Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I have been with my fianc for 3 years and almost 2 years have been long distance. He moved in about a month ago and it is hard adjusting to living together.
We are a lot a like but very different at the same time so we butt heads on things. I have been extremely anxious and working through some of my anxiety issues. So me always being worked up has started minor disagreements that I blow up in my mind as huge issues.
Will things go back to normal? I had gotten my anxiety under control while things were long distance but with him here I can't just hang up the phone and forget what I was worried about. Seeing him reminds me of my anxiety so I feel like I'm going backwards.
Please help! Is it normal to have a hard time with someone moving in with you? Or do I have a reason to worry that it's hard.
Oh and he works from home so he NEVER leaves the house. I don't get much alone time unless I leave which isn't the same as alone time at home. I am in the process of turning the spare bedroom into my craft room so I have a place to go to relax.
We are a lot a like but very different at the same time so we butt heads on things. I have been extremely anxious and working through some of my anxiety issues. So me always being worked up has started minor disagreements that I blow up in my mind as huge issues.
Will things go back to normal? I had gotten my anxiety under control while things were long distance but with him here I can't just hang up the phone and forget what I was worried about. Seeing him reminds me of my anxiety so I feel like I'm going backwards.
Please help! Is it normal to have a hard time with someone moving in with you? Or do I have a reason to worry that it's hard.
Oh and he works from home so he NEVER leaves the house. I don't get much alone time unless I leave which isn't the same as alone time at home. I am in the process of turning the spare bedroom into my craft room so I have a place to go to relax.
It's definitely an adjustment period. If you're used to living alone, and now this person is violating your space, there's going to have to be a bit of flexibility in your mind, a sense of humor, and a recognition that neither you nor him are perfect.
I'd give this adjustment period a few months before you two tie the knot! If you're going to be married, you have to get used to the idea of living in close cohabitation without getting too irritated.
Well basically...moving in together just made everything that is yours his. (To an extent) so try and take things one day at a time and keep an open line of communication...moving into a woman's domain can be just as intimidating as moving into a bachelor pad...both of u are Gunna have to get to know eachother all over again...and remember to compromise.
Good luck :)
Now we mostly have problems with the cat. He isn't really a pet person and my kitten is always in trouble. Like on the counters in the kitchen sink and climbing the curtains. Things are getting better and the cat is listening more but I think my anxiety came mostly from feeling like he might decide he wants me to get rid of the cat (which I doubt will happen I just worry).
And him never leaving drives me nuts but I can't change that and I'm all he knows here so he probably is adjusting too just not talking about it like me.
But anyways like I said...imo u guys need to get to know eachother all over again....in a long distance relationship u can filter what u want ur partner to see and learn about u...when u live with someone your imperfections and flaws are on display.
Just keep that open line of communication and stay positive.
Best to you both!
I think your anxiety, anxiety in general, comes from a desire for perfection, and to control. Both of you loosen the grip on perfection, of yourself and the other being "perfect", whatever "perfect" means, and I think you'll both be able to relax.
Again, adaptiveness, flexibility and a sense of humor are required to make a happy marriage.
Work this stuff out before you officially tie the knot! Both of you lighten up! He sounds even more finnicky than you are!
My main concern is why is this making me anxious? I thought that when he finally moved here things would be ok. I knew we would have things come up. I just wasn't expecting the anxiety to come back like it did. Ive never really lived with anyone before so it's all new.
I have a hard time separating that I have anxiety from my relationship. I know I have anxiety and need to work on in myself I just get stuck and want my fianc needs to make the worry go away.
I am also planning our wedding so I think the stress from that doesn't help. And paying for things is making getting married very real. I definatly want to get married I just have a lot of change happening all at once after feeling stuck in one place for 2 years.
Wish you the best