Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Hi everyone.
Anyone talk to their partners (or ex's) about concerns and just get zero or minimal response back - as if your talking to a wall?
I was just talking to my boyfriend, who's been away for a while. I was explaining to him how hard it's been for me... the challenges of basically being a single mom and all that's involved in taking care of our 20 month old daughter, and the toll it takes on me (lack of sleep, how my time is consumed, minimal support, etc.), and I received no empathy or compassion whatsoever back.
I find this kind of (lack of) response frustrating because I don't know if I've been heard or really cared about. Even though I know he cares and tries to do as much as he can when he's around, there's a total lack of empathy from him when I talk about my challenges, even though recently we've just reconciled our relationship and have been discussing the issue of listening and feeling acknowledged... I don't really get it - his response.
Anyone else go through similar situations?
I'm trying not to react with frustration and anger, and have also discussed with him before about feeling that my needs are being neglected, yet a response like this when I talk to him... I honestly don't know what to think about it or what to do anymore. I thought that because we recently talked about not feeling listened to would create some changes, but it's not happening at his end, even though I'm making changes.
Any feedback would be great. Thanks.
Anyone talk to their partners (or ex's) about concerns and just get zero or minimal response back - as if your talking to a wall?
I was just talking to my boyfriend, who's been away for a while. I was explaining to him how hard it's been for me... the challenges of basically being a single mom and all that's involved in taking care of our 20 month old daughter, and the toll it takes on me (lack of sleep, how my time is consumed, minimal support, etc.), and I received no empathy or compassion whatsoever back.
I find this kind of (lack of) response frustrating because I don't know if I've been heard or really cared about. Even though I know he cares and tries to do as much as he can when he's around, there's a total lack of empathy from him when I talk about my challenges, even though recently we've just reconciled our relationship and have been discussing the issue of listening and feeling acknowledged... I don't really get it - his response.
Anyone else go through similar situations?
I'm trying not to react with frustration and anger, and have also discussed with him before about feeling that my needs are being neglected, yet a response like this when I talk to him... I honestly don't know what to think about it or what to do anymore. I thought that because we recently talked about not feeling listened to would create some changes, but it's not happening at his end, even though I'm making changes.
Any feedback would be great. Thanks.
Like men, women deserve to be heard, whether we talk more or less, we still deserve to be valued and respected in this way.
And, I also don't think it's just women who need to be the accomodating ones to men about communication. Although it is important for us to learn to approach our men in a way that will be constructive for both of us, men also have to learn to handle their end of the relationship in a constructive manner too.
Stonewalling isn't the answer when you're angry for instance - which is what my partner does. It just causes the other person to feel unheard, undervalued, and frustrated or angry.
I believe it's the responsibility of both people in the relationship to work on the communication in a way where both can feel heard and respected, and where both feel their needs are met in this area.
Thanks for all the feedback though. I think this is an important discussion to have, and it's been great.
We all have to admit it... we all have even been there and seen it. That woman that gets in her man's face and doesn't let up at all! These women are terrible and give the rest of us a bad name. They do yap and yap and yap. We all have to remember that a man reacts differently to things and SqueeZio is right... they shut down when faced with problems or a girlfriend/wife that doesn't let up. They go into a nothing box a place that is nothing. It isn't anything against us... it is just the way their brains work. There was a great video of a man explaining the way we work and it fits... let me find it............................................................
ah found it!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DKk_tdyehA
Watch it... it will really help.
Now... to get to another point. Don't jump on SqueeZio he is the easiest man to speak to... he listens better than anyone I've ever known. Maybe saying the word "beak" wasn't the best illustration but READ WHAT HE SAYS... that is the important part!!
Website you asked for below.
Agree with Squeezio. Men are very single-minded focus. If there are too many things to focus on, men feel overwhelmed and then they feel cornered -- the phrase he used is "women don't let up". The end result is men shut down. That's the stone-walling part that all women come to know. Unfortunately ; )
Communicate by all means but don't overload. If your immediate need is about the baby, ONLY talk about the baby. After that conversation, then bring in the less immediate topic -- your stress etc... Just don't solve ALL your problems in ONE night. leave room for fun and laughter.
Here is the website you're asking for.
http://www.understandmen.com/index.html
Here is the workshop schedule http://www.understandmen.com/workshops/index.html
Good luck! You seem to be doing fine now.
Thanks for the info though.