If you’re a strong person and a good listener and you express empathy and sympathy, for sure you’re going to attract people whom need emotional support. That is not your fault. I think that maybe you back away from those people and don’t hang out with them, pushing them into the acquaintance zone. A true friend takes turns sharing and relating to each other’s woes. Sharing private, very personal things is typically how closeness is formed between 2 people. Without both people sharing their lives then there is not a true deep friendship . I tend to be a very negative and cynical person so I sometimes suppress it to not wear people down. I also experience a lot of drama in my life and feel I have a lot of failures in my romantic relationships that I will just not tell my friends cause I get tired of being that friend. Anyways find people whom reciprocate, don’t become the one sided sounding board.

empathy, cat lover. those feelings of invisibility are so intense in my own case that on my more peaceful days i can almost convince myself that my invisibility is a superpower. if you can't see me, you can't stop me. alas, law enforcement officials, etc., have assured me that i am not as invisible as i feel while not being able to get a word in edgewise with the people i call, "friends."

i tackle this symptom with acceptance and awareness. with the awareness that the symptom is on the prowl again, i can spare myself the agony of trying harder to get the friend to hear my story. in the cases where my friend's stories are cycling me into psychoville, i find ways to defend myself. when that calls for ending the visit, i try to do so gently but firmly.

What if you are actually attracting users and self-absorbed people? What if all this listening and giving is making it a non-reciprocal friendship?

And consider if it is codependency within you that makes you need to be needed? We may secretly enjoy or need to be superior inside to those that come to us for advice or a forever listening ear.

I am an empath and attract a lot of people with issues or who want someone to use. I have now finally learned late in life to have boundaries and curtain my own codependency. The entire friendship should not be about their problems or your problems, but also general talk.

Some self-absorbed people like to use other people because they are incapable of acknowledging others emotions or they simply don't care. Like a sociopath can't care, doesn't care, and is easily able to use people.

Therapists learn quickly not to be their friends' therapist and not give advice, overly listen, but to also expect mutual regard and respect with friends. The therapist hat comes off and stays off with friends.

And a good therapist does more than just listen and give empathy. A good therapist needs to share coping skills and point out the obvious at times. Not just asking how do you feel and listening the entire 50 minutes without guiding or sharing tips or tricks to use to cope. I notice this in many therapists nowadays, they can't teach coping skills.

Look into the 4 Control Dramas. You may be attracting some Poor Me types as friends. These people will chew us up, spit us out, and cause compassion fatigue. It can feel so powerful and worthy to be the one everyone comes to when they need a listener.

Also, in my profession of social work, we are highly encouraged to get our own personal therapy going. If you are not with a good therapist who can teach you coping skills and to understand yourself, please do this. It will help you set up proper, ethical boundaries with clients and friends. Being a therapist will be difficult and stressful enough. Best of luck to you.

hasty, i just got back on insurance and am seeking to return to therapy. i think there could definitely be some codependent tendencies going on and its a cycle i want to break. ive definitely gotten better at asserting boundaries but its something i still need to work on.

Thank you for all of these thoughtful responses everyone i appreciate the insight!

I think that you've been given some wonderful. thought provoking responses

I just want to give you a big hug...xo

Good for you, ilovemycat94! Many of us have the issue of friendships that are too one sided. I don't know how one totally avoids this. I know the CODA groups are very helpful and I found "The New Codependency" book by Melody Beattie helpful in my own codependency. I even bought the book recently to reread it. I have issues of my own one-sided stuff with relatives and "friends."

you’re not boring at all, you’ve just learned to earn connection by giving more than you get, so it makes sense you feel unseen and lonely :( try experimenting with tiny boundary nudges like pausing before you comfort and adding “i’d love to share something too—can i go next?” then notice who responds with warmth and curiosity, because those are the friendships worth watering :)

if helpful, we made this app (Attached) (approved by psychology experts) that uses psychology to help you feel seen and set balanced boundaries, with guided journaling to spot caretaking triggers, self-soothe mode for the loneliness

ugh. i felt that in my bones noeydo. i have some hardcore abandonment issues from my family leaving me when i came out of the closet. i grew up feeling like the black sheep and because of that i feel like i need to work SO HARD to earn love. i also feel deeply guilty when i ask for support. i reached out to some therapists today and am hoping to get a consultation soon so i can start working on these issues with more depth.

i do have some friendships with people who definitely seem to care about me, and respond positively when i do ask for support. maybe i need to lean more into those right now, and try to make more time to invest in myself as well.