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Fears of kissing and tips?

melissa2487
melissa2487
I'm 28 years old, my boyfriend is 36. We are not the "typical" boyfriend/girlfriend. He is very religious. We don't believe in sex before marriage, etc. Our first date was in October and we see each other maybe 1 or 2 times a week, sometimes more. Back when I was 21-27 years old, I was taken advantage of by two guys. They told me to do things I didn't want to do and I did it because I felt like something was wrong with me if I didn't. It wasn't right and when it first happened when I was 21, it completely changed the way i see relationships and made me a very scared person in relationships. This is not a secret... I have told him and he completely understands, no rush whatsoever. I do have a psychologist as well who knows. But as much as I like him and want to be with me because he gets me, I have no idea how to change my outlook and get rid of my fears of kissing. Even if I take my time, how will I ever be ready? Any tips?
Aronia
Aronia
You won't know what will happen until you actually do it. Sometimes sex ( whether it is kissing or all The way) does not go perfectly on the first try and with time gets better and better.
Since you had a bad experience in the past, I would recommend that YOU make the first move and warn him that you want to do all the " doing" because when this happens , you will subconsciously know that you are in complete control and can stop whenever you feel like it. This may make you feel more empowered in moving further with physical affection.

You may also want to try kissing in an environment that is comforting for you. Make it a place that is an opposite of where the bad experience happened.
Hope things work out for the best and you develop the trust you need to have a good physical relationship.
redheaddiva
redheaddiva
I think Aronia has some wonderful advice, as always. I can relate to your experience as I was sexually assaulted and it took some time after I found a trustworthy person to have sex again but, since then, I do not have the same fears. Every now and again, the experience pops in my head during intimate moments but I'm able to push the fears aside as I'm with someone who I trust and I know would never hurt me. It really is mind over matter and it gets easier as you do it and are "rewarded." And by rewarded I mean, nothing bad happens when you are intimate with that person you trust.
koolman
koolman
I highly recommend kissing in a movie theater while the movie is playing. It's a totally secure environment, a public place so you can get up and leave if you feel uncomfortable, yet everyone around you is watching the movie on the screen so you're enjoying a kind of privacy with your honey.

Start slow, with just cuddling, maybe giving and receiving some neck and backrubs.. This in addition to the movie that is playing will totally relax you both. Kiss elsewhere on the face besides the lips at first, the temples, the cheeks...then sort of let your lips find each other. It's totally divine, magical, if I may be religious, like you're being kissed by God Himself. God WANTS you two to kiss! It's spellbinding!