” money. I work too hard for that.

Thank you both. This helps me a lot! I'm taking the advice...putting it into practice ASAP. :)

My husband and I are 64 and 58 respectively, married for 18 years (his 3rd, my 2nd). He is on disability/retired, I am employed full time and my income is more than twice his income. That being said, we combine ALL our finances. His income covers our monthly mortgage, insurance, and loan payments (car). My income covers the utilities, credit card payments (paid in full each month), savings and investments and discretionary expenses. When we have to "save" money (vacation, big purchase, etc), we both just "tighten the belt" for 3 or 4 months.

I am the money manager in the family, so I have my finger on our financial pulse (bills, cost of living, etc.) He has no mind for such matters, so pretty much follows my lead.

thank you for responding @Yard_Eggs that helps.

I would also look into any legalities if you aren't married..... A lot of places don't have the same laws in place for non married partners

So it might better for people who are living together or haven't been together for a long time to have separate accounts or at least know what protection you have re finances

Well I would say marriage might be different only due to the laws, but I am in Canada and they changed the common law here to be basically nothing like a legal marriage
I would say first marriage, joint account and of course the person making more is paying more. Second marriage, we did a division based on percentage. My ex was a surgeon and made so much more then me, he paid most of the expenses and it worked out well. Was very fare...hope that helps

We have separate bank accounts. Pay our own bills that we have individually and the ones we have together, he just Apple Pay’s me half and I submit the payments. Works really well for us.