Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Here is some back story:
My best friend and her husband have a strange relationship. First off he has never really given her his trust but for no reason in the past. Plus, he is very demanding and treats her like a slave to say the least. She does all the cooking, cleaning, she runs out to buy him a separate meal if he doesn't like what's for supper! They have three kids together.
Another thing they do is threesomes. My best friend is bisexual and they have had about four different girls, on numerous occasions, join them in the last ten years they have been together. Always a girl. And twice he has met up with on of the girls and had sex with them without my best friend. She has forgiven him.
Now, they wanted to try a foursome and approached a mutual friend of ours. We will call them J and S. At fist they were into it then S came out and said she wasn't comfortable and that was that. But the thing is J and my best friend have started an affair.
He keeps claiming it will only happen 'one time' but all the little quickies they have been having haven't counted as the one time. And she says she doesn't feel guilty. J does not know that I know.
I'm just torn. I'm sick to death of hearing about it. And I don't agree at all with cheating. But she has been my best friend for twenty years and I knew her relationship was in deep water. Part of me wants to tell her it's okay, though another part of me knows that it is not. She has two other friends who know about it (though not as in depth as I do) and they keep telling her to go for it.
I don't care greatly for J, and now she is starting to bash his fiance S all the time when previously they were great friends. But now that she is shtooping J S is no longer a good person. I think that if this comes to light J is going to through her under the bus.
At the same time I don't much care for my best friends husband. And I know it's not my place to tell him what's going on with his wife and one of his best friends! But how can I keep looking him in the eye knowing all of this? And when it comes out and everyone finds out I know?? His family is also my family as I am with his cousin.
AAAAAnd I watch S and J's daughter three days a week. So I have to talk to both of them often. Once again, looking them in the eye knowing what I do.
I don't know where to go from here. I have no one to talk to and I'm exhausted trying to keep all the lies straight. How can she do this? I thought I knew her?
My best friend and her husband have a strange relationship. First off he has never really given her his trust but for no reason in the past. Plus, he is very demanding and treats her like a slave to say the least. She does all the cooking, cleaning, she runs out to buy him a separate meal if he doesn't like what's for supper! They have three kids together.
Another thing they do is threesomes. My best friend is bisexual and they have had about four different girls, on numerous occasions, join them in the last ten years they have been together. Always a girl. And twice he has met up with on of the girls and had sex with them without my best friend. She has forgiven him.
Now, they wanted to try a foursome and approached a mutual friend of ours. We will call them J and S. At fist they were into it then S came out and said she wasn't comfortable and that was that. But the thing is J and my best friend have started an affair.
He keeps claiming it will only happen 'one time' but all the little quickies they have been having haven't counted as the one time. And she says she doesn't feel guilty. J does not know that I know.
I'm just torn. I'm sick to death of hearing about it. And I don't agree at all with cheating. But she has been my best friend for twenty years and I knew her relationship was in deep water. Part of me wants to tell her it's okay, though another part of me knows that it is not. She has two other friends who know about it (though not as in depth as I do) and they keep telling her to go for it.
I don't care greatly for J, and now she is starting to bash his fiance S all the time when previously they were great friends. But now that she is shtooping J S is no longer a good person. I think that if this comes to light J is going to through her under the bus.
At the same time I don't much care for my best friends husband. And I know it's not my place to tell him what's going on with his wife and one of his best friends! But how can I keep looking him in the eye knowing all of this? And when it comes out and everyone finds out I know?? His family is also my family as I am with his cousin.
AAAAAnd I watch S and J's daughter three days a week. So I have to talk to both of them often. Once again, looking them in the eye knowing what I do.
I don't know where to go from here. I have no one to talk to and I'm exhausted trying to keep all the lies straight. How can she do this? I thought I knew her?
If your friend is not willing to hear you out and only wants you to listen to her stories then she can probably find a therapist who will sit there and be impartial.
Friends are there for better or for worse, but enabling is not the right thing to do in my book..
Living " alternative " lifestyle is not that easy. The relationship has to be rock solid and based on complete mutual trust and people follow established rules and boundaries. Sounds like they are unable to stick to the rules and their relationship will be heading for failure.
I would certainly distance myself from all that.
Perhaps tell your friend that you really don't approve and that you would rather not hear about it anymore.
Either way, I'd tell them all to take care of their own kids and call you when theyve got their sh*t straightend out. You have your own life and problems to live for.