It is normal for you to feel the way you do because of the way you grew up. People who have fucked up parents, especially women, tend to do two things - they either act out sexually and have sex with anyone, end up in abusive relationships, etc or they shut down completely and don't let anyone in.
In both situations, I think, people are trying disassociate themselves from feeling anything real, because it hurts too much.
I used to feel the same way about men when I was a teenager, the same way you do, because of how I grew up. Then i met an older young guy at 14 and completely fell in love with him. Everything I thought about men was changed in my mind. We were together for almost 2 years and planned to marry one day, until one night he got completely shit faced, we got into an argument and he punched me in the face and raped me. In the morning he had no recollection of what he did and insisted that I m lying and he could never do such a thing.
So, I broke it off that very morning for good.
After that, I completely lost any faith in real love or good relationships, because around me I saw nothing but shit. My life, my sister's life, my mother, grandmother - A string of divorces, affairs, violence and dysfunction. I never wanted to feel ANYTHING towards a man ever again so I would never have to feel hurt or disappointed.
I went out with men and even got married really young, but I never allowed myself to feel anything. It was just sex. Something to do to pass time. You are on the other end - you pushed everyone out of you safety zone. I had NO safety zone, because if there is nothing safe, then nothing can be violated ever again.
It is not a good logic, but if you are still trying to work through things it makes sense at the time.
I can't tell you how to get out of it, I did it and everything is OK now.
I can only tell you thAt it is normal for you to feel the way you do given the circumstances.
I can also tell you that you can find a relationship with a good human being who can actually make you feel so happy that you will leave your pre-conceived notions behind and just enjoy yourself with that person. However, you will not meet this person until you gain good insight into yourself and become prepared to give to that person as well.
I hope things work out for you. Believe in good beginnings and believe in a happy ending to your sad situation.

Find thingS in common and build from there. Trust yourself to know when someone you meet would not be good for you or to know when to walk away. Think about all of these areas and come up with your rules for dating.

"truly think that i am too ugly for men to like me, period. and i truly am "sure" that men are just gonna abandond me after they get whatever they want, they are gonna make fun of me, not love me at all and etc.."

Okay stop there.

First dont date right now. After getting used like that 8 months isnt enough to heal.
Get right with yourself, then say to yourself "Im worth it" When you believe that, that is when you need a relationship.

Also dont subscribe to that above statement, because when you do heal and are ready for a realtionship, that type of thinking wont get you anywhere.

Im sorry you got used, but give youself a little credit, you are still standing. Stop kicking your own ass and start healing.

I'm gonna agree with Tyler on that one. Stop using negative words to describe yourself. Instead, focus that energy on something external, that yields a positive result. What works for me is physical exercise. It's a good purger of emotions, negative and positive, or, dare I say, a transmuter of emotions into something positive, health and happiness. I like to transform negativity into work of some kind.

Love YOURSELF, Christinaki! Nobody's ever gonna love you, in the manner in which you deserve to be loved, until you can do that.

What you are describing are issues with low self esteem, no confidence, a poor body image, abandonment issues etc. All steaming from how badly you were treated when you were starting to develop in your young age. It is unfortunate and you deserve way more than what you've been given. Start treating yourself right by looking after you first and foremost. Seek counselling and professional assistance. They will give you the tools that will help overcome the roots of what's causing these manifestations with trust issues, poor self image, abandonment issues, etc.

Thankfully you've reached a level in which you are self aware of the situation therefore you've already taken the necessary first step... congrats.... #1 You already know what you want (a loving relationship) and you've realized what's most likely the cause / root of it (poor upbringing, abandonment). Now the next step would be necessary with help, someone who can show you the tools of how to fix the cause of the issues, someone who can show you how you can deal with it in order for you to grow from it.

Your past does not define who you are and what you can become of it. Your obstacles of getting to where you want to be are there, but you can get over it... learn from it... be better in spite of it. We all have an idea of the person we want to be... the confident happy fun person...The person you want to be rather than the person you currently are is attainable, it is possible... you just need the tools, the conditioning, the convincing, the inspiration, the change in your thinking, your aspirations, everything needs to be reprogramed within you with help. With someone who is able to let you get a glimpse of what can be. Someone who, with joy, with success in examples like yours can bring you the tools for you to bring strength, confidence, love from within. Counsellors do that everyday. They listen, they gently encourage, they can take what you tell them, and give you a new way of thinking.

I know, because I am an example of it. I have been a work in progress and have come to realize my potential. I want that for you.

Good luck to you!! hugs

Counseling is all good...I saw a psychologist for almost a year when I was 18-19 and severely depressed after graduating high school...but what really helped me was watching comedy material and beginning a physical exercise regimen.

Comedies like Cheers and Night Court, as well as SNL, were all the rage in the '80s, and there was nothing like watching the seemingly confident, brilliant psychologist Frazier Krane, for example, melt and fall apart when it came to love. Made me laugh, and realize the absurdity of my own situation.

Best of success!