Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

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Fighting

Ghostwolf04
Ghostwolf04

My live in bf of 1.5 years and I got into a bit of a fight this morning. I say fight but really it was just me. We never have full blown fights and arguments because he is laid back and understanding. We are usually good at communicating. He has a lot of good points. He just has one bad one. He has an addictive personality and he tries to hide it from me. It scares me how easy it is for him to lie to me. This morning I snooped thru his phone and found he was making plans again to meet up with a drug dealer when he told me he was hanging with friends from work. I had been so proud of him for making friends with people here who seem nice and even peer pressured him to quit smoking again after he briefly picked the habit back up last month. He went to the doctor and got put on anxiety meds. He acts better and sleeping better. He even has been drinking less and more responsibly. I was so disappointed when I saw he was talking to that guy again asking to buy weed. It is illegal where we live so the people he has to buy it from are questionable individuals who also deal in methamphetamines and worse. I don't want him around that. The law is really cracking down on drugs here, there are raids in the news every day. I explained to my bf that if he gets arrested in a raid I am not getting him out of jail and our life together is over. He needs to get his priorities straight. I feel like I am being cheated on with drugs. We barely ever have sex because he has low drive anyway and the weed makes it worse. I told him this. Unfortunately I also said this morning "I fucking hate you. I thought you were better but you're still a liar." I just got so mad. I have a very bad temper and I hate drugs. I was involved in the dare program all thru school. If I knew he smoked pot when we first met I would not have gotten serious. He knew that so he hid it from me. It's hard for me to forgive and forget. In every other way he is a really good boyfriend. Of course I told him a few mins later I don't really hate him. He said it's fine and that he will keep trying to be better and not lie to me. I just feel kinda shitty.

Ghostwolf04
Ghostwolf04
Monday I just wanted to die. I am so sick of being so tore up all the time. I hate myself because I know I should never have even dated him. Like all guys I've dated, I met him on the internet when I was lonely and he actually wanted to talk to me. Thanks for the nice comments but I am not someone who is normal or able to attract men. Before this guy, I was only in one relationship for about 6 months and it was a nightmare. That was 3 years ago. The two years between that I spent alone like before my ex, working 2 and 3 job until my fingers literally bled. Then I found out my ex gave me an STD and I got very sick and couldn't work and had to use the money I saved for a second college degree to pay for treatment. Then I got rid of it and went back to working 2 jobs, about 86 hrs a week. Of course the strain took its toll and I ended up in the emergency room with a rotator cuff injury, which I still have. I am no longer able to work like I did before. I lucked out and got the dream job I have now. But with having to still pay on my medical bills and my mom's bills (she lives at my house) I am still quite poor. Also my boss has threatened to fire me for talking about getting a second job. I work in finance so it is frowned upon to take a second job. Every one in our small town would eventually find out and talk bad about me. It is very old fashioned here. A woman my age who isn't married yet attracts enough bad attention as it is. Most women here don't work at all, their man takes care of them. The fact that I work only attracts deadbeats. Everyone else thinks there must be something wrong with me. Thanks for the comments that I am cute, but it's only my face. The rest of me is 6feet tall and I have been bullied and shamed for that my whole life. I have no friends really, ones I see and talk to once a year. Most of my family is dead. I just have my mom and she is a mean old woman. So maybe now you see why my world is so black and white. Also I have no idea how to make friends or how to keep them while being in a relationship? I tried to see a therapist in January but I couldn't afford it. They don't accept any insurance, you have to pay out of pocket, unless I drive 2 hours, not happening. I need that money to pay for my busted shoulder. That's why I'm on this site. I also don't see anyone around me in a happy relationship. Idk what that is. I feel like we are happy except he is a liar and a drugee. My younger self would never give him time of day, but my younger self was stronger and less desperate.