Wm98 I see you are here on yet another discusson board asking the same question and making the same quandaries over and over again. Do you have a qualified counselor or licensed therapist you can talk to about this? Your fear of losing love is what is standing in your way. There are PLENTY OF WOMEN out there -- why not close this relationship which is not going where you want it to and start fresh? You already know that I am a woman your age who is in a long-term live-in relationship and I have no plans to get married again. Surely, I'm not the ONLY ONE out here!

P.S.
If this woman (or any woman) won't agree to a pre-nup, then she's not the woman for you, anyway. Tom KNOWS that the ONLY WAY I would ever agree to marry him is if he would sign a pre-nup and he has already agreed to do that if and when I decide I might like to take the plunge again. This is all about HONESTY and your fear of loss should NOT be standing in the way. If it's meant to work out, it will work out. Do NOT compromise yourself or you will be miserable!

Thanks Kathi, and yes I'm in the process of making arrangements to see a counselor, because this really kicked my ass, and yes the lose of love is a major factor. As each day passes I become more clear, however I have to be honest being 58 I have this fear that I'll never find that special person, and I know this is my negative ego speaking. I definitely want to put this lost relationship behind me because I understand the consequences if I dont.
Deep down I know I'm a very responsible caring & compassionate man who has so much to bring to a relationship however I need to be patient and realize that it takes time, which I feel I'm running out of as I become older, which again I realize that the ego is peaking. LOL

I think you are putting the cart before the horse. Do you have anyone in mind for this long term relationship? The individual is a HUGE variable, what works for one woman may not work for another woman (see Cowgirl Kathi for an example). Instead of making a decision and forcing the woman of your dreams to comply, why not establish the relationship, learn the art of communication and compromise, and work together as a couple toward a common goal?

Take life as it comes, if you aren't in a serious relationship and contemplating marriage- don't worry about it! I have begun to realize that I worry years into the future when I already have more than I can deal with right now! lol
There's nothing wrong with having a serious relationship where you keep your finances separate, if you ever get to the point where you want to live with someone- you can work it out when the time comes, ie sharing expenses- you own the house but if someone lives with you then they should be paying part of the utilities, groceries etc. I'm pretty sure if you were ever to consider getting married- you would know the person you were marrying well enough to know if she was looking to you for financial security or if she was looking for a partner to share her life with.
Right now why don't you just focus on enjoying life? You'll know if things aren't going well if you start seeing little red flags- like the lady expects you to pay for everything, wants expensive gifts etc. when things don't feel right- change them but until a problem actually presents it's self- don't worry about it.

I agree with Scarlett Angel.. you are not in a relationship, this is a bit premature. Any guy who is talking about marriage early on in any date.. way over the top. It seems very needy. Don't be measuring anyone up for a wedding dress at this point!

Think about it in reverses, many women are our age 50s, if they are getting maintenance or alimony, are not going to lose that to remarry someone. OR like many of us have paid off our own houses and are not going to blend our finances and take on someones debt either. Because relationships and finances are not just about assets, they are about liabilities also. I also for many reasons, at this point am not interested in marrying again. I am in a relationship, a great one.

In my experience, I have met many more secure women in divorce that are middle aged and the men.. not so much. I mean financially and emotionally. I mean this well, you are not old, I am the same age.. and very few people our age are retired. Work on you, work on what you bring to a relationship and take it as it goes. You may benefit from some counseling and you may have to learn how to date and relate. I did have a guy ask me out and asked me would ever marry again? I said I just got divorced, and marriage has never been a goal in my life or a destination. The truth was this guy was lonely, needy and I saw co-dependent on the horizon... I only went out with him once.. Best to you!

I agree that obviously you have been badly burned and counseling might help. It sounds like you want and fear the same thing, which generally leads to a sort of circular conflict that will keep going round and round till you sort it out and find your center again. I think that's a common relationship problem, being simultaneously needy and terrified.

I don't think that fear is unjustified, but I agree that if there is no relationship under consideration, if no woman is giving you an ultimatum, then you're getting worked up needlessly.

I don't see why you can't find a woman who is looking for the same setup, but if you are constantly reopening old wounds you are not going to find that person because emotionally you won't be present and clear enough. You'll be too wounded to find her.